Craneimal

Back in Agoura Hills! What a Relief!

2012-03-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

After an immensely inconvenient two-weeks of trying in school, it finally became time to come to California for team camp. I got the pleasure of driving down in the team van, and instead of talking about that, you should watch this video:

http://vimeo.com/38202182

So fast forward 20 hours and we got to our base for the next week. Before that, I held my bladder for roughly 4.5 hours and may have imploded a kidney.

So we're here, in Agoura Hills. New for this year is that instead of staying at the Malibou Lake house, we took over a building of a YMCA camp. Features include breakfasts made for us, huge rooms, and primal wall art of one hawk eating another hawk. Vicious.

My favorite part about today was how everyone knew that we had a breakfast to get to between 8 and 845. Of course by everyone I mean everyone but Kennett- the person who would love a free buffet style meal the most-est out of every one of us. Poor Kennett.

Guess Who?

That is a dangling moose. Huh?

Sorry, I must go walk around in my boxers more.

Bye!

Consistency Breeds Success, Right?

2012-03-05T09:08:00.002-08:00

500 miles of driving later and the #swaggerwagon is as good as ever. Take that, haters!

This weekend I participated in the bicycle race tournaments titled: Icebreaker Time Trial and Mason Lake Road Race (#1). Last year I did the time trial, made more trainings by going for a ride afterwards, and then went home and went to sleep. Then I went to the road race the next day. Last year I got third place in the time trial, and made the break in the road race and got third again. That was last year.

USAcycling has a new race predictor feature, and that told me I was going to get second in the TT. Since I had seen the future by looking at this race predictor, I knew I didn't have to pedal hard because I was a shoo-in for second. Turns out there were two people who were MORE of a shoo-in for first and second, because the USAcycling perfect race predicting algorithm forgot the fact that I am destined for... third place at this Icebreaker TT event.

It appears that I've gotten slower. Which is inconvenient, because Jamie Stangeland went about... 8 minutes faster than last year.

Fast forward to Sunday. Mason Lake. We get our entire team in the break. Four of my teammates ride the front for 50k. I make the next and final move, drive that. Lang bridges up, leads me out, and I almost make a crash in the finish. Then I get third place, again! Consistency, right?

Yeah... Here is my weekend in pictures.

#PRO

Laugh

That was Saturday, and it was awesome. Here's Sunday.

Lang showed up in this:

And then we drove this:

Can the #swaggerwagon fit all this, 4 people/their stuff, and 4 bikes?

Easy!

Chaos!

Taco truck trip #1

Taco Truck trip #2

OK, I thought it would take less time to do a picture heavy update instead of a writing words heavy post but I was wrong because I'm illiterate.

(Yes, that was three taco truck stops within 25 hours)

Grab Hold of Something!

2012-03-02T21:35:00.000-08:00

EVERYONE!!!! I GET TO RACE BIKES TOMORROW! AND THE NEXT DAY! IT'S BEGUN!
Holy Inspector Gadget I am super excited to pedal my bike with a number on my back. In fact, I've already pinned my number for the time trial tomorrow and I'm probably going to sleep in my skinsuit tonight.

Rewind. When I was younger I was really into baseball. I also was very superstitious. So superstitious that every game I'd draw a certain symbol on my hand, pull up my baseball pants the same way, and sleep with my jersey and my glove underneath my pillow. I'm sure that this had everything to do with me being way better than that kid who picked his nose in right field. Everyone knows they put the worst kid in right field.

Now however I've apparently become more interested in appearance than superstition because my current self wouldn't let a slept on wrinkly jersey exist on my back. So if you break into my house tonight, I will NOT be sleeping in my skinsuit or with it under my pillow.

Back to bike racing real quick, YES!

BIKING!

Here is an amazing statistic, there are 19 cat 1/2s registered for the TT tomorrow. What?!? That sounds like probably a record for this race.

Hold onto the millenium falcon Han Solo (geek alert) because we're going into that speed where the stars stop moving for a second and then you burst forward into super super speed. Right now (tonight, Friday) we're at that crazy moment where the stars don't move somehow, even though the ship is still moving (weird). Tomorrow, it's go time.

I'll breathe again in late September, which is just the way I want it.

Peace bros

You're Nobody Till Somebody Kills You

2012-02-29T10:08:00.000-08:00

Which means my wonderful car is a nobody. Which doesn't make sense, because I love this car. So since I love it, does that mean that if it is a nobody that I love nobody? If I love nobody, then does nobody love me? Oh dear.

However nobody that my car is, it was almost somebody. (SIDE NOTE! I just realized a flaw in Notorious BIG's song. If you're nobody unless you're killed, who does the killing? Mr. Notorious suggests that somebody is the guilty party- how do they become a somebody? Is the nobody getting killed by a ghost?) Ok, back on track.

What I've been scared to type is that my wonderful #swaggerwagon almost left us last week. At 254xxx miles I crashed my limousine on I5. Some of you may know me as the one person in the world who could drive the length of Bellingham-Seattle blindfolded, and this is still true. However, when two cars are all of a sudden facing South-bound on a North-Bound freeway and you are going 60 mph, there is only so much that I5 experience can help prevent. I am extremely good at Mario Kart on WII, Fast and Furious is the best movie ever, and Talledega Nights taught me how to be a person. None of these prevented my car from slamming into the car in front of me. Start the John Williams symphony, because ish just got real sad.

I can't say that I entirely agree, but if watching Fast and Furious one (through five) didn't keep me from getting into an accident I guess I'm a little bit skeptical. Time to assess the damage, round one.

Whoa. Not too bad. I couldn't accurately capture in a photo, so imagine this-

Both sides, popped out like some dangling piñata left over at a seis de Mayo celebration went haywire. Let's get to the real problems. The frame is bent, the hood is bent loco, the hood doesn't stay shut, and my electrical tape racing stripes are now misaligned. For a few sad, desperately tragic moments I thought that I was about to have to resort to transporting my things like this-

However, all is not lost in this household. Calm yourself fans of and fellow #swaggerwagon companions, for this one lives on.

New hood latch!

Guess what! Me and the #swaggerwagon (get that trending folks) are going to live another fight. I was fairly busted up, but huge thanks to Noble Chiropractic for making me back to normal in no time at all. Seriously, if you're in Bellingham, or even Washington, you need to go see Dr. Noble. Even if you aren't hurt, you should go. Do it!

Fly on soldier, fly on.

(PS... was this foreshadowed by dreaming about new cars? Was I being punished? Did Steve getting a new car shift the driveway hierarchy, causing conflict with mine?)

I guess I'll drive it 400 miles this weekend to find out if it really works or not. If you see me hitchhiking on the side of any road leading to a bike race with a road or time trial bike, please pick me up?

A Summary of Recent Social Media

2012-02-23T09:08:00.001-08:00

Hello folks.

I know that you are all supremely busy. Way too busy to read Kennett's twice-weekly novels. Yeah, I understand. The problem with social media today is that it is becoming very spread out. Social media networks have expanded so much that catching every detail is more difficult than the training ride I did this weekend. So many KJs!! Let me tell you all about the numbers.

Wait, NO, that's stupid.

Instead, I have decided to make your life easy by offering up a social media site that compiles everything into a newsflash-a visual blink of your eyes, everything at your fingertips, cornucopia of information, holy shit exciting, source of social media.

Right here on my blog!

Craneimal.blogspot.com proudly presents.....

A summary of Social Media for riders from the Hagens Berman Cycling team*

*and Lang

Let us get started, shall we?

First, my dear friend Kennett created a holiday in order to make him feel better about the fact that I personally have been in caloric deficit for like, 4 months straight. Kennett need food (attention @everyone, that "grammatical" error was on purpose).

Yes, Kennett created himself a holiday based around over-consumption (oh wait, like all American holidays?). In summary, here are pictures taken from Kennettron 5000 that depict the day that Mr. Kennett Peterson lost the Mt. Washington hill climb TT.

And that was only breakfast! You should've seen how he celebrated lunch, second breakfast, pre-dinner, and dinner.

Next, we summarize the Facebook.

I chose not to include the picture because I was morally disgusted with the act. This Canadian warrior did something questionable. My only hope is that Cody's Facebook page was hacked by his housemate Jacob, who after beating me in the best young rider competition at Tour de Delta probably gained some inner-knowledge of ways to confuse me. Then he kidnapped Cody, tied him down, took pictures of his legs, and posted them on the internet. That MUST be what happened.

Ok. Next. Lang has a fast girlfriend. Pretty much everytime I hear that they ride together or do a bicycle race in the same category I have to ask King-Lang if Rhae beat him.

This is especially exciting on TT days because Rhae is a bit of a freight train and Lang is still looking for that silver bullet. Lang generally comes out on top, but he'll argue that he ALWAYS comes out on top.

Then this picture appeared on the internet.

Lang perhaps might be tired from tri-weekly Strava KOM attempts, but as you can tell by the pre-ride preparation he was trying to get every advantage before taking to this race with Rhae. You may not have noticed the booties that Lang chose to wear, but upon closer glance you will see that he indeed has them, and they are white! Lang was searching for the extra 20 watts that everyone knows comes with wearing white shoe covers. Next, notice Lang's posture. The lack of symmetry in his out of the saddle acceleration suggests that perhaps he is not accelerating, but cracking under the stress of the hill and the pressure put down by Rhae's acceleration, which in contrast displays a perfectly symmetrical lower body power transfer to the bike. Continuing on, please note the position of our subjects sunglasses. Lang has chosen to remove his, opting to allow his sweat-streaked eyes to receive some form of breeze, where as Rhae keeps hers on- not allowing her prey to see into her eyes. Finally, please note the composure differences. Lang gasps for air through his wide open, slightly askewed mouth. Rhae nose breathes, her lips shut tight, as if the effort is nothing but a simple recovery ride in the sun.

PS- Lang drops me pretty much every time we go uphill.

The arguably newest and most simple method of social media is Twitter. For those of you unfamiliar, twitter allows for short statements with not much backing that allow the reader to draw their own conclusion.

First, let's look at how Colin Gibson uses twitter. Note his response (signified by the @ ) to Lang provides a certain amount of ... zing! Speaking of zings, Colin earned a reputation last weekend of being the first to very-excitingly respond to an email regarding a group ride and then cancel at the last minute for unclear reason. Sucka please.

And more!

That is a nice transition into looking at how Winger316 has been using twitter.

Incorrectly.

I'd like to elaborate. I really would, but I don't really know where to begin. Let's start with the obvious-

OMG REALLY? ARE YOU IN HAWAII?? News to me! Good thing @hbcycling is aware of it.

Chris Wingfield @winger316
@hbcycling @everyone @smith_optics HEY I'm in Hawaii! I just saw a bird, in Maui! Drinking water, IN MAUI! #rideblue (in Maui)

<3

Anyways, time to read Canadian twitter. (twitter.com/ca/jessereams/flannel/choppingwood)

As you can see here, new teammate Jesse seems to have crashed on the ice in his homeland of really really Northern Canada. Well technically he wreaked havoc on the leg warmers- he must have forgot the word havoc. Since we are speaking "technically", he also is in California. Where it is warm.

The unfortunate situation here is that through social media he is proudly displaying early signs of Canadian Crit Driving Syndrome. Looks like team camp we will try to beat that out of him.

Speaking of "prison rules", David Fleischhauer encompasses his persona with one tweet.

Poetic, eh?

Next, lets witness how Steve uses social media to try and advertise an important moment in his life. Luckily for everyone in Bellingham, Steve's vanagon is gone from our driveway. Now a real car that works is in its place. Bravo. However, let us take a moment to analyze his steps for adulthood. Are those steps adult sized steps, or Steve sized steps?

Surprising for Steve, this picture wasn't taken in a public restroom.

Last for now, new teammate Danny. I've only spent a total of ... 12 hours with him ever, so I'm not sure if my lack of understanding of his social media has anything to do with that, or with the more obvious fact. That Danny speaks in code. I will spend the whole season trying to break this code so I can decipher his twitter-tweets.

I FIGURED IT OUT! "Today I went for a ride and made good trainings".

Ok bye.

twitter.com/iancrane

I had a Dream I Said

2012-02-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

BUT FIRST! Check out the first episode of "The HB Show" !!!!!!!!!!

Holy mother of dream wanderers have I had some vivid dreams the past couple of weeks. There has literally been a cinematic explosion of characters and stories that have entered my mind while I catch up on my Zs. Not quite sure why the sudden influx of dreams that I actually remember, but I am going to share two of them with you.

Don't repeat what I say I said, he said nothin
He agreed with his head, he just nodded like this
What I believe to be a yes I re-peated what was said
It came to me like a whisper, last evening I said

The first dream occurred during that week of snow where ISH was really going down (in the real world). Both Tela and I were having some vehicle related troubles- Tela's car was leaking power steering fluid like that one time Air Force One leaked gas in the movie Air Force One with a heroic Harrison Ford. My problems were a bit more weather related. Long story short, for a brief time the only door that worked on my car was the drivers door and the trunk. So when I drove people around, they crawled through the trunk to their seat of choice. Entering dreamland:

Tela and I were having quite the time celebrating the fact that we got new cars. Since we are both bike racing bums, this is quite unrealistic because I live at the Grocery Outlet and Tela strains coffee grounds through underwear because filters are much too expensive. So how'd we get cars? Well Momma-Crane got so fed up with Tela and my consistent car troubles that she bought us matching cars because the monthly payments were "so unbelievably cheap" ($30-40) that she was willing to cover those payments until Tela and I could take over. Here is where the dream gets very specific. I knew that the cars were Kias, and I could see them perfectly in the dream, but I had never seen this car before. Tela got a Crimsony-Red and I got black on black.

OK I'm awake now. Knowing that dreams are dreams I naturally immediately went onto the Kia website when I woke up. And found that the exact cars from my dream are actually real. Unfortunately, the monthly payments would be more than 30-40 dollars.

Let us get back to reality really quick. If this were indeed my car, I would sharpie the rims black, immediately put some electrical tape racing strips on the hood (+40hp), and put a dragon surfing on the side panels.

"Whats the deal playboy," was the greeting he said
First thing I wanted to know was the reason he was dead
"More money, more problems, better believe it," he said
"Careful what you wish for you might receive it," he said

Dream #2 is direct proof that bike racing is coming and it's been too long since I've taught Logan Owen some life lessons. Well, considering now that I've dreamt it, it must be time to bring life-school back into session. Yes friends, dream #2 involved young Mr. Owen.

For some reason, Logan and I were the only two people doing a certain race. Joe was obviously there to direct us (I mean Logan is only 14) and it was some form of money making criterium bike tournament. Perhaps T.O.A.D? After the race I had collected my prize $ and still hadn't seen Logan, or known how he had done in the race. I had no clue! I had gotten 6th and made $600, so I was pretty G'd. But where was young Logan! Finally Logan rails a corner and appears in the dreamland. And he is PISSED! I had never seen him so angry before. Turns out Logan won a preme, and he didn't see the value. What Logan won was four $100 gift certificates to Trader Joes, and he didn't understand their purpose! It took some time, but I was able to convince him of the significance of the Gold that he was holding in his hand. Not a bad split for 2 people and one race!

Of importance but also WTF to the dream, Logan was wearing a long sleeve button up dress shirt with a short sleeve Hagens Berman jersey on top. Sweater vest style, except with a bike jersey instead of a sweater vest. What does that mean?

I did mention that Joe was a character in this dream, and he really held no relevancy. Joe appeared in this dream to do donuts in the rental car in the adjacent parking lot while I was explaining to Logan about Trader Joe, Giotto and Jose.

I see I said, jealousy I said
Got the whole industry mad at me I said
Then B.I. said, "Hov' remind yourself
nobody built like you, you designed yourself"

Not quite sure what's with these really specific and very vivid dreams, but maybe it means I'm getting a deeper night's sleep so my mind is calmed and I am waking up clearer and more rested? Probably

What he said, I said, has been said before
"Just keep doin your thing," he said, say no more

Get Rich Schemes #8

2012-02-06T10:41:00.000-08:00

At this rate, instead of actually doing all these things I could just bind them in a book, have Malcolm Gladwell write the introduction, and make quad-trillion dollars selling these do-it-yourself manuals in local book stores. I'd include a couple blank pages after each idea so that people could have some time to reflect, scribble some notes, draw some logos, and then boost their financial baller-ness. But none of you are allowed to use Cran-ye, that's my golden chariot to living the MTV cribs lifestyle.

Moving right along, this next product is sure to revolutionize roughly one-third of your life. Unlike some of my other ideas that are pretty life-changing, this one is not that. This one is life ALTERING. First let me explain the difference between those two words.

Life-changing- How you go about your life is changed by the new product, business, or fame. You become a slightly different (better) person if you invest in my Burrito store. Your habits are changed.

Life-altering- Your life is legitimately better after investing in this product. You live healthier, happier, lose 45 pounds (if you need to), and enjoy going to the opera with your wife. You have a bounce to your step, a smile to your day, and a whistle to your tone. You're welcome.

OK, so what's this magical elixir that alters your life? That you spend 1/3rd of your life doing? Hint- it's not watching re-runs of COPS in hotel rooms.

SLEEP! That's right folks, I've invented a product in my mind that will change the way you sleep by bringing comfort to your lives and peace to your REM cycles.

I'm about to put a tic-tac sized worry in your head that over the course of the next several weeks will evolve and grow and expand and eventually turn into a huge WTF is wrong here moment inside of your cabeza.

I'm sure many of you are quite comfortable on your sleep-number beds, your tempurpedic mattress, or your water bed. How many of you think that your current situation is as good as it gets? Well I have an answer for you. It could get a whole lot better. EVERYONE knows that if you sleep on your face, you suffocate or wake up with an ache in your neck reminiscent of the time that you tried to break dance at that one college party back in the day and woke up in the fountain at your school wearing your schools mascot uniform. And the common human knows that sleeping on your back can lead to nightmares, midnight snacking, IBS, and 6 different forms of stiff back syndromes.

What I'm leading to is that the ONLY way to sleep safely and comfortably is to sleep on your side. You can breathe better and your body stays naturally aligned. However, there is one problem with this gem. Most humans have two arms.

Dun dun dun. How many nights have you spent completely unaware of what to do with your mattress side arm? Have you ever woken up with tingling fingers similar to the time you tried to see what would happen if you drank only coffee for one week straight? Have you woken up with one perfect shoulder and one really sore shoulder? What I'm really asking is... Are you actually happy with your current sleeping comfort level? I didn't think so.

I have the answer for you.

Introducing.................

The Crane Cut Mattress Line

Correct. I have created a product that has the answer to your arm-worries. With the perfectly measured slit in the mattress, your arm comfortable rests below your body- allowing free movement and pressure-free sleeping. Wonderful! Imagine a door with a mail-slot. It's like that, except the mail-slot is a lot bigger and more towards the top 1/4 of the mattress. Simply slide your arm in and drift off into an island paradise of sleep.

If you order a mattress for the whole family, we'll take 10 dollars off your order!

(MSRP $1499.00) (It's 1/3rd of your life. Spend the money)

But wait. In order for this mattress to work, you need the matching bed frame! Sure, you can use your current bed frame if you want to hacksaw a hole into the frame, therefore weakening the strengthening points in your IKEA model#542. Or, you can purchase the matching bed frame, with a 10000 ton strength guarantee. Our scientists have evaluated the tensile strength of the materials we used, and trust me when I say that they're awesome.

The great thing about the bed frame is that they will come with many majestic things carved into the headboard. Fighting gorillas, prancing ponies, Chunk from the Goonies, or Hilary Clinton. Whatever you want to watch over you while you enjoy the PERFECT nights sleep, we will have our woodcarver mold into the strong, durable, stylish wood that supports your new mattress.

(MSRP $2500.50) (It's 1/3rd of your life. Spend the money).

If everyone had this product, there would be no war, there would be no debt, and Tupac would have rapped the National Anthem at the Super Bowl with background vocals provided by King Tut.

Daydream
I fell asleep beneath the flowers
For a couple of hours
On a beautiful day
Daydream
I dream of you amid the flowers
For a couple of hours
Such a beautiful day
-Lupe Fiasco

Keeping Busy to Avoid Doing Homework

2012-02-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends!

First of all, I just wanted to ask how you are doing? What's new? Any new stresses at work or at home with your Xbox-live account? Are you managing? How are your New Years resolutions coming along? I sincerely hope that everything is swell on your side.

That's better. I feel like blogs are too one-sided and often forget to take into account the most valuable asset to the success of the blog- the reader. What if I wrote a blog that was making jokes about the mating habits of South American poison dart frogs (which I'm sure are joke worthy) but I didn't know that ALL of my readers on that given day were activists against unprotected poison dart frog mating and didn't find humor (or humour, because I KNOW that there are some Canadians who read here) in the jokes that I presented?

That would be terrible. So if anyone has any gripes or stories to share that would positively influence the mood on this site, please share!

LOL

Continuing on, school is terrible. Luckily I was able to teach Aristotle a lesson when I compared him to Malcolm X to Woody from Toy Story in a presentation. I'm not going to elaborate on that because there is no reason to because all you need to know is that my favorite character in Toy Story (one) is Rex. He is such a good friend- it is heartwarming. If they were to create a movie with Rex from Toy Story as the Protagonist, I don't think that it would be very successful because Americans HATE seeing a dinosaur as a good guy. I would watch it though, and try and learn as much as I could about how to deal with having short arms, because I think that is a problem I suffer from.

So besides training, I've got to keep busy somehow. Here's my recent top three (besides homework and studying of course)

1) TV Shows

I invested in a Netflix subscription and ooooh my has it been paying off nicely. We don't have cable so I've been doing a lot of catching up on shows that were SO HUGE a couple years ago but just blew right past my head like anything over 5'3" does for Steve. I like TV shows better than movies because then I don't have to commit a full 1.5-2 hours for a movie, and then feel like a dirtbag for spending that much time watching something. So instead if I watch 3-4 TV episodes, I don't feel as bad about myself! Here is my recent list of what I've been watching- luckily I am so far behind that I'm not going to run out of new-to-me episodes anytime soon.

       - Dexter
   - The League
       - Breaking Bad
       - Always Sunny in Philadelphia
       - Sons of Anarchy
       - Burn Notice
       - Freaks and Geeks
       - Entourage
don't forget about the ones I watch on HULU
       - Modern Family
       - Parks and Recreation

"Wow that is a shocking list. Ian you have such good taste, and quite the variety of selections also! May I come sip tea* and watch something with you?"
        - Probably what you're thinking right now

Now that I typed it out I'm a little concerned because that is a lot of shows. I swear I do other things.

* I recently .... picked up... a small tea obsession. And whoa did you know how awesome tea is?

Always Sunny is my favorite. Right now.

2) Books

Did you know that if you read for pleasure it's more fun than reading for school? Yeah, really! And oh boy I have a small problem that involves 7 books that I am currently in the midst of. PLUS 9 more waiting to be read during the traveling season. Hopefully those 9 last me through March.

The two that I am most consistently choosing to read are Operation Mincemeat and In the Pursuit of Excellence. Radically different, because one is essentially about not going 4 loko crazy when you compete and the other is about going 4 loko crazy with your ideas on how to win (a war). Both interesting and both potentially lifechanging, much like the Wu-Tang concert I went to last week.

3) Cooking

Every once in awhile I love a chance to get all Ratatouille up in this motha'. I won't Kennettron it by breaking down the caloric intake so everyone feels bad about themselves but I'll say I really like vegetable soups. I also made a pretty awesome curry that tasted like it was imported from a place that curry is created regularly (my mom's kitchen).

Cooking tip for the day- Don't burn things.

The exciting news is that in one month I don't have to be bored anymore and I get to participate in the World Championships! At Mason Lake. And then I get to do lots of cool races, which I'll talk about more sometime in the next month when Fe-Bru-Ary gets boring and I want to share my race schedule. Which is awesome and everyone should be on their toes with excitement about. Like me!

I've taken us on one large full circle.

Important- I've gotten into a habit of illegally poster-sizing without photographer consent through Costco in order to turn cool pictures from the internet into fantastic wall art for my bedroom. Case in point:

Pretty much my room is awesome. If there is any ever questions about photographer consent blah blah blah let's come to the agreement that it is pretty awesome that DBC photo DOT COM was able to get a press pass for Milan San Remo and snag a great shot of Matt Goss winning with Gilbert looking ROOSTED and Cancellara looking quite angry. Pipo Pozzato is also in the background but he is in the process of seducing an Italian woman off the side of the course so he isn't in focus.

Moving on, long story shorter, Costco messed up the colors on my most recent print. Did it turn out better? I can't really decide. It's almost seizure inducing, but at the same time, somewhat bad-ass. Help!

Thank you very much for reading and I hope that you have a wonderful day.

Intelligent Times

2012-01-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

The theme of my week has been liquid. Of course I mean that because I have ridden indoors without the fan that Steve has been hoarding in his room while I go through two bottles and two towels in a one hour roller workout and still leave a sweat puddle the size of Papua New Guinea (also, for you haters who are thinking in your mind "uhhh Ian, Papua New Guinea is actually quite a small country, so therefore you probably didn't sweat that much if you're comparing it to a mini-country", you're wrong and stop your playa-hating because it's still a country which is a large land mass that is home to over six million people. Which means it's a HUGE puddle on the floor of the garage).

So when the snow made a mess of Bellingham I dealt with it. But I'm no hero because lots of people rode inside all day this week OH and also congrats on posting it to your facebook that you rode X-amount of hours on the trainer, twice.

MOVING ON. I rode outside today! And I am going to talk about that. After 24 straight hours of torrential, down-pouring, sky emptying drizzle (kidding it wasn't a drizzle, it was raining quite hard) Lil'Steve and I went out on a bike pedal adventure. Most of the snow had melted away but there was still some sketchy sections where the snow hadn't quite melted yet and there was icy-slush (not liquid form, that's why it's not blue) residue in random spots on the pavements. Steve went a little bit faster than me in those sections because he was riding a cross bike with narrow road tires which are designed for slicing through the ice getting him down to the pavement underneath the ice whereas my wider tires kept me above the surface and made me slip and almost fall three times. But I didn't! Hooray for that. Also, Steve's center of gravity is quite low.

The best part of the ride was how delicious the water in the bottles tasted. Just pure wonder inside of the bottles. The air temperature was of proper levels and the bicycle-pedaling exertion was at the right balance that the drinking while riding was pure pleasure. I know you've experienced those days- the ones where the water tastes SOOO GOOD that there must be something in it that makes it taste better than normal. Delicious. Delicacy. Dreamy.

I could continue with liquid stories but I'll stop there. I now leave you with a text message thread between myself and my sister. She just got back from racing track bikes at the Beijing World Cup and I think she picked up some humor during the long plane ride. Or at least planned for this moment that I properly countered.

T: what did the ocean say to the other ocean?
I: nothing, it just waved
T: are you shore you got that?
I: stop being so shellfish, your jokes krill me!
T: haha, I sea what you did there. what are you going to watch whale you ride the trainer today?
I: we shell sea. the trainer is a beach but I'll find something to tide me over
T: oooh, you're good. oar are you cheating?
I: I could say the same to your fishy responses!

Also, everyone should follow @telacrane (she's not a liquid but links are blue, so click it. Well technically I guess humans ARE more than 60% water but....) on twitter because when she tweets, she often makes fun of me.

We're normal, I swear it.

Peace Bros.

"Now what we have here is a Capuchin monkey, he makes his home in the rainforest. Now the rainforest is threatened by ....

The rainforest? That sounds WET"

-Brian Fellows, Safari Planet, SNL

A weekend of Bonding

2012-01-17T10:17:00.000-08:00

My arms and back aren't sore anymore!

This weekend was the first meet and greet of the 2012 season for the HB Elite team. It was an opportunity to reunite with the teammates from last year and a chance to get to know the new guys before we are forced to go through airport security together at 4:50 am- a time of the day and a situation where you really get to see the true personality of a man.

Friday for me started out pretty normal. I was sitting in my car waiting for David, when this creature stared at me from across the road. It proceeded to stare into my eyes, through my cornea and into my iris, sliding right through my retina and directly past my cerebellum into my cerebral cortex and just grazing past my medulla oblongata. It walked across the street, pounced onto my car, and stood there, staring into the depths of my potential as a human. A direct sign of trust, and a haunting foreshadowing of the trust exercises to come.

Fast forward to downtown Seattle, where all 13 of us (on Friday the 13th #scary) got to spend some quality time inside the offices of Hagens Berman, AKA the penthouse suite of Seattle. After a 1/8th of a second elevator ride that took us 33 floors into the building, we sat down in a conference room, greeted by several pitchers of water that were chilled by ice cubes that were created as a result of the Titanic running into the iceberg, chipping off large chunks of ice that made their way into our pitchers. Or perhaps even if someone filled a plastic bucket with water, then froze that. Ice cold. We did some general team meetings, individual rider meetings, sponsor presentations, and video interviews.

Reps from Blue bikes/Cole Wheels and Shimano came to give us some knowledge on product that we will be using this season. It's pretty great to have utmost confidence in the product that we'll be racing on this year, and it was awesome that the Shimano reps brought in the shoe ovens to fit our new R315 kicks. We'll be using those shoes, Shimano pedals, Blue Axino SL frames, and a pretty wide range of Cole wheels. I'll usually be on the T-50s or the C-38s, but I'm looking forward to doing some racing on the super-light Ventoux wheelset also.

Alex and Mercedes from Shimano set Cody up with his shoes


Where we sat for awhile. Optimal

Here is a quick teaser of what is to come with our video interviews- The goal is to have footage throughout the season and use these as fillers as videos we do for sponsors. And by we I mean WingerStudios.Com, who is responsible for the video. Also, all pictures I'm using are from WingerStudios.Com, unless I took them with my cellphone. Or also there are pictures that Winger took with his cellphone, so that technically does mean that some of the cellphone pictures are WingerStudios, but if there is no studio does that mean that Winger didn't take the picture?

Wingerstudios.com

I'm not really sure how Kennett got onto that subject, since the questions were all about things like "what type of rider are you?" and "what's your favorite race?".

After our meeting at the firm was over, we had a slim amount of time to change into fancy clothes and get to a restaurant for dinner with Steve Berman, our title sponsor. Naturally, we decided to change in the parking garage, do up our ties in the reflective windows, and steam iron our shirts with our breath.

Problem. We get to the van in the parking garage and notice that it has a flat tire. Since we are late, we decide to walk to dinner, to deal with the flat later. So we all change. Then someone has the bright idea to check to see when the parking garage gets locked up, and that time is troubling. That time means that now the flat tire must be changed BEFORE dinner, which means now 13 guys with little to no experience wearing fancy clothes must change a tire WITHOUT getting clothes dirty. We all succeeded except Kennett, and his clothes were definitely not dirty before starting the changing process. And by we all, I mean that three or four people changed the flat.

Now you might be asking "Ian, who was the most stylish, as well as most properly dressed for this occasion, besides you?" That is a good question since clearly I pulled off the fancy dinner clothes look the best, but I'd have to say that Cody was the next stylish. And I chose that because he wore the exact same color combinations as I did.

After dinner we went back to our hotel for the night. Before going to sleep, us locals (David, Colin, Steve, Winger and I) decided we should show the out-of-towners the Space Needle and Seattle Center. So we walked there and checked it out. It was quite majestic in the evening light.

Saturday morning we headed to Gravitec, who are one of our sponsors. We all were quite excited for the fun that was to be had. Kennett unfortunately caught some sort of 12hr bug (seafood?) so he didn't sleep well but he still was raring to go.

Gravitec is a company who specializes in fall protection for people who work at heights. They also do corporate team building activities- and we were able to participate in both of those throughout the course of the day. Here are some things that we did-

Human chain
Four way Tug-a-war (in which Jesse, Chris, and Myself were clearly superior to the other teams but lost due to ... weather)
Eight people standing on one milk crate (in the snow- Picture a movie where the protagonist finally accomplishes something they've been looking to do for their whole lives and as the rain falls in slow motion and fireworks explode into the air the characters throw up a fist pump in excitement and pound their chest in a slow-motion, excitement-filled frenzy)
Trust activities
Trust falls
Harness related repels
Rope climbing
Ping pong ball moving team exercise
Floating pvc pipes
Burritos
Leadership stuff

These activities were set up so the task gradually got more and more difficult throughout the day, and we were able to see our progression as a team. We all took something out of this experience, and it was cool to see some peoples inner-leader come out.

Here are some of those fancy Winger Studios pictures I was talking about-

Human Chain- My legs are currently a... tunnel for Colin....

David falls into our soft, supple & trusting arms

Schmitz gets his 100 ft of rope climb on

Rescue simulation

4-way Tug-o-War

Cody, David, Myself, and Jesse manipulate the elastic to try and grab the paint can

Pictures say a thousand words, so this blog post was 13,000 + words in length. So Kennett may have posted first, but well, yeah. These exercises proved A) how competitive we are and B) how well we work as a team.

I give my advanced apologies for every soul we crush this year in Bike Racing tournaments.

Some Say That Bike Racers Aren't An Educated Bunch

2012-01-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

Not all bike racers are huge-headed. Just Lang. But huge-brained, that's a different story. I mean Colin graduated College. And so did David and Chris Parrish! And maybe someday Steve will also.

But here I have proof that our minds didn't rot, either from almost a month off of school (me) or from long days working in a hotel and doing extremely weird things to their bikes (Kennett).

Really Kennett? A homemade saddle bag? Those cost like, two dollars. A Bento Box? Please, pull down your compression socks and remove the neoprene wetsuit off your brain and think for a second. Who am I? Where do I belong? Do I want to return to these days?

Remember Kennett. It's always better to starve than to have a Bento Box strapped onto the front of your bike.

Anyways, here is a FB chat conversation that Kennett and myself had. Clearly proving our intelligence.

: I can't tell if it was likeable or not. Now I'm tearing myself apart

: What did you say?

: I don't even remember

: do you think that things that no one remembers actually happened? there's no way to disprove this. or prove it.

: I've read that three times and I've come to the conclusion that if it can't be remembered that it doesn't exist- but if something doesn't exist that means that in order for it not to exist it must begin to exist

: you're saying it had to exist in the first place but then not be remembered?--therefore nullifying its existence?

: I'm saying that the simple act of existing existentially shows that remembrance is directly correlated to the inclusion of existing memories

So there.

A Wonderful Joyous VICTORY

2011-12-23T21:41:00.000-08:00

A couple mere minutes ago some time in the past I typed some fateful words into an internet comment box. I said-

Smith hat would match me
Maybe make THE Joe Holmes proud?
Probably maybe

The reason for this occasion? Simple. A Glider Bison Giveaway. I've entered many of these in the past, simply trying to win things that were once handled by THE Sam Johnson. But this time, something quite magical happened.

I was a winner!

To tell this in a format that might make more sense, let me interpret this message via......

KROGG!

"Krogg hold huge contest. Prize worth three whole turkey leg fresh off fire started from huge clump Mammoth belly hair! Krogg no like this hat, hat makes Kroggs ears look big like Mastodon tusk growing off face of KING MASTODON! Krogg have idea- make people write funny things into comment box and let number generator pick the "random" best one! Krogg know however, Caveman-Ian write good Haiku many times over- more times than Krogg climb mountain to chop tree for fire- AND Krogg know that THE Joe Holmes feel good about sponsor related products! Krogg KNOW that Ian haiku worthy of hat-prize. Krogg number selects WINNER. Celebration of five successful-hunts!"

Ok, I promise to leave that form of writing to the expert from now on. I'm quite happy! Ever since I lost the Haiku Favorites Runner Up Contest I've been scheming. FINALLY!

What's this?!?!

GLORIOUS DAY!

Thanks Sam and Team Exergy for the swag.

California related title

2011-12-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

I'm too sleepy right now to think of any sort of creative lyric or sonnet or anything to post as the title. Titles are usually the hardest part of writing a blog because how can you really categorize the crazy things that run through my head into a simple sentence or phrase? It's difficult. It's also probably pretty difficult to come up with titles when you write about something that happened 6 months ago. Not that anyone I know does that.

Here's a fun game for you to play. Try to think of as many song TITLES that have some sort of California related connection in them. It sounds pretty easy, right? Here are some obvious ones-

California Love- Tupac
Beverly Hills- Weezer
Back to Cali- Notorious BIG
California Girls- Katy Perry
Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Compton's in the House- NWA
Say Goodbye to Hollywood- Eminem

ETC. So now try and think of any more. It's actually pretty difficult, huh? The first time that I made the driving trip down with T$ to LA last Nov. we played this game (whoa! blogging about something a year old!), and came up with list roughly 11 things long. We thought that was pretty good, but since the internet knows everything I did some research. Turns out there are a lot more than 11 songs about California and that there is an entire Wikipedia page devoted to these songs.

So now that I've made up for a lack of title with interesting trivia, let me catch us up on our journey, California style.

I flatted again today. But instead of talking about that, let me engulf you into a story about a man and wildlife. A man and nature. A man and his bike.

I was riding my bike alone, just doing some simple through and off on PCH. Unimportant to the story, but relevant to the mood, I was wearing my Summer Whites, aka my white HB jersey. As I was through-ing up a hill (NOT THROWING UP) I happened to glance to my right into the vastness that is the Atlantic KIDDING Pacific Ocean and I saw something. The unmistakeable excitement that is a shark attack about to happen. I'm talking several fins Jaws-theme-songing their way through the shallow water, about to team up on a helpless something, much like in the excellent Sy-Fy original "Malibu Shark Attack".

As I was preparing for an epic Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus type battle between this herd of Sharks and whatever they were about to choose to eat for brunch, I was disappointed, or maybe overjoyed, to see that these sharks weren't actually ferocious killers, for they weren't actually sharks! They weren't just flotsam either. I wasn't fooled by something floating at me like the dumb girl from the movie "Deep Blue Sea" but I was just incorrect in naming my species. They were either a pack of Porpi (my way of saying porpoise plural) or a dollop of dolphins. Because once they started jumping in and out of the water like a graph of a function that kept going from negative to positive along the X axis I knew that they weren't sharks. Sharks can't be bothered to jump out of the water like that, unless they're really hungry-

That was a clip from an episode of the excellent television show "Planet Earth". Everyone should check out that series it's quite stunning.

But yes, I saw a dollop of dolphins on my ride today, and since I'm in California, why not?

Ok, the next exciting thing that I am choosing to talk about instead of talking about how I've gotten more flats in three days of riding here than I did all last winter and the beginning of this winter combined is this awesome structure that I saw today. And yesterday.

From a distance, this son-of-a-gun looks like your simple water-tower. Ya know, like a candle on stilts with a roof on it sort of thing. Wait what? A roof? Yes, this "water-tower" is actually a vacation rental home.

Since we all know how much I enjoy living in luxury, I have some respect for this $4000 a week rental. In fact, as I was changing a flat in its shadow I sketched a quick picture!

But srsly, check this place out! Really cool.

http://designhardwoods.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=90/

And plus, you'd be renting from this guy.

He looks like a mix of John Waters and Johnny Bravo!!!

TTYL

Learning the Truth About Myself

2011-12-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

Last week, I tweeted something along the lines of "hashtag I'm so weak I had to lift the xmas holidayz tree my arms are so little". This was a fun experience because when I lift a 8 lb medicine ball it does not equal a AT LEAST 15 pound Christmas tree. Yikes! That fun continued yesterday on my bike pedal.

I rode with two track riders, and I attacked them on 12 occasions. However, that is not the story.
It starts roughly 47 minutes into the ride, when I flatted my rear tire. Simple, I removed the tire, checked for debris, and put in a new tube. I noticed that my rim-tape was sort of crooked. So I straightened it out, and then I used a hand pump to put roughly 3 hours worth of riding PSI into my tire. My right arm felt slightly tired.

One hour and four attacks later, I felt the rear starting to get soft again. Pulled over, removed the tube, found some glass, noticed a off centered rim strip. Changed the tube. Pumped it up to slightly less PSI than before due to horrible, horrible pains in my arms. Removed the hand pump. PSJHSDKJHKSHFGJHFHJSKL:LKJHGFDFGHJKL. With the removal of the hand pump came the removal of the valve stem. NOT HAPPY. Now I am no longer on top of things- since I only brought two tubes. So I borrowed a tube. Down to one tube for 3 of us. This time I used a C02 canister because my arms felt as if I had just competed in a handstand-handwalking marathon with a midget doing a tango on my feet.

PS, my tires are ~680 cc so they don't come on and off easily. At this point my hands are now throbbing and my knuckles are bleeding from smacking them into my spokes. Repeatedly.

So we start riding. Collin and I drop Ian up a climb. Four minutes later I flat the rear, AGAIN. This time, I'm assuming that my rim-tape is F'ed out the Ying Yang (twins).

So instead of changing this flat, I was conned into believing that there was "a bike shop like, 2 miles from here!". So I decided to ride the flat to the bike shop. Since I had no air in my tire, I was riding out of the saddle. Which is doing a reverse pull up on the front of my bike as I held my girth away from the rear wheel. About 7 minutes of that later and 400 arm twitches it was decided that this bike shop was still maybe 3 miles away. So we pulled over, and I hand pumped the tire back up to riding PSI so that I could do 12 seconds of really fast riding before the tire went flat again. This is 3 times with the hand pump now.

A couple minutes later it became time to pump it up again, so I pulled over right after a construction sight, and got to pumping. For those of you that have never seen a cyclist on the side of the road using a hand pump to put air into a tire, it may be the reason that the average American citizen tries to run cyclists over. Imagine that video of the guy at the Texas Tech football game ringing the bell. It may look like something else.

I get around 50 psi in the tires and hear some laughing. Look up and the construction site is LOL'ing at me pumping up my tires. Ok, continue.

And we made it to the bike shop! But it was a BMX bike shop, and when I asked if they had road tubes, the employee said "uhhh... maybe". He did! So then I took the tire and found a staple that had worked its way into my tire. I had to dig the sucker out with a razor blade! And then for kicks and giggles I bought a new rim-strip. And made it ALL the way home without flatting again!

3 flats, 4 tire changes, 1 million mini-pump pumps, bloody knuckles, and sore arms.

Then Tela made me carry a milk jug home from the grocery store! OUCH!

OK, bye kids. More bike pedaling!

California, Knows How to Party

2011-12-13T09:57:00.000-08:00

I left you in a state of despair. In fact yesterday I ALMOST did something ridiculous. I just about, was planning, was on the verge, around the corner, pick and choose, or non-debatable going to ride the...rollers.... yesterday. I was originally going to try and ride on the track, but since my bike is in the attic in Bham and my road bike tires don't accept the proper PSI (proper strength indicator) for the steep banking, I couldn't.

So I took all my stuff to the track and by the time I had gotten there I had made up my mind that I wasn't a soft-pansy-child and I came to California to ride the bicycles outdoors in the sunshine, and I'll be G'D if I don't end up doing that. So I chose to ride outdoors. As I was preparing for rain riding, here are some of the statements that these other bike racers said to me-

Did you know it's raining out? (yes I did) Here in California a rain day means a rest day!
THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR BRINGING THIS
Why did you bring this from Seattle?
It's probably not going to be very much fun out there?
Eat a Burger!
This wasn't very kind of you to bring this weather from Seattle

LOL

So far, 7 people have blamed me for the weather. Which c'mon, after a quick Google search it's pretty clear that it is physically impossible for me to carry a rain cloud with me from Seattle. So I ain't no hollerback gurrrrrl.

I've been making some connections and plotting some lines on Mapmyride, Ridewithgps, and Strava to try and find some good rides for me to go on in the next couple of days. I planned a really awesome ride with tons of climbing all within a pretty close distance to Cypress, which was sort of odd. So I google map zoooooooooomed in on it, and turned out that both of my climbs were dirt hiking trails. Problem? No, not really. Then I found this. I'm still all set to give it a go, but I'm pretty sure that I should wait a couple days so that the dirt roads have a chance to dry a little bit before I begin the madness.

In other related news (not actually related to anything I've talked about) (but related to this trip), my sister is weird. True story. Somehow she got in a conversation with someone about something. And this something is a taller, crazier tale than the time that someone else did something taller and crazier. Tela and her associate discussed sleep patterns. What happens when one sleeps? What really goes on in the depths of dormir? What occurs in dream-land? Inception.

So Tela downloaded a "Sleep Talk" app for her phone. This app is designed to turn on at any indication of noise. So turns out T$ is a crazy mo-fo and potentially is possessed. Most of the things that the phone recorded were along the lines of an agressive roll over, or perhaps a deep breath. But then there was that one recording where Tela started talking about nonsense like a demonic satanic cray cray loco person. The key words were "rabbits" and "that's it". So take what you like from that.

So naturally, since I needed to know that I am not a crazy person and demonic-sleeptalk doesn't run in the family, I downloaded this same app last night.

Some may hope for a happy tale, one ripe with song.
Or even a night filled with wonderful stories, some right, some wrong.
But in fact I'll tell you, that on this very night,
I said nothing, nay, my mouth, yes it stayed shut tight.
So if you think that perhaps, this night chatting runs in the Fam, PLEASE
For since when you listen to my recording, yes, all you'll hear is Zzzzz's.

Ok I'm going to go to bike practice now.

Bye!

California Vacation

2011-12-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

Let me share some gospel from some of the most intelligent thinkers of our time-

Cry me a river- Justin Timberlake

Tearin' up my heart- Nsync

You got it you got it bad- Usher

It's GON RAIN- The weatherman

In fact, I just walked outside and I got very wet, much like someone who walked into a very wet place. The tragic part of this situation is that I am not in Bellingham or Sammamish, but I took a jet plane to Californiaaaa to do a good week of bike pedaling all while hanging out with my sister. The good news behind this weather travesty is that since I am not a soft child I will still be doing some good bike pedaling, but as my coffee consumption is going up my cortisol levels rise along with that as the residents of Tela's house blame me for bringing the weather from Seattle to LA, since it "hasn't rained like this in FOREVER". Srsly though, come on how can I possibly bring a weather cycle 1000 miles South on a 48 passenger airplane? NOT MY FAULT. But this airplane, I now know how it feels to be a Giant in a humans world, or potentially Steve in a kindergarten class: HUGE. This plane was tiny, but it seemed like I was the only person with any problems. My head scraped on the ceiling while walking, and no one elses did. Then I had to use the bathroom, which was the equivalent of 30 people trying to get into a smart car, or Kennett trying to get into an SUV. It was a tight fit.

ANYWAYS

Oh look at the scenery, beautiful palm trees!

Tela and I were going to go on a ride this morning and then I was going to ride again for 4x that length. Tela ended up riding the rollers on the deck wearing LS Jersey, Leg Warmers, and a beanie.

What I just overheard- "Only drug and crack dealers don't have drivers licenses!"

To continue.

Tela picked me up from the airport with the joyous news of "Let's go do laundry!!!!!". Celebrateeee goood times c'mon

Choose what to think about this Cafe name

So today I will scratch my nose and twiddle my thumbs and listen to rap music until Inti comes to play. Or perhaps I will challenge the track sprinters to a 12 lap race.

How Could I Forget?

2011-12-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

I am seriously ridiculous. I forgot to talk about three great moments in the history of Hagens Berman 2011 and since I know that all of y'all are missing the adventures of my teammates (the actual interesting people on this blog) I decided I would share three more bite size morsels of excellence. I've already introduced you to the characters here. This mini-novella will feature Cody, Dan-Land, and Kennett. Awwww I'm so sad I miss my friends :( :(.

So we begin.

Morsel 1 ------------------->

Daniel ____ Bechtold: hero, innovator, and legend. Dan-land knows how to travel. Like when none of us knew if he was racing Univest and I stumbledupon (not the website, Spencer) him in an airport bathroom. In Pennsylvania. I guess he was racing! But that is not the bite size tidbit that will keep you occupied until we begin our madness again in March.

Flash back in time, yet flash forward this story to the ending. Where we convene in some airport that we all had different connecting flights to and Dan is joyfully explaining to us how he JUST about missed his connecting flight out of Denver. They had to re-open the doors of the gate for him and everything! How did this happen? In the Denver Airport, Dan-Land discovered a special area. This area was a separate level, one that was quieter, calmer, and more serene than the first floor. Dan knew what had to be done. A nap was in order. It's ok though, don't fret readers- he remembered to set his alarm. Phew! In fact, how do you get the most out of layover nap time? You sleep for as long as possible. For Dan, that meant you set your alarm for 5 minutes before the plane... departs. Snoozin! Cheers to the innovation!

Morsel Deux ~~~~~~~~~~>

Let us continue on the journey that is traveling. Cody J Campbell is the protagonist. I am not a gambling man, but if I haddddd to be, I'd say we were in the Chicago Airport. If I remember correctly, this is the airport where we saw the man with the tail. Lion King! Cody was sooooo hungry, that boy needed some SNACKS. We are lined up, as per SWA boarding procedures, and notice that our lone Canadian has gone missing. Big trouble in little paradise! We board and giggle about how Cody is missing that precious B17 boarding spot. All of us end up sitting in a similar location, and as the minutes tick by and the seconds climb higher than everytime Kennett gets on the scale, we start to get worried. Where is our Canadian friend? Had he snuck on the plane without us seeing? Was he deported? Did he lose his passport that he always keeps around his neck? The flight attendant gets on the speakers "Is passenger Cody Campbell here? Hello, does anyone know Cody Campbell?" We cheer from the back of the plane. She comes back to us, and asks if we've seen him. "Yes, just recently!!" "Well can you call him?" And then we simultaneously laugh about the his Canadian cell phone. With just minutes to take off Cody rushes on board with a gleeful smile on his face that could only mean one thing.

He got some snacks.

Morsel III >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Traveling has happened, now we are at some bike race. Kennett Tabernackle Peterson is your vicious beast on this one. It's funny, because Blogger thought I meant to write that Kennett is viscous. Which is giggle worthy. Get yer giggles in. We were doing this bike stage race tournament in Bend, Oregon. It hurt a lot, and we all were racing for the elusive 150th GC spot, which would be the last person allowed to enter the crit the following day. Logan ended up being Lantern Rouge, because he's only 16. The tricky situation about this is we literally had no idea what was going to happen with time gaps, people in front of us, etc. So the stage before the crit was very important. The final climb of the day is a really uncomfortable drag up to Mt Bachelor, and after 3+ hours of racing the 20 minute climb is a P.O.S. We all knew we had to go as hard as we could on this climb because just like when you're sleeping in an airport, every second counts. Everyone knows that the most important part of bike racing is beating your teammates, and when Kennett hit the base of the climb and powered away from me there was nothing I could do. His huge muscles are quite beneficial for those climbs of 7 minutes in duration, but around the 8th minute my group caught up to his and went right by. Booyah! Basically that meant I could coast in because I was going to beat Kennett. As our group rounded a bend (in Bend) I heard the sound of a dying pickup truck being attacked by a catfish with pneumonia. The unmistakeable Kennett Peterson suffer sound. I had to attack. I kicked once, and I heard from a couple pedal strokes behind me a slightly louder noise, this time sprinkled with a small noisy taste of Cat-Fight. The gasping and heaving got closer, louder, and more vibrant as the mountain continued. The beauty and serenity of the wildflowers, mountain goats, and the Illegal Feed Zone were shadowed by the sound that a frog would make if you forced it to play saxophone when it was drunk. I didn't dare look around. I attacked again. The noise followed me. It haunted my future dreams. It finished with me.

Some say if you attack a man hard enough, you can hear his true soul. For this reason I am thankful that Kennett Tabernackle Peterson is my teammate, because I am scared to death of his true soul.

Thank you very much for your time and have a fantastic day.

Love,

Ian

Ways of Expression- Hot Sauce Edition

2011-11-29T11:16:00.000-08:00

I really like words. I don't really know too many words, other then to describe myself as a Xanthochroi. But no biggy. Actually though, words are pretty cool- You can use them in whatever way you so choose, and you can't really be wrong. I don't mean wrong in a grammar sense, their our the haters (that was on purpose FYI for you're information) (that one was also), but I mean wrong in the sense that a person can combine any set of words to get an idea across. That made no sense, but it's not important! With words I can pretend like I know how to properly get an idea across, and it doesn't matter. These words are mine! Words are like clay, they can be molded however you choose.

Truth be told, this word-madness came about because a post I did from April got a lotttttt of unexplainable views this past week. I'm not really sure why- It's a GREAT representation of me, but not really relevant to much. This post leaped back into the hit-counter and I was somewhat inspired. Only somewhat. Then something amazing happened!

Inspiration is a crazy beast-

Give a Gorilla a beer and he's going to be inspired.

Inspiration hit me this weekend when I got a incredible bottle of... hot sauce (not beer). I really like spicy foods. The small problem is that most spicy foods don't really seem 5-star spicy to me. I order that at Thai restaurants, they cry, resist, say my Xanthochroi genes can't handle the 5-star. I demand, threaten, and plead my case. Finally they bring me the 5-star, wish me luck, and leave. Then I gobble up my Pad Thai as if I was eating a bowl of oatmeal. No problems.

The sriracha was a good opponent. For roughly two meals. Then I had to keep adding more and more until my nightly meal of rice, chicken, and vegetables was died red with the rooster spice. The green tastes good, but it's basically a dessert hot sauce because I notice no spice.

But then something happened.

I believe it or not got this from my mom, not from some seedy potion dealer in the alleys of downtown Seattle. I was instantly attracted to this because of the size. If it's sold in such a small flask, the suggested serving must be one to two dropper-fuls. So my serving should be about 1/2 a bottle. I tried some. A tiny drop. On my tongue. Burning. Flavors. Stinging. Tearing eyes. Sobbing. Guzzling jugs of milk. Sucking on ice cubes. Celebration. Another drop. Love.

I just can't express my happiness with only one way of writing. So I give you WORDS <3

Haiku-

Always Resistant

This is the simple sauce fact

Hot sauce glory here

This kind of poem-

Basically

All

Ian

Loves

Excludes

Yesterdays

Funny

Aromatic

Raisin

Muffins

(I really like this type of poem because it never really involves what you actually are trying to talk about. It's like rap music. Speaking of....)

Rap- (DMC style)

Nowwww let me tell you bout that time

when I tried something special yup it blew my mind

Came in a bottle all small and spicy

Thank goodness momma bought it would've been to pricy

Grade School Poetry-

Roses are red, violets are blue

I'ma eat this whole bottle tonight

And you're not invited

Country Song (read to yourself with a twang. You absolutely better or else it will sound like everything else)-

I was ridin' my horse, every day, when a poor man came up and asked the way

He said he was lookin' for a place, a place in town, where he could fix his god-awful wayward frown

I gave him a smile, flashed my charm, and sent him towards Bailey's Farm

Now he's happy, and thats the truth, so I got off my horse and put on my boots

Chorus- Hot sauce is the greatest, it goes well with my food, I put it on everythang yup it puts me in the mood, I said the peppers start my engines yup they lasso my desire, so I rope up my horses, call it Chariots of Fire, Cuz I'm a rebel of the days, I don't leave nothing for the news, I'm a one man army without my pal Jesus (hey-soos).

Simple.

It continues.

Poem that makes H.S English teachers analyze for days-

The weather is bland, like a leafless tree in the winter,

Spirits are low as the tide

When will there be some excitement?

The wind whistles, to and fro

Food is consumed, lifeless, loveless,

When will there be some excitement?

A special bottle appears, magical to touch

Spirits lifted like balloon into the sky

Here, I have found the excitement.

Right, and that's all that I've got for you. If there are any poets out there, feel free to comment with some additions! Cool!

And since I haven't talked about bike-pedaling once. I did that with David and Lang this weekend. It was a monsoon, and David didn't wear a rain jacket, so that means the weather wasn't that bad. Also, I attacked the neighbor kid in a race. And I won.

Ttyl bros

I Did Something Hilarious This Weekend!

2011-11-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you all about it. I did something quite strange on Sunday, November 20th, 2011. At one point participating in this sort of... event... was something quite normal for me to do. Now at these events I'm more out of place than Spencer at an Under-Eaters anonymous meeting.

BUT FIRST! Let me tell you about the Ian^2 Adventure that took place at roughly 9:08 on this Wintery Sunday morning. I woke up to approximately 3mm of ice on all my windows. An EXPERT removed this for me, and I took off on the driving mission to pick up Ian Terry for our initial journey to pick up Lang, to go to the event. Excellent. While driving, I noticed that my mirrors were still icy, so the adventure began when I pushed the window-down button on my beautiful car. Whirrrrrr-grinddddd (sound of gears spinning inside of my car door trying to make my window drop down). Whirrrrrrr. Nothing. No movement of window. So here I go and decide that my window must be frozen shut, so I place four fingertips onto my window and gently try and provoke it to start working. Nothing. I whisper into its ear. Nothing. I apply slight pressure to the window in the general go down direction and suddenly it just DROPS. Now my window is half way open, it is 0 degrees outside (hello my non-American readers!) and my nose is starting to get cold. No worries, I push the up button hoping that my window now works, and whirrrrrrrrr. Nada. Excellent! I arrive at Ian's beautiful home and he has duct tape! With me using the four-finger technique to slide my window into place, Ian (confused? I don't talk in third person) put suture-esq duct tape strips onto my window. Swag!

Do not come to my house and remove the tape and slide the window down and let your self into my car and steal my chewing gum and my quarters.

Ok, so then we picked up Lang. Who was all dressed up in bike clothes (hint! We're going to a bike race) 3 hours before the race.

Then we went to a cyclocross race! What? Yes, I tried to do a cross race this weekend.

I have ridden a cross bike 2 times since last December. Once on Thursday, and once at the race on Sunday. And Thursday was on a gravel trail, and Steve still dropped me on the "technical" sections. So I went to this bike race with simple goals: Bump Ian Terry in a corner, get heckled, not crash, ride hard in the sections that I could ride hard in, and beat Lang.

SUCCESS!

After almost missing the start because I was talking to my mom and enjoying the company of my puppy, I was in the zone. I decided that it really wasn't worth it to kill myself to make absurd passes in the first couple of difficult corners (at least to me) so I was content to just wait. Exciting moment one! I bumped Ian in the about 4th corner, and than Morgan Schmitt closed the door so Ian had to get off his bike and yeah! Great fun success. It's ok though, because he returned the favor about 13 seconds later. I really didn't like this section of course right here though-

Oops, that's not me.

There was one section of sustained pedaling that wasn't hampered by silly corners that made me use my brakes. So on the first lap I went ballllllistic on this section and went from roughly 18th place to making connection with the lead group by the end of the first lap. Great!

But this is not a Fairy Tale. Unlike when this guy races something outside his forte-

This does not happen for me-

It's ok though. I made my way to that front group and stayed there for about 2 minutes and 13 seconds. I don't think that those guys realized that the corners didn't have optimal traction or surface material, because they went through them much faster then I could.

After much hilarity

It became time to do something that I'm more comfortable with! Sprinting on pavement! Except for the 40 psi in the tires and the 187degree corner 30 meters from the line part. But an opportunity to sprint a 45t chainring is something I don't say no to.

Steve told me that cyclocross racers must sprint in the hoods, so I tried my hardest.

I had good fun, but definitely don't have any absurd thoughts of needing to do any more races. Because I might need to clean my bike if I do another race. Maybe I can con Steve into cleaning my bike.

I bumped Ian, I didn't crash, I beat Lang, and I was heckled! My favorite was "THE JUNIORS ARE BEATING YOU!!!" C'mon guys, Steve is 21. Give him a break.

OH! My helmet cover is so awesome! My head was the warmest part of my body- Check the steamin'

The hilarity did not stop at the end of the bike race though. Steve and I are slowly killing the world by each driving our cars into Seattle. Having no idea of the others schedule, we ended up leaving roughly 4 minutes apart to head back North. Since Steve drives like a maniac on crack (luckily his vanagon restricts his psychosis), he was putting some time into me. Until he ran out of gas! Sucka! He made it roughly .5 miles from the exit, and then was crawling with the flashers going. I was prepared to rear end him to push his car to the gas station, but instead all I had to do was clear an intersection so he could safely roll a stop sign and coast to the gas station. So I won the race home!

Frostbite report- Turns out my hands still hurt! And it also turns out that my parents don't find my frostbit hands as hilarious as I do, so my dad surprised me with a new pair of winter riding gloves! Thanks Dad! And my mom brought me three different pairs of gloves to try for many different weather conditions. Now nothing can stop me.

What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold! I can't hear you. I said what's cooler, than being cool? ICE COLD! Allright allright allright allright allright allright OK now ladies! Yeah? I'ma break it down for you in just a few seconds. I wanna see y'all on your baddest behavior. Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!

-Andre 3000

The Day After Tomorrow

2011-11-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

I want to ease everyone's worries. I did NOT die on my ride on Saturday, but I came pretty close. I like to consider myself a pretty decently tough human being, sometimes I try food that I don't like and other times I do things I don't want to when I am tired. Super tough! Other things that make me tough: I occasionally tread water for 4 days in a row, I can cook Minute Rice in 30 seconds, I'm wanted in Nicaragua, I've won 3 Oscars, I know all the lyrics to the song "LDN" by Lily Allen, I once wrestled a Wild Boar (and lost), I've cooked with chili peppers, air-dried instead of tumble dried my clothes, ate 15 raw eggs, and drove Bellingham-Seattle with the windows down. Oh, also I switched my email account from Yahoo to Gmail.

So now you know the background of my toughness, let me explain how I was broken on a bike ride this weekend. I had a pretty excellent route planned, one that was different from my normal long ride route. I wore clothes for 45 and dry, but unfortunately less than an hour into my ride it turned into 40 and raining. Hard. And windy. At about the hour and 10 minute mark I was yelling at the world as I sunk deeper and deeper into the dark place that is the America-Canada border.

I normally have no problem with rain. In fact, my new Lazer Helmet rain cover was working magnificently! But unfortunately this helmet cover didn't cover my entire body, and my hands were becoming quite uncomfortably cold.

About 1 hour later, I was past the shivering point and I pretty much was about to curl up into a ditch, bury myself with leaves, and hopefully wake up in Nicaragua (even though I'm wanted there! Exactly, that's how cold I was). For about 45 minutes of that long straight road I imagined myself in a coffee shop coming back to life. I pictured in my mind a Starbucks in a shopping center. This image was in my mind so much that when I entered Blaine I rode right past a coffee shop. But it wasn't a Starbucks in a shopping center, so I continued on. About 2 minutes later as I rode around in circles trying to find this Starbucks I realized that a coffee shop is a coffee shop. I made my way back to that wondrous place that I passed in my first minutes in town, and was so cold that after I walked up the stairs to the shop I didn't really put together the pieces that the next step was to go in the door. So I stood outside the shop and cursed the world until I remembered that I should go inside. I had to peel my wool Defeet gloves off with my teeth, since the wool shrinks when it gets wet. I then used my sunglasses to get my headphones out of my ears, since my fingers were useless. I ordered tea, and then took roughly 4 minutes to get my money out of the ziplock bag in my jersey pocket. Problem, my hands hurt too much to actually hold the tea, so I just kind of sat there confused at the concept of potential warmth. Then I realized I was sitting by a fireplace! Who knew. I finally drank some tea and got all giddy inside as my hands started to get past the unbelievable pain point and towards the tingling numbing point. Then I remembered that my poor soaking wet gloves were sitting outside in the rain. So I ventured back outside, cursed the weather some more, and grabbed my gloves. I put these on top of the fire, and sat some more. About 10 minutes later, it occurred to me that I probably should have squeezed some of the water out of the gloves, so I did that. As I wrung water out, the next thing that occurred to me is that I probably shouldn't be doing that onto the nice wood floor of this establishment, so I stiffly put a pile of napkins onto the floor and continued squeezing. Sorry!

HOW ADORABLE

Huge puddle on the floor aside, I started to gain some motivation to make my way home. I went and got another pot of tea. Put the teabag and poured all the water inside my water bottle. Which after the fact I realized that I'm pretty sure that's how you can get cancer, but I think that having your inside temperature be 50 degrees stops water-bottle cancer from happening. So then I (ps- Tela, I have no idea which then or than to use there. Sorry. I tried both and they both looked the same and it made sense anyways. I thought it'd be funny to say and made since anyways) had a BRILLIANT IDEA!! I hazingly-stumbled my way to the register and asked the question that would determine my fate for the ride home----

"This is going to seem like a really weird question to you. Uhh do you have any, like, uh, rubber cleaning gloves or something?"
Barista aka Life Saver, no hesitation "Yes, would you like some?"

I spent like 3 hours trying to determine if you could read my credit card number or not. I deemed it safe for internet posting

Jackpot! Then came the difficult decision on whether these gloves should go inside or outside of my other gloves. If I had dry gloves, the answer would definitely be on the outside. But since my gloves were still wet, I decided on using these as a baselayer glove to hopefully create a hand-sauna. Problem- size Small latex cleaning gloves are extremely difficult to put onto slightly wet hands. After a lot of wrestling, I succeeded, and set off on my journey home.

For 5 minutes I was great! And then it was freezing again. So I rode as hard as I possibly could for the next hour and a half to get home. The fun part is that my heart rate never got out of endurance heart rate while I was going as fast as possible to get home! So does that count as training? AKA extremely good training!

If you were super concerned, I made it, and it took 3-4 tries to correctly type in the garage code for me to get in the house. Here I am!

After showering, "warming up", eating, drinking tea, etc, my legs didn't hurt. I went on this big ride and went pretty hard and it felt like I hadn't ridden at all! New training plan- ice bath pre-ride. By doing all your training with numb legs, you will be able to go deeper, hit your intervals more effectively, and theoretically increase your training load. Try it!

PS, my hands still hurt today (2 days after).

Get Rich Edition I think 7

2011-11-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

Got a handful of stacks
better grab an umbrella
I make it rain (I make it rain)

So many future plans lately, it's been thrilling. Breaking news for all the people concerned of my well-being, we have turned the heat on. Exciting news! Now it's socially acceptable for me to walk around wearing... use your imagination.

BUT although the heat is on- making my movements slower, more comfortable, and less labored- My mind still races with ideas on financial stability. This is real folks. How can I roll around in piles of money?

1- Children's Story
Word! I'm going to pen a FANTASTIC children's book. It will likely be a 16-book series so that parents are forced to buy their kids every single book. And the resulting merchandise from the book!! That will be nice for my profits. The plan is to make this book really exciting with adorable yet relate-able characters. I will absolutely definitely not pay someone to illustrate this book, why would I want ~30 percent of my profits going to some Kook artist that doesn't fully understand my vision? I'll do the drawings myself. Ok, so I figure each book is going to bring in roughly $45,000. So if each of the 16 books makes that much, I'll bring in $720,000. I'm going to give 25% to my agent, because what sort of hooligan wouldn't. So that leaves me with just a hair over 1/2 a million dollars. SMACK. Then add in the profits from stuffed animals, action figures, posters, and maybe movie deals? We're looking at somewhere in the region of 1.3 million dollars just from the children's novel alone.

How long could you live off of 1.3 million dollars? An excellent long time.

2- Cran-ye West
That's it! I'm going to be a Kanye West impersonator. Not many reasons why him over someone else, other than the fact that I know the words to lots of his songs and the My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album was SICK. Let's be honest, the real 'Ye can't be bothered to make appearances at kids birthday parties.

The financial statistics, here is what you really care about. My estimates are based off of this chart-

I don't want to overestimate, so let's just assume that each gig as Cran-ye I'll pull in $3,500. I don't want to wear myself down too much, so I'll only do 3 events per week. That's $10,500 a week. Also known as $182,000 a year. Kanye is a busy guy, so I'm willing to bet that pretty soon he'd be asking me to step in for him at various events such as award shows, Super Bowl performances, and interviews on The Montel Jordan show. I'd charge him a flat rate of $100,000 per appearance. Assuming 10 of those appearances a year, that's a pile of cash about the size of $1,000,000.

I've been practicing.

With just these two, I'll be bringing in about on the positive side of 2 million dollars a year. I'd definitely buy name brand cereal with that change. This a fast life, we are on a crash course. What do you think I rap for? To push a f***in Rav 4?

Word to Martha Stewart, if I could park a buick

Then I could flip a Brinks truck- I got the heart to do it

Living in Luxury

2011-11-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lots about what it would be like to live if money wasn't a problem. IE, for those people who buying a new Audi is the equivalent of me buying a drip coffee. I'm not really sure why I've been thinking about cool houses so much recently. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we haven't turned our heat on yet and when I wake up our house is in the low 50s and when I get home from school it's 54 and when Matt cooks for 4 hours it gets up to 56 but drops again when I walk in the room because I'm such a cool character.

I'm also sure that house-lust hasn't had anything to do with me watching Entourage on Netflix. But it actually might be because of that. When I was younger (yesterday) (actually lots younger than yesterday) I would draw up elaborate dream house sketches. Very detailed blueprints including where I wanted hallways to be, what would be in each room, how many garages I'd have, and where my basketball hoop would live. And I know all of these because I remember really weird things, not important things like subjunctive conjugations for spanish tests, but weird unimportant things like layouts of houses I designed when I was 11.

I think this could be an acceptable job for me to have. Sort of like interior design, except more like interior excellence or something? I could only work with quad-billionaires and fulfill their living-dreams. I actually have had one client so far, here is my portfolio.

Whatevaaa. Here's some features I remember specifically from some of my house blueprints. Speaking of Blueprint, I've been listening to so much Jay-Z lately. THAT could be the factor why I'm talking about houses.

I'm in the hall already, on the wall already
I'm a work of art, I'm a Warhol already
On another level, on another plane already
H-O-V I got my own lane already

BUT the features. Right. These are from like 10 years deep of memories so roll with me.

-24,000 sq ft on the beach in Hawaii. I didn't know much about how big that actually was. I thought it was a modest size based off of what I thought the house I lived in was. That was an incorrect estimate, so the 24,000 sq ft in Hawaii will be bigger than I'm used to.

-Most hallways will have movie screens as walls. There will constantly be video happening so as you walk down the hallway you will be a part of that scene. Some of the hallways: Underwater extravaganza (fish swimming, etc! Sharks!), a medieval battle scene, a dinner feast, and a food fight (I was 11ish, ok?!?!).

-Hammocks everywhere.

-Indoor swimming pool. Why did I need this if I lived on the beach in Hawaii?

-Me, being intelligent, blueprinted a heated shower outside.

-Spiral staircases (plural, that means more than one)

-Mini Nerf basketball hoops in several locations around the house. I would definitely have the trick shots mastered so that I could impress my guests with my debonair no-look shots.

-Movie theater

-Bowling alley

-Rope swing from second to first floor

-Slamball court.

Right! So get building. But as I've aged realism has set in a bit, and I've come to accept the fact that I will never have a bowling alley in my house. Too bad!

I think this place is SICK! I'd like to live here. And it's in Australia! Great. This awesome (remember, without ME it's just aweso, and that's not liveable) house is able to rent on a nightly basis for only ~2700 a night.

I think that with unlimited funds I would have a guest house that was a tree house. Come visit!

And something like this.

I would like this, and I would like to jump out of the window every morning when I wake up. Then have cappuccinos while reading the daily-post.

Ok, face it. I'll probably live in a castle at some point also. Shoes optional.

How am I possible going to fund all this? Oh, right. I'm really far into the novel right now.

In other news, happy November. Lots of people are contributing to no-shave hooliganism. Here is me after 1 day.

Why??

One Click Worries

2011-10-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

First, a definition for you. One click is the act of purchasing, originally on Amazon.com, where said buyer has the "amazon prime" option, then clicks "buy" and it charges their credit card and sends it to them in 2 days. One-clicking can evolve to other sites and locations with the same basic meaning; that money make the world go round. Cash rules everything around me-

Dolla dolla bill y'all. Anyways, someone in my house has a disorder! What do I do? Lil' Steve has the one-click problem. That little bugger loves purchasing things! I've tried to explain to the guy that student loans aren't free money, but I don't think he gets it. You have to pay those back! When Stevey spends piles of money that are at least 3 times as tall as he is I sometimes get a little jealous. Srsly, check out his purchases.

First, a special diamond necklace, a perfect replica of his own head!

Next he had to bedazzle his weapons.

Then he got an srm

And a van?

He saw that some other extremely wealthy souls buy exotic pets like tigers or sharks. Here is what Steve bought for our house!

That's actually a cat standing next to Steve watching TV

Not to mention 1000 other things.

BUT the whole purpose of this shindig is to not discuss anyones height or spending habits, but to show you what exactly Steve and I have been learning through this whole shopping frenzy.

The internet is crazyyyyyyy. Correct, shopping has taught us the simple fact that the internet is crazy and it's up to us to save ourselves from cardboard asphyxiation. I definitely did not spell that word right the first time. But I did spell Schwarzenegger correct the other day.

Continuing on, the whole purpose of this blog entry was to talk about just how things are being mailed now-a-days. Here is the process.

Steve decides he neeeeeeeeeeeds hand woven paper-towels from Equatorial Guinea.

Amazon.com

Search "pretentious hand wipes"
CLICK BANG BUY

Amazon tracks down said product in their warehouse, gets its measurements.
Amazon takes this, and puts it into a mathematical formula that is something along the lines of:

Size of Goods x 5 + X = Perfect box size

Then, they fill this box with the small thing you actually order, and then stuff several rolls of the little life-vest esq plastic airbubble wraps into it so your paper towels don't get damaged in transit.
2 day shipping begin!

So the real trouble-annoyance here is that when Steve gets approximately 4 packages per 5-day school week, our recycling bin (yes, we save the world) gets filled to the BRIM with stacks of cardboard upon cardboard. So what do I do? Yes, I get my creativity on.

Arts and crafts, crafts and art.

Steve and Matt making use of the stuff I've made

Cardboard clothes, Yep.

Whoa, everyone should check out this camera I made of cardboard and speaking of cameras what about DBCphoto.COM???

This turns into a real problem (or artistic journey?) when the things I buy (erasers, calculators, notebooks, flashcards) get shipped in refrigerator boxes. Study-swag.

More proof the internet is crazy.

Now Listen Up, Here's the Story

2011-10-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

It’s on. This weekend I went on some no-BS bike pedal stomps with David and I set a couple Strava KOMS! Wow! My powertap is broken again, which is unfortunate, so I can only estimate and assume that we averaged 412 watts for the 5 hours we rode. Proof!

I hate that I just talked about power for even the minute (my-noot, duh) purpose of making a joke. I can’t stand it when people spit the power number game and brag about how their 20 minute power is actually 20 watts higher than their most recent test says because that day they had a sore throat and hadn’t gotten a full nine and a half hours of sleep and their kids were up all night with fevers and they wet the bed and they had a rough day at the office and there were only re-runs of Friends on so they couldn’t get properly motivated and the air was improperly oxygenated and they did a really hard workout a couple days before and they’ve had sore ribs for like, eight months.

As the hours on the bike go up, proportionally the excitement I get for the music on my ipod goes down. I love my shuffle, literally have lots of love for it. The kind of love you have for a puppy or Christmas trees. The problem is that previously I wasn’t taking advantage of the full carrying capacity of this AppleGem that IUse, so instead of having 300+ songs on it, I had approximately 94 that I really liked, at one point. But then you can only hear La La La by LMFAO so many times before your head explodes, so recently I set about revamping the playlist that I’ll listen to for the next couple of months.

First- this isn’t new for me to listen to but I can’t NOT have a couple songs by Macklemore on the playlist. Local Seattle music is better than anything else, did you know that? I like listening to Mack when I’m not riding also, but some of his stuff plays nicely in the ears and makes my cerebellum and ear canals and cerebral cortex tingle. Especially the medulla oblongata.

Next, I have a certain respect for the people that just do everything. Have you watched the TV show Community? Or laughed at the jokes on 30 Rock? Introducing Donald Glover- AKA Troy from Community AKA Childish Gambino- the most entertaining rapper ever. Like Lil Wayne, but actually good at rapping. This means he has really strong punchlines, entertaining lyrics, and doesn’t sound like a cat dying! Excellent.

So those are some of the stuff I already listened to and haven’t gotten close to being bored with it yet. But I needed some refreshing fast paced exciting music to ride to. I’ll be honest, I tried to convert myself into a Skrillex believer, but I just needed some more lyrics. Skrillex is great of course, but as an Opera singer myself I need something to wrap my mind around. Since I’m tone deaf, I like words. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I found the holy grail combination for bike riding.

Kidding. There is no Macklemore/Childish Gambino song. That would make my head explode

What happens when you combine Dubstep with NWA? Or with Outkast? Or Dead Prez? You get gold. I’ve discovered the joys of remixed rap songs- the best of both worlds. Instead of average rap beats, you get crazy high paced make my heart rate 168bpm music, with catchy and intelligent rap lyrics like “everyday I’m hustling” and “where da hood at”.

And finally, for Chris Parrish:

Ok, bye

Motorpacing the Bellingham Winters

2011-10-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hellllooo World-

FYI, it's cold in the winter time. Roughly September-June it's frigid way up North in Surrey, BC. Here in Bellingham we get about Mid-October through April of brrr. I have a pretty good living setup, as I live with one other serious bike racer (Steve) and one wannabe Chef (Matt). There is one glaring problem with Steve as a roommate, and that is his unexplainable desire to race cyclocross seriously. To be fair, he has dialed the cross-traveling down a bit this season to help ease the fatigue heading into road training, but he is "still tryna go fast" at the local stuff. This is when I come in.

In the beginning of the road season, I do lots of Moto-work to prepare for races like Redlands where I haven't had many race miles in the legs leading up to it. So my moto-work, with Steve driving the scoot, begins to happen in the beautiful sunshiney days of late March and early April. However, with Steve's silly cross ambitions (not cross dressing) he needs to put in the work right about now-November, which you don't need Steve Pool to tell you that time of year is #freezing.

Let me tell you about how the human body works. When you are exercising, your heart pumps blood through your veins and sends it alllll around. When blood runs inside of you, it gets warm because there is not much ventilation inside the human body. When blood gets warm, it touches your skin and your skin starts to get warm, and as a cooling mechanism, you sweat. See! It's like anatomy class all over again, and I'm pretty certain that I just accurately described what happens in the blood stream. Anyways, when you exercise, you get warm. But when you sit on a scooter driving 30mph in a slight mist in 40 degree weather, you literally begin to freeze like the characters in "The Day After Tomorrow". There is no exercise happening, just cramped up digits getting pulverized by the ALWAYS windy Lummi Reservation loop which means you come home from driving and cannot feel anything except deep sadness inside of your body.

But lets be honest, I'm not going to bow my head in the face of adversity. Here is how I combat the arctic-scoot.

Fantastic, once you get dressed to get going the real fun begins, and that involves starting the scooter.

Curious? Here's what I wear-

SKINS suit top and bottom
Sean Worsech special baselayer
Jeans
Sweats
Wool Socks
Plastic bags on feet
Tshirt
Paper bag for wind protection (helps omgiggles so much)
One jacket
Another sweatshirt
Fleece puffy My Adidas jacket
Black Diamond Gloves
Ipod
Helmet

Here are some other things that sometimes just need to be worn-

HSP Neck gaitor, pulled over face
Bright Yellow Pit Pants WITH suspenders
Matt's size 10 (two sizes to small) rain boots
Long Johns

Now you know! Be a human, be a friend, be just plain ol' nice. And do it for money. Kidding

Bye!

Analyzing Astute Aesthetics

2011-10-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

Apple, aardvark, Arkansas, analytical, abra-cadabra, alimony, anthropology, art, acreage, Alaska, apple. I just lost after 11 words- that's not very good. I read an article about a Savant that could "do calculations to 100 decimal places in his head, and learn a language in a week". Which is pretty crazy, I'd bet that he could come up with at least 14 "A"words before repeating one. Speaking of Savants, did you know that there is an athletic (A-word) type of savant?

Anyways, I brought this up for no reason at all other than to display off memory the types of street-wear that students at Western Washington University are wearing. There are some really interesting styles and decisions being made by my peers, and since I have a 6-8 minute walk in between classes I have been able to astutely analyze. Aesthetically.

Already you might be wondering why this matters. What importance does it have for me? Why would I engage in these observations? It's simple- because I'm a scholar. Someone told me that "the purpose for College isn't necessarily to take specific classes, it's to immerse yourself in many things and become a better human being because of it". So if I show up to Thanksgiving dinner like this, that's why!

A normal day in Bellingham: Cloudy, windy, light rain, dark, and generally dreary out. The walkways of our campus are constructed with beautiful bricks, their color red like... bricks. The same bricks that were placed on top of marsh ground that when rained upon wiggles and shakes like a jello pie fresh from the box. These bricks sink into the ground, some protrude outwards, out of line, and out of place like one lone buck-tooth, desperately trying to grab at the feet of the unassuming student trudging along trying to get to the bus or make it to their next class. These bricks push and seep their way deeper into the marsh below, and on the surface the campus is left with gaping holes in the pathways where the water pools like a T-rex footprint in Jurassic Park. These holes fill with rain water, and as the campus sinks to Atlantis, our brave student population waits in class unaffected by the looming disaster that comes when their class finishes at :00, :30, :40, or :50.

As the metaphorical bell rings, students emerge from classrooms. Here are some descriptions of my favorite Bellingham fashion statements:

The Robinson Crusoe:

This style represents Defoe's story quite well. For those unfamiliar, it's about a well-off man who shipwrecks on a desert island. He has to survive, live off the land, blah-blah. Interesting part- he loses his shoes in the swim to the island and has to live barefoot for awhile.
AKA Western Kids who wear completely normal clothing (I.E Jeans and a shirt), have a rain jacket on, and then top it off by walking around campus barefoot. I don't mean wearing the toe shoes that were made popular by monkeys in the early 1800s, I mean Barefoot as in the scrape your toes on the sidewalk but feel free kind of barefoot.
I just don't understand! It's raining, it's cold, and you're barefoot. Your jeans are soaked because you step in every single one of those puddles to soak your sore feet in cold water and the water works its way up your pant legs, making every step you take inside splash water everywhere.

The Jimmy Buffett

Jimmy Buffett just lives free, man. Face it, the man of sunshine just doesn't care when the WEATHER tries to get him down. Did you know that if you pretend long enough, everything changes to fit your mood? Yeah, it's called schizophrenia.

And yes, WWU has it's fair share of Jimmy Buffett Schizophrenics who still believe that we attend school at USC. WRONG.
Jeans, sandals, bro-tank, highlighter colored plastic Wayfarer sunglasses, and a Beanie (worn on 65 percent of your head). This way is nice because you still stay warm because of the jeans and the beanie, yet you are still Chill (did you get that Joke? Let me explain it. Chill as in cool, NOT chill is in the fact that you are inappropriately dressed therefore chilled and wet) because of the glasses, shirt and shoes.

The Ernest Shackleton

Ah yes, Ernest. The famed Explorer who just loved to get his ship stuck in cold places, namely the Antarctic. However, he did not freeze to death because he was prepared for the situations that he encountered. And students at WWU idolize this man.
The weather is 56 degrees, it is lightly raining, and there is a small breeze of 5-7 mph coming in from the West, blowing across from Orcas Island and Bellingham Bay into the faces of poor students who unknowingly pulled the Jimmy Buffett (see above) out of their closets that morning. But there is a hero, and that is the Ernest.
Rain boots, jeans, shirt, sweatshirt, vest, rain jacket, puffy coat, hat, scarf, umbrella, and gloves- you my friend are prepared for this weather. You are the person who LAUGHS and giggles at your peers as you walk right through the puddles on campus, protected by your impenetrable rubber ducky boots. Laugh at your peers wet feet as you slowly suffer from dehydration due to being incredibly thirstayyyy from the sheer quantity of clothes you are wearing. Laugh at your dry feet and hair as you mop the sweat from your eyes. Smile as you survive yet another blustery Pac NW Fall day.

The WTF?

So many things. So many. And that's what's so grrreat about College- Immersing yourself in many different things and becoming a better person for it.

The Ian Crane

Swag
But really, help. Ever since my parents moved out of my Laundry room I've worn the exact same thing every day. And that my friends is a cry for help. I call it the Jimrobinest Crubuffton and it's not too shabby. I'm really warm, but cool at the same time. Chill.

Awesome fact that has nothing to do with style yet has everything to do with rainy day life on the WWU campus. As I previously explained, the bricks on campus go from flat to rolling drowning trap in no time at all. Because of this, there are three types of walkers.

The rain boots

Hey there! I have boots on, I'm going to walk straight to my next class. I am going to not look down at the ground and walk where my mind and Ipod take me, regardless if it's through that ankle high puddle. Because guess what? My feet are dry.

The dodgers/tiptoers/leapers

Oooooooo oh no! I've improperly prepared for the day, or I simply do not own waterproof waders.

Looks like I have to dance around campus avoiding puddles so to not get my Sperrys wet! This dance is similar to this-

The not giving a ______

Here is definitely my favorite. Regardless of what style they rocked that day, these people are the Motorcycle Gang of the walking community. Completely unconcerned with the dryness of their feet, these people walk as if they are wearing boots... But they're NOT? Hats off to the people who walk right through that puddle as their "friends" leave their sides to dance around. Y'all are the few unfazed by societies so called rules. Respect!

Now you know. Your campus is probably similar! I mean look-

Celebration!

2011-10-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

EVERYONE! Today is my sister's birthday. 10 10 10 10 10 10 is the date on the Mayan calendar, but for my non-Mayan readers it is October 10th. Now, everyone wish her happy birthday. GO!

twitter.com/telacrane

Anyways, I think everyone should know how cool T-Crane is. Most people for their birthdays do something cray cray: luxurious cruises, ride elephants, juggle flaming bowling pins, get crunk with the homies, rave like no other to worn-out cassette tapes of the Backstreet Boys, go to Wild Waves, play laser tag, fly in a hot air balloon, eat cake, pass out on the couch, wake up in a midst of candle smoke and wrapping paper scent, and finally, get free ice cream at Red Robin.

But not Tela. Today, she is doing some crazy difficult fitness testing at the Home Depot Center. She packed up all her stuff, moved to LA, was homeless for awhile, found a home, spends all day at the track lifting weights and riding bikes with one gear, all because she fully committed to a goal. She is trying to get selected to race in the Olympic Games in 2012. Yes, you heard that right. Oh say can you see, everyone watch the F out. How cool is that? How many of you have dropped everything, regardless of the cost, both monetary and emotionally, to follow your deepest dreams? How many people are brave enough to completely change their lives, to zero in on a goal as daunting as the OLYMPIC GAMES?

My friend Dan Harm said something that really strikes home. He said-

"There're certain things you can be doing now you'll never be able to do later. Worrying about the future is a goddamned illusion. This is it".

Everyone should look at their lives. Are you doing what you want to be doing? Have you committed to a passion? Are you actually committed? People like Tela are god-damn inspiring, and I'm incredibly proud of her devotion and dedication to something so difficult. Regardless of the outcome, it is motivating and refreshing to see full commitment and I am happy that my sister is so cool.

Even though keeling over from an effort or drinking recovery drink nauseatingly isn't really your typical birthday, what better way to celebrate than doing exactly what you want to be doing? Trading presents and elephant rides for Pinch-tests and motopacing isn't for everyone, but Tela is living for RIGHT NOW, and I admire that a lot. I hope that everyone has someone to look up to as I do with my sister.

Happy birthday T! Love you!

PS, I didn't get you a present. Sorrrrry

Alternative Activities

2011-10-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

For approximately one and a half days, the offseason is fun. Then suddenly my life feels a whole lot less important. Not that me pedaling a bike around different states is important in the scheme of the world, but as an unemployed "student", racing and training gives me some definite purpose in my day-to-day. Not getting all DebbieDowner here or anything, just noting that this bike racing thing is pretty consuming, and I'm thankfully fully consumed by it. That was a weird sentence- with all the grammar experts I know I get a little self-conscious when I end a word with 'fully and have the next word be fully. And I probably used the dash wrong! I was going to write a sentence that had lots of ending and beginning similarities but all I could think of right now was "awesome some" and there are no sentences possible with that phrase. The interface face faced away. But anyways, the season ends and resting/recharging begins. Then you look for ways to occupy yourself in positive ways other then just laying around in your bed watching Netflix and drinking coffee. Here is my list!

The season ended on September-something, and today is October-something. By my logic, it's been one month of offseason already, and it hasn't seemed that long! This means my methods have been successful.

The first weekend of my break I would rate above a 12 on the 1-10 scale. Marissa, Grant, Jesse and myself decided to go camping in Mazama. Here are two false impressions I had about Mazama: That it is in Montana, and that it is near Leavenworth. Turns out that neither of those are true! I hadn't been camping in quite some time so naturally I went to REI and spent $2600 on a portable shower, gas stoves, insect repellent, and flannel shirts. I made the mistake of shaving (less warmth), but I counteracted that by finding my sleeping bag. Successful start to the weekend!

At one point during the drive I got tasked to being DJ (much to Grant's dismay). Marissa's Ipod was like the Frat Music Throwback station and I was the retro DJ. It's shocking how many songs I know the words to from before 2000. True story- we were driving with the windows down and Jesse and I were demonstrating our knowledge of a certain homicidal song when a Producer from a record company heard us and offered us a deal. It was tempting, but I really wanted to go camping so I theatrically ripped up the contract and threw it into his face. Sorry Dre.

Camping is a story where I am a hero on three different occasions. Hero 1- We arrived in Mazama and it was basically dark. We drove this incredibly bumpy road to get the campsite- So bumpy that I thought we were driving over speedbumps. I held all the spare change in the car- heroic, but that is not part of the list. We arrive at the campsite and set about getting the tent put up. Hero 1 is when I brought TWO flashlights, making it so many people could be helpful during the extreme home makeover. Hero 2- Everyone is hungry, and I pre-made a Pasta Salad. Dinner DONE.

The great thing about camping is complete relaxation. Without clocks you pretty much go to sleep when you're ready for it and wake up whenever that time comes. So in summary, Friday night we were in the tent ready to be asleep by approximately 8:47 pm. Normally I'd guess the time by the location of the sun, but I'm sure you can see the problem here- There were two suns. So we set out to sleep, but then Jesse had a huge realization. Bears. We were safe with all our food and trash, but Jesse remembered the missing ingredient. Bears love Kiwis (the fruit, bears aren't native to New Zealand), and her shampoo was kiwi flavor-scented. Some bears came, and I snapped a picture. Luckily they weren't in the mood for kiwi last weekend.

Saturday we went on a hike, Grant and I played baseball, we sat on a big rock in the river, ate more pasta salad, played a game, went to Winthrop, ate dinner with Bees, had a fire, collected firewood, got lost in the woods, and went to sleep. I know, really interesting. So I'm going to share some deets, mainly about the last three things on that list. We had a fire. Ok thing #2, we didn't have very appropriate wood for this fire, so we had to use lots and lots of mini sticks. Bigger than kindling, but smaller than dura-flame logs or the wood that is for show in electric fireplaces. So there were many trips into the vast wilderness for more sticks. Thing number 3, and also Hero 3. When it was passed being dark, we decided that it would be pretty cool to head back to the river and hang out on the rock and do nerdy things like look at constellations and analyze the crescent of the moon. Since there were so many trees over our campsite, the path formed by the river created the perfect opening in the tree-line for astronomy. We took the trek to the river, followed it to the rock, and hung out there for awhile. Then it was time to return, and turns out that things look different in the dark! We did some wandering. No one knew. We were lost in the woods forever like the Boxcar Children. And then I saw some familiar looking foliage, announced my discovery, and argued my case. Jesse agreed with me first, then Marissa. Grant, being a semi-hero, was in the process of looking for more firewood and was prepared to agree with us no matter what. And guess what? We made it! Survival- take that Bear Grylls.

So that was our camping trip- here are the last couple pictures I snapped out there.

Grant, Jesse, Marissa and I at our campsite.

Picture from our hike

OK, so that was activity one that has occupied me this break. Activity two involved airplanes, bike race spectating, mechanical engineering, and socializing. My mom and I flew down to LA to see Tela race at Elite Track Nationals. I was head mechanic, which meant I was doing all the derailleur adjusting and bike cleaning.

I had pretty grand plans of taking lots of pictures with people I hadn't seen for awhile and posting them on here, but unlike my camping trip, I forgot to take pictures. Here is what I did do-

Used an air compressor to pump tires
Changed wheels and chainrings (LOL "derailleur" adjustment)
Carried wheels and track sack and bags and yeah
Got a shaker cup at an extreme bargain
Slept on the floor at Tela's palace
Threw INCREDIBLY STRONG AND POWERFUL LIKE GLADIATOR MUSCLE MAN for Tela in the Keirin
Sacrificed my health and safety when I got my wrist sliced by the ziptie on Tela's SRM mount while I was holding her for sprint rounds. Ignored the blood and swelling and yeah, survival of the fittest.
Celebrated Tela's Silver medal in the 500m TT!!!!!!
Offered tactical advice. Most of my sprinting advice involved taking them long and using the distance to her advantage. Smartly, she ignored my advice.
Had lunch at Catalina Coffee Company twice. Tela had to get my sandwich for me because I was afraid.

And everyone needs to answer this question. Comment, post on FB, Tweet me, whatever! As long as you answer. I expect as many responses as page views, so don't be shy!

Opinions? If 1 person laps the field in a 60 lap track race, does that person do 61 laps, does the field do 59, or do both do 60?

Please help Ian Moir and I out.

Now the offseason is winding down, and it's back to the work soon. Today, I meet up with an old friend. Who is an asshole.

Season in Review , 2011 , part tres

2011-09-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that all of you got on airplanes and flew to all those top Mexican food joints that I told you about. Shocking! Prefiero que Ud dame un burrito de Longboard Louies. Ahora!

Anyways, it's been pretty nice to reflect back on the season a bit and think about what I've learned as a cyclist. It has been really exciting to learn something at every race I've gone to this year, and I'm looking forward to using some of that knowledge in races to come. However, I am going to choose not to bore you with things I've learned about positioning, nutrition, tactics, recovery, and people-watching. Instead, I'd like to share some things that I STILL have absolutely no idea how to do. I've had lots of chances to figure these out this season, but instead I am still mostly incapable.

FIRST-
I have literally no idea where my handlebars are supposed to go in the Pika Pak. When packing the bike, I have to take the handlebars off of the stem, and have them hanging by the cables and housing. But then where do they go! It takes me way too long to solve the puzzle that is handlebar placement. You'd think that after packing and unpacking my bike 30 times this year I'd recognize where the ONE spot is that the handlebars fit comfortable, but Nay.

NONE of those work! I swear that TSA undid my bars and pulled off my tires for these pictures. WTF, right! Here is the winner, in case you were confused.

SECOND-
Something that I have struggled with all year has been how to operate automatic sinks in airports. I dislike touching sink handles, especially in airports, so it's nice that things are automatic. However, I am apparently too unaware of the location of my hands because I can never get those suckers to turn on when I want them to. No matter how many magic fingers, Kung-fu hands, baseball signs, dance moves, pizza making, massages, clapping, snapping, or pounding I do, I can't make the sinks turn on when I want them to. Usually, the first one I get right away. But thanks to water saving technology, the water shuts off before I even finish soaping up the hands, which leads me hand-dancing trying to re-convince the water to turn back on. How do I do this? Is there some sort of 100-level course that I can take that will make me not look like I am having a seizure in the bathroom everytime that I use the sink?

Seriously though, this is what I look like trying to operate the sinks.

THIRD-
Finally, something that really has gotten me all season is the hydration situation. It's important to keep hydrated when flying, but TSA restricts me from bringing my bomb water (LOL THAT MEANS TWO THINGS LOL) onto the plane. So I have to come to the airport with an empty bottle, and fill it up, like, 20 percent before things start to pour out. How do you fill up a nalgene in a water fountain!?!??!!? Impossible. It's like the game where you have a bucket of water, but it has a huge hole in the bottom of the bucket. Water goes everywhereeee. So I don't know how to do that. And I always go thirsty because most airports are water fountain only. BUT THERE ARE TWO HEROES! Simply on water bottle ease, I really appreciate the Chicago and Philadelphia airports because they have wonderful water bottle fountains. Thank you Baby Geniuses.

This is my sad-face when I try and fill up my water bottle. But it doesn't work :( :(

Solution One! Thank you Philly!

And solution two! Check out my genuine happy-face! Pure joy.

And since you all have read this far.... my favorite race of the year..... was..... a tie..... between

Univest GP (The road race) and Tulsa Tough Day 3 (Cry Baby Hill). And I got dropped at Tulsa!

And FINALLY!

My favorite airport person of 2011.

With a close second being-

Foreign Currency Exchange. Please chuckle now

So that wraps up the 2011 road season in review. I am definitely still going to be posting regularly throughout the off-season, because I don't like doing homework and it is way more fun to write for this then English classes. My next post will be about me not (??) biking for a couple days in the "offseason".

Is it March 2012 yet? Let's race road bikes.

Season Review, part TWO

2011-09-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome back! After re-reading every single one of my blog posts from this season, I'm sure you've realized by now that I've been all over the map. I was thinking I'd put a map up and put pins in everywhere that I've been this year, but then I realized I'd never been to the top two corners of the map to pin it up to the wall. :( :(

So where exactly have I been? Well, since the second weekend of March, I have been from Bellingham to-
March-

Eugene, OR

Agoura Hills, CA

San Dimas, CA

April-

Redlands, CA

Pullman, WA

Walla Walla, WA

May-

Madison, WI

St Louis, MO

June-

Hood River, OR

Tulsa, OK

Milwaukee, WI

Augusta, GA

July-

Delta, CA(nada)

Boise, ID

Bend, OR

August-

Chicago, IL

September-

Souderton, PA

+local races

Typing that out, it's pretty funny to me that I finished it, looked at the list, and everything looked right to me. Didn't looked like I had forgotten anything. I thought back to the season, re-read everything, and it looked like the proper list. Then I realized I had forgotten Augusta, GA. I wonder why? What a place.

Anyways, we are very lucky to have stayed at host houses for all of those trips except for my trip to Collegiate Nationals in Madison, WI, and the trip to Augusta, GA, for the Elite/U23 Nationals. It is absolutely way better to stay in a host house then it is to stay in a hotel. We tell hosts this all the time, and they are shocked! I don't know why, Hotels are loud, dirty, expensive, don't have food, and you don't get to meet anyone new! In a host house, you have most of the time a pantry to raid, a bed to sleep in, coffee in the morning, and new people to meet. You get dogs to play with, TV to watch, and mailboxes to run over.

Without sharing the dirtiest details about what was my favorite host house of the year, and which was my least favorite, I'm going to share a couple highlights.

FAVORITE BED-
This was a pretty tough one, because I had 3 beds that really stood out to me. But the final decision, for favorite bed of 2011, goes to......

BEND, OREGON, for the Cascade Cycling Classic.

This bed was big enough for 3 baby elephants, and since I am only the size of 2, it fit perfect. The sheets were nice, the pillows were comfortable (and there wasn't too many of them), and I was extremely tired of trying to make time cut up mountain passes that I slept great every night.

FAVORITE VIEW-
We have stayed in some pretty remarkable places, but this one was pretty easy. My favorite host house view of 2011 was....

AGOURA HILLS, CALIFORNIA, for team training camp.

Take a look. Nothing more to say.

BEST HOST DOG-

Lily! I've stayed at my mom's house before, so this counts as a host dog, right?

COFFEE/ACTIVITIES-
We spend a lot of time doing bike practice and bike racing, but we definitely have down time at races. That's one of the reasons that I started this blog, was so that I'd have something to do every once in awhile. Bike racing makes us tired, which is where the coffee comes in. Plus, it's delicious. Then activities need to take place to keep us from literally finding the end of the internet. So the duel award for Coffee and Activities goes to.......

PORT WASHINGTON, WISCONSIN, for Tour of America's Dairyland.

They had bottomless coffee, and a pool table! And a weight room! Steve and I played 1 million games of pool. We do feel sort of bad about the quantity of coffee that we consumed, because it was astronomical. But we were sooo tired and it was so easy!

BEST FOOD-
Food is necessary. No matter how much all of us joke about eating (or not eating), we definitely consume lots and lots of it. And it's really nice when a host offers to go grocery shopping for us! But this was above and beyond, when our host emailed us in advance asking what she should get at the grocery store. I didn't really know what to say! So I said fruits, vegetables, and eggs. What we got was incredible. The food winner goes to.....

WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON, for Tour of Walla Walla.

Here was our setup! I ate an entire chicken on the drive home.

The food transitions well into a subject that every cyclist has some form of experience with. And that is Mexican food. We try to get groceries and cook our own food, because it is cheaper and healthier, but often times it is too difficult or we are too hungry to be bothered to cook. So we go out to eat, and 9/10 times the restaurant chose would be a mexican place. Here are all the Mexican food restaurants that I can remember going too, there location, and my review.

Chipotle- Everywhere. 6/10. Consistent
Qdoba- Everywhere!. 6.5/10. Also consistent.
Baja Fresh- Everywhere. 6/10. Sometimes great. Small portions. Not enough for Kennett.
Taqueria Yungapeti- Walla Walla. 9/10. Really good taco-truck food. Cheap! Great
Barberitos- Augusta. 4/10. Not awesome
Monterrey- Augusta- 5/10. Your traditional family mexican restaurant.
Moes- Augusta. 2/10. Waste of money! Cold! And we went there twice, WTF King Lang.
Rubios- Redlands. 7/10. Better then the Chipotle across the street that Parrish went to 11 times. Fresh salsa
Bora Boras- Portland. 9/10. Excellent taco truck burritos
Mexicali- Tulsa. 8/10. HUGE chips, good salsa, decent food.

Mexicali Chips

And finally, the 10/10s. What you've all been waiting for. After a season of bike racing, I'm also convinced that I found the 3 best cheap Mexican food places in the country. Probably the world.

Longboard Louies- Bend. 10/10. The best chain burrito, ever. So many salsas, good meat, ingenious preparation.
Casa Del Ray- San Dimas. 10/10. The sit-down restaurant that we went to twice, because it was unbelievably cheap (almost like stealing), and delicious.

and finally, the ELEVEN out of TEN.

El Guapo- Tulsa. 11/10. Go there. Sit in the rooftop seating, and hope that your server is a little bit drunk. Get served salsa out of a pitcher, and eat delicious chips while deciding which menu item you should consume. Finish it, and wish that you lived on that roof top. Pay a small amount for the level of pleasure that you experienced. Laugh about the fact that the name is Spanish for Handsome, make awkward jokes to Spencer and Kennett about how the restaurant was named after you. Giggle hysterically. Eat more chips and salsa. Roll around in a world of stomach-pain bliss.

YES! Burritos are so good! Go eat. Srsly.

THERE IS MORE COMING!

Come back soon for the 2011 season review part TRES!

2011 Season in Review part 1

2011-09-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

This year marked my first year of being a committed, traveling bike racer-bum. After racing Tour of Utah with the HB Elite team last year, I got a spot on the team for this season. Having never really spent time racing on the road, I wasn't really sure what to expect.

Most of the life of this blog has been about races and all that stuff that follows, but I wanted to do a broad... reflection on the 2011 road season. Hopefully next year I'll maybe definitely probably do this again and I'll be able to graph the similarities and differences.

I feel bad, because all season I've been talking about these... people... but I never really introduced my teammates. I've sorted these in Chronological age order so it's easy to follow.

THE Joe Holmes-

He is in charge. He likes Merlot, Nutella, saying "really", man-dates with Billy, power-sliding rental cars in the caravan, the occasional well-run/properly funded masters race, training on a Cole rear tubular, and finally, THE Ohio St Buckeyes.

King Lang- (Lang Reynolds)

Lang is the father of all of us. He is who we go see when we have issues, be it emotional, mental, or crank-based power inaccuracies. Lang is the source of most Strava related jokes as well as age, head size, and # of veins. Also, I roomed with Lang LOTS and we enjoy sending eachother Twitter hashtags and watching Jersey Shore together.

Kennett-(Kennett Peterson)

This is the author of the only other blog on the internet. And it's much worse then mine, and his stats aren't as impressive. But what he lacks in blog-writing races, he makes up for in Would You Rather humor, food consumption, knowledge of mammals, bike cleaniliness, and muscle definition. If we had to choose one person to A) represent our team in an Arm wrestling contest and B) Wrestle a pig shirtless on TV, it would be Kennett.

Parrish-(Chris Parrish)

The wise, but stunningly hairy member of the team. Parrish is who we call when we need something remembered, and that's not funny because of his crash. Chris is the one to contact when you need an Apple product to do something that something else could do, when you are lost and need to look at a map, and whenever you wish to look at someone wearing Birkenstocks. Chris also takes the brunt of the Gluten Free jokes (from Lang, who was secretly GF). Chris also carried the weight of the team every time the road went uphill, which was probably pretty difficult racing uphills with roughly 1000 lbs on your back (not including Kennett).

Dan-(Dan Bechtold)

Professor Dan-Land. The time-trial engine of the team, Dan has been known to literally ride himself into a screaming jump off the bike hysteric state. If you ever need to count fish, Dan's your guy! Dan is an elusive beast, and sometimes just... disappears. Dan-Land! Creator of such genius ideas as "mini yetis! You know, you just keep it in your pocket, and then you bring it out and fight your friends mini-yetis or mini-gorillas! Way cooler then having pogs in your pocket". Dan enjoys hunting, sleeping in the wilderness, taming Moose, drumsticks, Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons, and possibly solving Cancer at some point in the future. He also tried to put on weight by eating a GARDENBURGER!

Colin-(Colin Gibson)

Oooooh Colin the rebellious youth of our team. Colin got the call for Mt Hood and has been chomping at the bit since. Recognizable by his Mohawk and 6'8" figure, Colin has unbelievable straight line speed. But that's not all! Colin and I sat on a bed and watched about 12 episodes straight of Arrested Development once. What else do I need to say?

Winger-(Christopher Wingfield)

Christopher Wingfield has an eye. Turns people as ugly as .... Into gems when he photographs them, and then pokes fun at Alan Adams also! Winger is just great because he has an adorable Grandmother, a cool car, and because of him , Ivy made me a breakfast sandwich once. Thanks Ivy! Winger is fond of Canadian accents, Canadian culture, American Food, and the Boston Bruins. Winger brings pure joy to the team.

Gabe-(Gabe Varela)

The newest addition to the team. He actually gained 20 watts when he stopped wearing so much purple, and used those to promptly rip our legs off at any chance he got. A smooth criminal, Gabe looks ready to rumble at all times, regardless of the holes in his borrowed clothing. And he is one calmmmmm customer, just look at that photo! So calming.

Spencer-(Spencer Smitheman)

The original Canadian. Spencer knows his way around a tub of styling gel. Spencer taught me about Crit-sharking, Convoy Pace, Food, Feeling bad about food, feeling really good about food, and how to form really funny sentences out of rando words. Also of note, he looks like Chris Froome. Spencer appreciates Deep massages, Stumble-Upon, and beverages from Gas Stations.

ME!-

Hey there handsome!

Cody-(Cody Campbell)

The OTHER Canadian, this canuck is sure to impress on a night out on the town. Whether it's his charming dialect or cute beaver-pelt trading traditions, Cody is going to melt your heart. Besides token Canadian survival things, Cody really likes fashionable coffee machines, not having the plague, Paris-Roubaix, Lance Armstrong / Steve Bauer, Canada Day, and Vancouver (WA).

Lil' Steve-(Steve Fisher)

Someone has to be the shortest person on the team. And it's Steve! Standing at a remarkable 5'1" ( or so), Lang stands next to Steve when he needs to feel good of himself. The good thing about Steve is that he knows that he is short! So he also jokes. I roomed with Steve most out of anyone, and since I also live with him at school, I know his favorite things. Steve likes the color pink, the Kidz Bop CDs, and cut-off jean shorts. Looking at Steve, you'd never think that his favorite music is Nicki Minaj and that he knows every single line to High School Musical. However, I will sacrifice the draft and follow Steve around a bike race because he's a crafty son-of-a-gun.

Logan- (Logan Owen)

To Logan, the United States of America consists of about 4 States. These States are Bremerton, Joe's House, the State that Bike Races are, and finally, Milwaukee. It's been a refreshing year teaching Logan about how to be a human. Logan's favorite foods are Hummus, Gyros, and Kraft Mac&Cheese. Logan also loves to eat 1 Hammer bar in a 4 hour race. The best part about Logan is what he has taught me, and that is how to talk to girls! And since Logan got his ears pierced, I no longer felt the pressure to do it. Logan is ONLY 16, and it's going to be exciting to see how he develops as a cyclist over the next couple of years.

If you'd like to go back and read every single one of my blog posts again now that you're familiar with the characters, please do that now....

And stay tuned for part 2!

Doylestown Crit, Univest GP

2011-09-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Well the race season is OVER. Which sucks, because that means March-September summer vacation is over and it's back to the real world. I am really happy with this race weekend and was really stoked to pull out a result in Sunday's crit. This was a pretty motivational way to end the season!

After Saturday's Univest GP, I was pretty tired. In fact, Cody and I sat in the same room and did the equivalent of staring at a wall for I believe roughly 78 minutes. We found Dan-Land and then went to the Mayor's house for a party. Believe it, the Hagens Berman Domestic Elite Cycling Team invited over to the Mayor's house for a social gathering. 6 socially-awkward cyclists who just did a 100 mile race and were all sleepy. Ok the secret to this story is that Kennett, Chris, and Gabe's host parents were actually the Mayor and his wife. If I lived in Souderton, PA, I'd definitely vote for him.

And it wasn't just a small gathering, there were at least 45 people there, so we just sat on the couch and made small conversation about politics and the weather. John Eustice, the promotor of the race weekend, was at this event for awhile. We talked to him briefly and he wanted us to be sure that we knew that Sunday's crit was a real bike race, and not some Post-Tour celebratory parade "race". Well we couldn't let him down could we?

I'm not really sure what food I ate to be honest. I was hungry and there were snacks on snacks. I'm talking all the way to the back, no front stackin. I probably had some chicken, and some Vitamin Water, some cheeses and salads and chips and fruit and Reeses Pieces and some Chili and.... Not sure what else. We left and I tried to figure out what I had ACTUALLY eaten, because I didn't think I ate that much. But I was full, probably from looking at the food all night. So then I went back to our farm house and imagined myself eating some more food until I felt full again.

I got the joy of driving the van to the crit in Doylestown. This was quite exciting because we freestyled the directions, and got there successfully! First we had to drive on roads that made Dan-Land question "why don't they build roads between places?". Then Chris told me to take the NEXT LEFT no matter what, which I did, which led us into a Walmart parking lot. The silly circumstantial consequence of this is that the parking lot was harder to get out of then Dan trying to fit his bike box into a small circle shaped location. But we got there, and got G'd up and ready to go.

The field was a bit smaller then Saturday's race, with a couple teams heading home after chasing their NRC points. The course was in a cool area in downtown Doylestown that had a pretty big Art-walk-show-tables-with-art- and-crafts in the same area so there were bike race fans in attendance, as well as fans of beading and crocheting.

The course was 1.5 mile lap on a side hill, with ~8 corners. We were to do 36 laps. The first 1/2 of the course was a screaming downhill, then you gradually went up the last couple of corners, leading into a pretty uncomfortable 300m uphill finish section. The finish reminded me a lot of Collegiate Nats this season. The course seemed pretty hard during pre-ride.

I signed one autograph before racing, dodged some liquid coming from Kennett's general direction (I'm pretty sure that it was water from his bottle, but with Kennett you can never be too careful), and spent some time scheming. Since the race was 50 miles, on a difficult course, I was expecting about a 2 hour crit. Which is really long! We ended up finishing in 1 hour and 53 minutes, which was the fastest finishing time in the history of the event.

The race started and I felt TERRIBLE! Almost as if I had done a wacky race the day before. For the first hour of the race, I was in the equivalent of Dan-Land. Didn't eat anything, and didn't touch my bottles. I wonder why my legs felt so bad??? After such a brutal effort the day before, and pretty poor nutrition the night before, I definitely should've been eating way more calories during the race then I normally do, and of course should've been eating more then, nothing.... So at about the hour point I started to piece together the root of my problems and drank my entire Coke bottle in 2 sips and pounded the one gel I brought with me. I think if I could've done things differently, I would've ate at least 3 gels during the race. And surprise! I started to feel better, almost instantly. And then a miracle happened! People crashed infront of me, and I was able to successfully not crush the guys head I was going for, and stay off the ground. I took a free lap, took a few deep breaths, and got thrown in about mid pack.

While I practiced Logan Owen nutrition tactics, a 4 guy breakaway had gotten up the road and gotten a significant lead. I had been hearing our team name announced nearly every lap by Dave Towle with statements such as "Hagens Berman is HUNGRY today" or "Hagens Berman is riding like they have something to prove" etc, etc etc. Gabe was being a bike racing thug, all the guys were being attentive, and I had done nothing so far. Not cool! I started to move up and noticed that Gabe was being very active in the chase efforts of the breakaway. I worked my way to the front, just as Gabe was taking a massive pull. With 12 laps to go, I counter-attacked his pull as hard as I could, took two corners, and went into chase mode. I got 1/2 way across the gap and started to fade, just as Tom Zirbel from Jamis counter-attacked me up the finish stretch. I dug as deep as I could to stay with the group as Zirbel single handily pulled us up to the breakaway. 8 of us made the bridge to the 4 leaders, and now I was in the 12 man leading breakaway!

Here is a video of the break with 5 laps to go.

(I'm the 8th guy to roll through)

There were 3 guys from Kelly Benefits, 3 guys from Jamis, and a handful of other guys. Because of the numbers from those teams, I was able to just rotate through and let them do most of the work. Our gap ballooned up to 45 seconds. With 2 laps to go a rider from Jamis attacked and Jesse Anthony from KBS bridged up to him. They would end up sprinting for the win, leaving the rest of us to sprint for 3rd and the final podium spot. At the end of the day, I got beat in the sprint for third place and ended up with fourth. I really like this type of finish, where it is not quite a pure sprinters sprint because of the hill. I was bummed to miss out on the podium, but quite pleased to get 4th place!

I have never been in a position to win a race of this caliber before. And I thought that crowds at local races could be loud cheering for a winning breakaway. But I cannot explain the energy that the crowd had coming up the finish hill the last couple laps of the race. To call it "deafening" doesn't really seem right, because when you are focused on the race everything else is background noise. It's hard to explain, but the crowd on Sunday was so loud that it felt quiet. If I had hair on my arms, it would've been standing up.

I was really glad to be able to deliver with a decent result after all the hard work that the guys, especially Gabe, had been doing earlier in the race. Now to figure out how to not let Jesse Anthony just ride away from me!

Trying to catch up

Univest

2011-09-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going to share some exciting things first to convince you to read the whole saga. Exciting moment one, I hip-checked a pickup truck at 25 mph. Exciting moment # 2, I had good sensations in the leg region. Exciting moment tres- the fireworks from the Jeep Show finally stopped. THANK GOODNESS.

But first!

The eating has happened, and we've enjoyed it. Besides the farm grown Kale and Chard that was part of dinner last night, we've had the chance to try some Amish food. What type of Amish food? I know you're dying to know. Apparently people here eat things called Funny Cakes and Shoo-fly pies. And fortunately (or maybe unfortunately?) we've been able to sample these goodies. I am way more of a fan of the the Shoo-fly, which is kind of like a coffee cake. Sort of. Actually it's nothing like a coffee cake. Funny Cakes are so hilllarrriooous because they have chocolate in them. At the bottom. But when they are made, the chocolate is on top! And when it's baked, the chocolate sinks to the bottom as the dough rises around it. Chuckle chuckle!

Shoo-fly, Funny Cake, Dummy Cake

Since Kennett already beat me in the blog writing race, I've been taking my time to get this written. I just had a bowl of cereal! And plus, I beat Kennett in the bike racing race today so SNAP!

Ok, bike racing.

Univest GP is one of the few one-day classic type races in the States. It's 100 miles long and has lots of short steep hills. We did 17 laps- 12 on the "long" loop and 5 on the shorter loop. The only thing that was different was that the long loop had like 4k of extra flat between the climbs. So the short loop made the climbs closer together, therefore making more pain appear in your legs.

EXCITING MOMENT NUMBER 1!!!!!! (Thanks for reading this far)

A little less then 1 lap into the race, we are ripping through town on these downhill corners. I had moved myself into the top ten as we were descending into a 90deg right hander. I thought that we were going ~35 but it was probably more like 34.8. We take the right hander and as we move to the apex of the vertex of the midway point of the corner, and just as I'm starting to drift towards the left side of the road, there was a parked car! OOPS! Surprise! So I grabbed a whole handful and then some of brakes and started the power sliding process. SMACK and ran into the truck with my hip and thigh. Then I bounced directly back into my line, my rear wheel skipped like if had just thrown some flat rocks into water and straightened it out and kept on riding. I felt like a hockey player that just survived a huge hit- maybe a lil woozie on their feet but I'm still standing!

Then I flatted my rear! My theory was that I power slid through the tire and popped the tube, but after scientific process I've determined that was not the case. Anyways, so far in the race I have ran into a car, flatted, and now am OTB! Sikkkk Whattttttt. Oh, and we have only been racing for like, uh 12 minutes. Not awesome. Luckily Joe was in the caravan with a Dodge Charger, which is perfect for illegally drafting my way back to the bike race. It took 60percent of a lap to get back into the race, but what was really fun about this scenario is that Joe was going equal speeds as I could go through these downhill corners. Which was so fast that he bottomed out the car twice, I heard metal scraping on several occasions, and tires squealed through 3 consecutive corners. Tokyo Drift! I was trying to not use very much energy, so I made sure to draft nice and close. So close that I ran into the bumper, 2x. Turns out there is no roller on cars. Sorry Dollar Rental!

This picture is a combination of me hitting the car side-on and me running into the bumper. But this is not a picture of either of those because Winger wasn't there with his camera.

Is it even a question whose bike this is? Look at the handlebar tape

Exciting part #2- Good Sensations.

It's been really nice to get a big block of training in during the end of August and beginning of September. I have been feeling really strong in training so I was hoping it would translate to good legs in a bike-cycle race. And it did! Today was definitely the strongest that I've felt all year. It's bittersweet, because this is also the last race weekend of the season. Hmmm, gonna crush some training rides pretty soon!

Anyways, I tried to stay near the front on all the climbs. I was worried that there would be a field split, and if there was, I wanted to be in it! By the end of the race, our 160+ rider field and turned into a front group of 41. I ended up 17th on the day. Turns out the downhill into uphill finish wasn't as exciting as I was hoping yesterday, and actually made it pretty hectic. Jostling for position at 50 mph is difficult! Of importance is that my jaw is really sore tonight. I must've been chomping down pretty hard on those climbs. Which means I was nose breathing....? Holla.

The team raced great. Kennett, Gabe, and myself made the front split, and team GC was determined by your first three guys. So we got fourth in Team GC! Which is a pretty good result for us at a race like this I think. Gabe also got 2nd in the KOM competition, which means just about nothing as far as prizes or rewards or ribbons go but it shows that he was there and crushing fools.

Props to Dan and Chris from coming back from their injuries and bringin the heat again. And since Parrish is back at it, I figured no one should forget this adorable photo from Utah last year.

And exciting moment Tres! The picture of the inflatable Jeep I put up yesterday was the welcoming symbol for the Jeep Show about .5 miles from our house. It's really exciting, about 100 people with stock jeeps and 4 people with cool jeeps parked their cars in a big field and walked around looking at them. Then they had a huge firework show that we couldn't see, only hear. And it was loud and sounded like a war-zone. Then it stopped, and life got so much better.

Ok, I'm going to go sleep like a child, then do a crit tomorrow!

Living Hope Farm Homestay

2011-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

We are staying in Harleysville, PA, for the Univest GP. The race itself is in Souderton, which is ~5 miles from here. But our host housing is really cool.

Cody's and My room

Today we rode to the course and did a couple laps. Kennett dropped me on the downhill, Gabe attacked me on the uphill, and Parrish threw a water bottle at Dan.

Chris got new gloves! Handerwear

The course is pretty cool, it's kind of a mixture of the Road Race from San Dimas, the Sunset Loop from Redlands, and the Tour De Delta road race. So combine all of those into a Venn Diagram and what you have in the middle is the Univest GP, with the main features being: Laps in neighborhoods, short steep hills, and positioning being crucial.

My favorite part during the pre ride (we'll see if I like it tomorrow...) was the approach to the finish line. You go up the KOM hill, which is about a 1K climb above 10%. Then there are two 90deg corners and you head back down the hill towards the finish line. The finish is shaped like a V- Straight for 1k, but you bomb down the hill into a steep uphill sprint. Awesome.

Picture of the Finish stretch in a Coffee Shop that we stopped at

The house we are staying at is a community farm. (http://www.livinghopefarm.org/). It is all non-profit, and people come and do work and get produce. We looked around, and I took lots of photos. So yeah, here's where we are, and we get to race bikes tomorrow!

Sorting Squashes

Onions and Garlic hanging from the roof of the barn

Where people come and get their weekly produce

Tonight our hosts are cooking us Kale, Chard, Squash, and Turkey. All the vegetables are from the garden. Probably picked today. FANTASTIC!

And finally, to harness the energy of a sign I saw today while riding.

I am feeling pretty muscular......

And... Still Awkward!

2011-09-15T15:46:00.000-07:00

Whoa, traveling to bike races happens, and then all of a sudden I have many things to talk about. But once again, awkward runs ish in the traveling world, and people are weird. Me too! But basically after my first flight in about a month, I've realized that unlike the last awkward situations I presented you, there are some that cannot be disabled.

This whole experience started last night, when Cody came to stay with us. He maybe showed up a bit late, but it's not his fault. I mean, he came from Canada! It's pretty simple actually. What happened was when he was roping up his sled dogs, one got away. Then he had to lace up his snowshoes to go catch Nanook (the dog). Once he had that Lil' Bugger roped in with the rest, he packed his rations for the trip and began. He showed me his journal and on the trip he saw 1 moose, 3 wolves, and 47 beavers! He tried to give me a beaver pelt in exchange for staying at our house, but I refused. So he went to the trading post and bartered with a Gypsy for 1 pinch of Salt, flint, and 2 fleece lined Moccasins.

Our flight was at 6 AM. Which is great! Because that means that since I am physically incapable of sleeping on planes, I get to drowsily have more hours in my day then most people normally do!

Cody was tired also

I took advantage of it by sitting in the middle seat and listening to hip music and learning about trendy things in the sky mall catalogue.

We got to the airport super early, as in 4:50, and check in was a breeze. Then we spent 40 minutes in the security line. Both Cody and I got our backpacks searched for the same reason. Oatmeal! I cooked up a big ol' batch of Lang Reynolds special oats and fruit and delicious, threw it in some tupperware, and off we went. In case any of you were worried, I did not put a bomb inside of my oatmeal.

5:45 AM and we are just putting belts and shoes back on at security. We make our way to the gate as they are announcing "Passengers Cody Campbell and Ian Crane". But get this, even though we were running quite late and had our names called out, we still boarded the plane exactly when we were supposed to as per Southwest Airlines boarding procedures. Which means that we timed it PERFECTLY!!!!! No waiting at the gate, but not missing our boarding time, and just a fun-filled way to start the day. Take that Steve!

Anyways, no one cares about that. Really the awkwardness is why you've even read this far, because you are a creature. Srsly, I was telling a great story about my morning and you're hoping for some awkwardness, much like when an older (old) woman told me I had "realllly nice legs". Awkwarddd.

I present..... Airplane-Awk

Situation 1-

There were no aisle or window seats left. As I walked further and further into the plane, I was lasered in on what I though was the LAST window seat. I'd rather have an aisle, but windows are acceptable. So I walk 20 of 25 rows and there is a small child sitting in the window. Shot through the heart.

Now I'm left with 5 rows, or 10 middle seats to choose from. Out of those ~6 are taken. Had I been scheming on middle seat as I walked down the rows, I would've been looking for something really specific. A Chinese-Gymnast in the aisle, and a person in the window seat who looked like they just swallowed down a bunch of Tylenol PM with a bottle of Nyquil. Sleeepyyyy. That is the optimal situation, but I had gambled on the window, and came up empty- sort of like Shaq Oneals rap career

I had to choose quickly, because I have airplane etiquette. I'm not going to stand in the middle of the aisle looking at the seats as if I'm stuck on stage two of a treasure hunt, just staring at the map. So I went with instinct, my choices were: Mother with child (bad), Overweight x2 (worse), Someone taller then me (not great), and two guys, 1 in Business wear and 1 asleep on the window. So I took that option..........................

And here comes the awk.

When I have to get in the middle seat, or have to get out of the middle seat, I am not the previously mentioned Chinese Gymnast and I am NOT David Belle. Which means please stand up so I can get to my seat. The can't be bothered to undo my seatbelt or put my book down look doesn't work. I have no, and I mean absolutely ZERO desire to crawl over you to get to my seat. This is not 1dollar dance night at the Spearmint Rhino and my name isn't Summer, Destiny, or Chastity (If that is your name, sorry that your parents named you stereotypical stripper names). So lets face it, get up out of your seat and let me in. When I politely ask if you can stand up, please do it. Otherwise I'm going to awkwardly stand there until you stand up!

AWK TWO!

Same person now is my buddy. Which is fine- by me having headphones in I wasn't suggesting anything, I just had cold eardrums. Awk 2 is forced airplane conversation with someone who you are already a little annoyed with, on a topic that you can not relate to AT ALL! This hombre was reading a book about magic. I don't mean the cool type of magic: The David Blaine, shock your socks off, freeze yourself solid, talk really creepy, throw cards through glass, and charm Tyra Banks type of magic

Nope. Offender #1 was talking about magical forests filled with Wizards and little fairies and goblins and old men wearing tall pointed hats with stars on them. Don't get me wrong, it really doesn't matter to me what someone else is interested in. I am not saying that the topic was Awkward or weird, but simply the medium. I have no idea how to even politely interact with this person! I guess I could've said something along the lines of "my favorite cereal is Cookie Crisp....." but I did not. So yeah, AWK.

Solution? Narcolepsy AGAIN!

Love,
Ian

Side Note: I think that it's hilarious when Old people try and dress Fratty

Awkward Disabler

2011-09-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

BUT FIRST

I'm sorry :( :( :(

Anyways, the past couple days I've realized that there are some situations that wouldn't normally have any awkward feelings, but human nature creates that awk-vibe. ALWAYS! These situations are pretty normal things, but I've noticed that there is an instinctual desire to feed upon these moments and turn them into something much, much more. Similar to adding water to a Chia-Pet, we choose to nurture these moments, and the awkwardness growwwwsss.

So what are these moments you ask?

MOMENT 1-

This moment catches you in a unprotected environment. What I mean by this is that when you step out of that port-a-potty, you have your guard down. Then it happens. Whoever is next in line feels the need to chat-chat-chat it up, if only briefly. Usually some form of holding the door open interaction occurs, followed by statements like.........

"Warmed it up for you"

"Now I'm ready to race!"

"Hey hey hey hey!"

"Um... sup"

and my favorite

"Ooohh look, it's YOU"

MOMENT 2-

I had to go to the dentist this week. What I mean by "had to go" is that I am so lucky and so grateful to be privileged enough to have Dental Insurance that I take time out of my day to go get tortured like if it was the 9th sequel to the Saw movie franchise. OK so I hate the dentist actually. Especially because they often say such things as "Oh yes, your teeth and gums are really healthy and well taken care of. But we're gonna go crazyyyyy anyways". Whatever, this is not awkward. Yet. First of all, why when you go to the dentist do they give you sunglasses that look like something that Billy Idol would wear to a rave in a highlighter factory? Next, where in the world are you supposed to look? Because pretty much every time you try and look somewhere else, the Hygienist yanks your head in their direction like they are trying to get a kiss on prom night. Then, those little binocular safety goggles that they wear amplify their eyes, so the Hygienist looks like the acorn searching creature from the movie Ice Age.

But none of this is the awkward part. Please tell me why when you have 3 fingers, 1 mirror, 1 scraper, 1 water sprayer, and 1 water sucker in my mouth it is a good time to ask me about how I like my school? First of all, I still have 3 weeks of summer, so shawty please. Secondly, should I re-list the instrumentation that I have up in my grill? Anyways, since I am a polite human I try to respond, and then you get the typical response- "Please, stop trying to talk and keep your mouth open". AWK

All you dreamers out there must be wondering why I've only talked about the awkward moments, when I titled this post Awkward DISabler. I've learned how to evade, ignore, somewhat-appreciate, and deal with these two specific moments. And I'm going to share with you. You're welcome.

DISABLE!

First, the portable-toilet fiasco. The somewhat-appreciate part comes with the fact that it's just plain old funny to me... Next, evade and ignore. This is 100percent in the hands of whoever is waiting inline. This could be you, or contestant number 2, whatever. DO NOT DO THIS

This is NOT a line for an Oprah Winfrey book signing. Listen up: First, you ARE going to get hit in the face by the door when it opens. Lets be honest, there is no room in those little capsule-coffins to have a door rotate inwards, so its gotta roll out. This is like CPR on a beach- 1 person doing the CPR and 27 people standing around watching, hoping to recreate an Episode of CSI in real life. (Get off your couch). Give some room people! So as the person in line, I've found the best way to evade/ignore is to either A) Form the line on the SIDE of the porta potty, away from the general direction of leaving, or B) Stand far away and pretend to be picking daisys, digging a hole, watching racing, whatever. Just do not "text" on your phone, that is way to obvious. Everyone knows that you don't have anyone to text at that exact time.

So there is the appreciating, evading, and ignoring. But what happens when you are forced into having to DEAL with this situation in the flesh? In order to take this awkward situation and turn it around, when you exit that port-a-potty.... Well here is the script. Memorize this, Oscar it.

-Ooohh look, it's........

then FALL OVER and pretend to be asleep.

Awkward over. If you sell it right, the person will just think you're asleep. First they'll say something like "har har har good one" but then you do NOTHING. This is the most important part. Do not laugh, do not fake snore, nothing. Simply lay face down in the grass until they say something like "wow you're cray cray homes" and enter the portable toilet. This is your chance. Wake up like its xmas morning and book it back to wherever you belong.

In the strange situation that this doesn't work, as in for some reason Person 1 does not believe that you have Narcolepsy. There is only 1 back up plan. And that is to start barking like a dog.

You're welcome for permanently stopping Port-a-potty awkwardness.

Luckily Dentist-awkward is way easier to solve and it involves much less steps.

Appreciate- Hey, you're getting your teeth cleaned, decreasing your risk of gum disease, and someone else is flossing FOR you. Smile! Roll with it- Think of answers to the questions they are asking you, and when the tools are out of your mouth, politely respond! Ex- "Thank you so much for asking! I love school, and I look forward to starting up with classes again soon. No! I don't know my major. I just like so many different things that I just can't decide!"

Evade/Ignore- This is also pretty simple. Pick a spot on the wall, and stare at it. Solve complicated math problems in your head (2x=4 , etc), write song lyrics, and pretend to be deaf. Maybe. Just grunt, follow instructions, and get in and out of there sans-awkward.

Deal- Most Hygienists will pick up on the steps and ask less questions. But every once in awhile, you get a Hygienist who just looooves the interactions. Here is how you solve the problem. Every single question (EVERY SINGLE ONE) you have to respond the exact same way. I don't mean with words either, that doesn't work because then you get yelled at for answering. Every single time a question is asked, you have to train yourself to instinctively bite down like you're sampling finger food (LOL) at a fun get-together. Prettttttyyy soon the questions will stop.

OK Nastayyy. In the Dentist-Awk situation I really think that Appreciate has got to be the best tactic. Try it. Maybe. Then you get lots of free stuff afterwards.

If I taught Pre-School, this would be my first lesson.

Think outside the box!

OK Fine, Here's How to Get a Hold of Me

2011-09-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

WOW. Turns out when you don't go places every other day, writing stuff about your life just isn't as exciting. I mean, I could type up long narratives about how the other day I ALMOST did something productive, but that would be a lie. I've been keeping super busy, with a ratio of Bike Rides : Attempted Naps almosssttttt 1:1. Holla!

Anyways, I've been thinking of ways to make me significantly faster for Univest GP, coming up two weeks from today.

The first is stealing Alan S's wheels. I borrowed these wheels for Seward Park crit (a heartbreaking drama about the race that I almosstttt won, unbloggable). Long story (not actually), but they were siiikkk-whatttt and I plan on breaking into his house to get them before I leave.
Second way to get fast is a two-part intimidation makeover. Wait no, three parts.

Part 1- Hair Cut. Colin got a haircut before Cascade, listened to Skrillex, and then won the S out of that S. So my plan is to do the same, except I can't copy the guy, so I'll reverse it.

Here is what Colin is working with


And I was thinking of something along these lines for myself.

Part 2- I NEED to have really intimidating muscles at the start line of Univest. Usually there are some crazy big foreigners with names such as Yuri Metlushenko or Volodymyr Starchyk who flex their way to the front of the pack. In order for me to achieve that same social-status, I bought this off a late night TV show ad-

Part 3- Not that exciting, but I cleaned my shoes. Now they are back to being white, which literally EVERYONE knows makes you 12 watts faster.

So during the Coma of this page, I raced track, Seward Park and Carnation, and didn't write about any of it.

Got to race maddy-son with Benny

But I feel bad, because I know that people are trying to keep up with my antics. And lets face it, 4 posts in all of August is really disgusting. How do I know that the people are trying to read my site!?!?! EASY. Blogger gives me the opportunity to track how people come across my site through google, and these little hints have proven to me that, well I'll just let you see what they prove.

First, I'm happy to say that my site has gotten hits from people who are looking into some of my associates. Just making sure that I'm spending time with the right type of people.

If the Ab-Hancer didn't give it away, I'm always looking for ways to psych out my competition. That's why I am SO excited about this search keyword. I can't believe that after my years of walking around, pretending to be a MMA fighter, I finally have some validation.

14 times!

Something else that I am really thrilled about is how my readers are intelligent. It really makes me feel good of myself that intellectuals- people who strive to better themselves, believe that my blog is of worthy reading. I can only hope to continue to nourish the minds of the intelligence seekers.

Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?

Speaking of intelligence, a really smart person told me recently that a gorilla is NOT a monkey. I don't know if I agree with that, and I think with the number of gorilla related searches I can basically be considered an expert. First, going along with the Tapout theme, who wouldn't want to see a gorilla fight a man? That's true Guerrilla warfare. I do understand how this led to my site. I'll just let you guys figure out who I am in the Gorilla vs Man cage fight.

Now, these are both pretty interesting. Keeping with the primate theme. I'm not too sure why Gorilla man ended up here, because that should've been directed here. But a gorilla party? That sounds Bananas!

Bike racing is hard. I understand. School, jobs, girls, shaving your arms, buying gas, christmas presents, cooking. These are all really stressful things. But I have this outlet here where I can write pretty much anything that I want, regardless of how far-fetched it is. I can see where this next one came from-

Finally, I'm glad that there is at least one person out there who likes to make jokes in google searches. I'm guessing that this person accidentally hit enter before they typed in the NOT at the end

And how is this for being specific??

That's all the fun ones for now. It's September, there is traveling and racing coming up, so I will be posting more. Maybe People of the Airport part two?

Come along for the ride!

PS- Thanks to my out of town readers!

Things I Like

2011-08-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

First of all, things I don't like- Not posting in a while. I mean, it hasn't been as long as a Lang Reynolds or a Adrian Hegyvary, or especially even a Steve Fisher. But regardless, I haven't posted in awhile, which means that Kennett probably will get more blog hits then me this month (notice how I didn't link to his page...). So where have I been? After Elk Grove, I got on a plane and was able to take a nice mid-season break.

But not there. Flew back to Seattle, and RESTED! I took many-a-days off the bike to recharge for a final kick in 2011. Our last traveling race for the year is September 17/18th- The Univest GP. So this last couple of weeks and the weeks to come are a unique opportunity to actually get some training in during the season, instead of just racing and recovering. But somewhat related, and still pretty unrelated to that, I give you some things that I just can't get enough of right now-

Track Racing-
Who knew races of such short distance and ~0 total elevation gain could be so hard? At one point, I considered myself a track racer- Heck, a track SPRINTER even! Now, since today I did 30 minute intervals instead of 10 second intervals, I'm pretttttty afraid of having to make a sprint on the track. But track has been too much fun, and since I normally I don't race on the track more then 4 times a year, I've been taking advantages of track race day! Highlights include getting into breakaways and doing Sibling madison with Tela.

Life-Lessons from "Working"-
I have a pretty cool job, mostly because at times it reminds me of my Grandpa's show "Kids Say the Darndest things". Because Bill Cosby is my G-pa. I'm such a kid saying darndest thangs right now. Anyways, I often hear some pretty fantastic statements regarding either track riding, or LIFE, and I try and really let that guide me through moments of insecurity. Here are some examples-

- How are ties broken? "The last person that finishes first".

- In reference to spinning water around in a bucket "a kid I know did that with a hamster once".
- "Is the track a CHEF because it has an APRON????"
- "THIS BUILDING SMELLS LIKE VACATION"
- "Everyone knows my least favorite thing. Tomatoes"
- "This is the worst thing that I'm best at"
- "I learned in a science fair that some things are awesome and some are not awesome. And it's a SECRET"

Elk Grove Recap

2011-08-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to take a shower on Sunday, so luckily the weather played along. But first, I had to start in the bright sunshine. After Saturdays 27 corners per lap for 96 miles, Sundays course was the Time trial! Times 15! Another race with lots of corners, including 2 U turns. Which was great if you could corner. With 4 laps to go, it got really dark, then cold. 3 laps to go the wind started picking up, and 2.5 laps to go the skies opened up. Luckily, it was pretty easy to find photos from the race.

First, we have a photo of the Doppler radar from Sunday in Elk Grove, Illinois. Weather experts should know that Red and Orange signify "Heavy Rain" and "Very Heavy Rain".

Next, I found a picture of us just riding soft tempo in the group once the rain really started. Keep in mind that when I say it was raining, I really mean it was raining.

Then people still were pedaling reallllly fast (cough cough Adrian)

More then 1 guy back, everyone was having this experience! We were the ones on the right of the picture-

The problem with this is visibility becomes pretty slim. I tried to take a picture while racing, this is all I could get-

We all finished just slightly off the front group of ~35. Lang moved up 2 spots and finished in 19th on GC. Also of note: Steve, Gabe, and Lang get embarrassed in the sprint for 40th.

Chicago is famous for pizza, so we got some. We all had only one slice, except for Steve, who really needed some snacks. Lang, being Gluten Freeeeeee got a pizza that had no crusts, just SAUSAGE as the deep dish. Yeah. Here is a picture of Steve with one of the pizzas that we got. It's an optical illusion because that pizza is a size medium-

Finally, our host dog was as I like to say, 4loko crazy.

Tour of Elk Grove stg 1 and 2

2011-08-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

"Now we don't have any mountains here in Elk Grove, but we sure have some turns." -Race promoter before the start of the 270 turn circuit race.

Flash back to Friday afternoon, where we did a 4.5 mile time trial. The unaerodynamic fact about this is that we decided against bringing TT bikes, based on the fact of how two bikes take up more space then one bike. I however could be bothered to bring a Cole T85 and a Cole Disc wheel, which ended up being our only set of aero wheels for the race. Ian saves the day. We all brought Clip-On aero bars. Wait no we didn't, Steve couldn't be worried about the TT until he learned what the time cut was, and then was like "omg, wtf, I need some clipons". We were all spaced out by 18 minutes in the TT order, so immediately after finishing our ~10 minutes of racing, we continued racing towards the start, and swapped wheels with whoever was next. Then I had to be bothered to remove my aero bars so little Steve could assume a superman position. Gabe, our resident guest rider, made us all look silly by basically doubling the rest of our finishing places, getting 47th. Then Myself, Cody, Steve, and Lang came in 84 87 90 and 95. So basically, the skinsuit I lent Gabe led to him being Wacky-Fast. So my plan of winning every single stage and making BANK hits a road block in the very early stages.

UCI races can't have crits in them, but they CAN have 27 corners in a 15.6 k lap! Which we did 10 of, for a total number of corners that only a mathematician could compute. 270. This race was entirely in neighborhoods, so 80 percent of the time, I had no idea where I was, 100 percent of the time. This race was pretty easy for 10 minutes, and then things got LOCO when UHC was angry that Gabe got in the early breakaway.

So then I was on the rivet for around 2.5 hours. I pulled this off the Aerocat racing Facebook page-

"We averaged 45.5km/hr for 156kms... BLAZING!!!!!!!! First 50km we averaged 50-55km/hr and 65+km/hr and some sections on the course (flat, this is not descending)..."

It was fast, and lots of turns. The course map they put in the bible made no sense to me. Here is a picture of it-

Wait no, that is a picture of the A-maze-ing labyrinth, aka the best board game, ever. But really, here is a picture of the course- Try and follow it

So the breakaway finally was deemed acceptable, and then we went really slow in the group for the last two laps. Which was really pleasant, because riding the course at 20 mph made it much more fun then 35 mph. King Lang worked his way into the move, but Cyclingnews forgot to talk about him. My list of Feillu's is really long on why I didn't get in the breakaway, but that is for another day.

"A large chase group of roughly 18 riders came together nearly one and half minutes behind the six leaders. The chase group included Rory Sutherland (UnitedHealthcare), who was the highest placed rider in the overall classification of that group, Jonathan Cantwell (V Australia), Brad Huff and Ken Hanson (Jelly Belly p/b Kenda), Emile Abraham (AeroCat), Fernando Antogna (Jamis-Sutter Home), Ben Jacques-Maynes (Bissell) and three riders from Geox-TMC, among others."

Lang is OTHERS!!!!

So that went away and then got 12 minutes up the road. Then we did a lead out for the bunch sprint. Steve took the front w/ ~2.5 K to go, and pulled all the way to ~800 to go. Then Gabe started sprinting. He did 800-400 no problem, then started to fade. I was almost worried as he slowed down a bit, but then he found his 10 on the cassette and kicked again and held it all the way to 197 m to go. Then I couldn't not win the bunch kick, so I went for it and held it to the line. We had some people on certain pro teams giving us crap about "the amateurs doing a leadout when there is 20 guys up the road". Sorry guys, we are here to race. We had a guy in the first big breakaway, a guy in the break that went to the line, and then we won the pack sprint. For a UCI race with a bunch of Pro teams, not a bad showing. Adding to the fun of sprinting for the group is that by winning the bunch sprint, I was 25th, which was the last spot getting paid. So to the people who gave us crap, I am now 200 dollars richer.

We were all pretty messed up after the race. 95 miles of basically crit racing is really hard. A sure sign on the difficulty level of race is how Twitter etiquette goes out the window with fatigue. Tweeting multiple times in a row is frowned upon.

As you can see here, Lang wrote a Novella, and I wrote a mini-novella.

Steve showed a huge sign of fatigue by talking about cross. Lame.

Cody has zero-tweeting capabilities because his phone looks like this, because his Canadian phone doesn't work in this world.

Today we have a shorter circuit race, with equal amounts of corners and two Uturns a lap! Good thing I did a standing start workout on the track once when I was 14!

How to Eat to Prepare for a Race

2011-08-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

I am in Chicago for Tour of Elk Grove. NOT Tour DE Grove, because that was in May and in some other state. But anyways, this is a UCI race which means that I can't fill in the tubes of my bike with helium airbubbles to make it lighter. This race is also the richest race in the states: Theoretically I can come away from Chicago with over $36,000 in prize money. In order to do this, I'll need to win every stage, every hot spot sprint, and the overall. I'll let Steve, Cody, Lang, and Gabe win some premes, as well as finish high, so that we can win the 2k for best team also. So that's the plan. But how do I prepare for such financial domination? It's easy. It starts in the kitchen.

It's a fairly well known fact that proper nutrition can be the difference between 12th and 11th, 21st and 18th, and winning and being hungry. So if you don't do it right, perhaps don't even start. There are many crazy nutrition plans out there: Everything from only eating fruit to Breatharianism, which is when just the sunlight and fresh air provides you all the nutrients that you need to survive! AKA those people think that they are dandelion plants.

So here is how I eat in order to get ready for a race.

First, find the biggest blender that exists in this world. I personally use the Vita Mix, because it is huge and has a stirring stick that reminds me of my ancestors grinding wheat to make bread. But I try not to get reminded too much, because I'm gluten free. Anyways, once you get this blender, it's time to go to work. Here is what I add into a normal liquid meal-

Two scoops cornmeal (for fiber)
One head of elephant garlic (for immune system support)
Three full salmon filets (omega fatty acids, essential for recovery!)
One package of spicy italian sausages, in the plastic (for protein and aided digestion)
Six raw eggs
100 chia seeds (this is important, count them out)
Eight teaspoons of apple cider vinegar (apple is a fruit!)
Two Watermelon flavored jolly ranchers
Salt, lots of salt
Berries for proper smoothie color (of course you put berries into a smoothie, what kind of monster do you think I am?)
Kefir for the liquid base (to help with the stomach)
Two large prunes, One handful of Kale (not too important on quantity), Three heads of Broccoli, and 1/2 of a spaghetti squash (this must be cooked pre-blend)
One french press worth of COARSE coffee grounds
OMG lots of spinach, soooo good
And finally, love

This is the really important part- A serving size = however much you have in the blender when everything is finished mixing. Keep in mind you might need to have an extra blender blade handy if you are doing this more then twice a day, because the plastic on the sausage wrappers tends to wreak some havoc on the blades. But only creatures eat more then twice a day anyways, so none of you will have to worry about that.

Finally, do not, and it is absolutely pivotal that you DO NOT drink this in a regular cup. Are you kidding? You must find a large goblet or bucket and drink it out of that.

But really, I had two breakfasts today.

Love, Ian

Phil Gaimon took my intro paragraph

2011-07-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

I had decided to write about how there may have been a bike race in France going on, but the real bike racing was happening in Bend, but someone else submitted their blog entry first so ignore anything I've said so far.

I left all of you hanging with a hint of future success in the crit event, mainly because of the skinsuit I chose to wear. We'll jump back to Bend, Saturday afternoon, post just submitted. I'm feeling pretty good about myself, seeing as I just out-blogged Kennett. I put my skinsuit on and ride to the course. Reverse even earlier into the day, and we had just rode to the course to drink coffee. I had crazy good sensations because I ordered the same coffee as someone on Pure Black, meaning that it was likely that the crit skillz were coming. So the combination of skinsuit+flat white+winning blogging race = perfect crit race, correct? I'm going to leave you hanging just a bit.

wingerstudios.com

I have a story to tell. It's about a man, a tall man. One who would rather race a timetrial then a crit. One who prefers long, painful road races to short and snappy criteriums. Someone who I haven't done a criterium with in quite some time. This is also the same person who on Saturday night I saw doing all sorts of crit shark things- Here are some examples

Passing on the inside
Taking wheels
Riding at the front
HOPPING A CURB
etc etc

So here's to you Sir, a newly reborn crit racer. May the world of bike racing open in front of your eyes.

wingerstudios.com

Anyways, I didn't win the crit. Apparently people are fast enough to lap the field on this course, and while I didn't shift out of my 53x10 the whole time, I also didn't factor into anything. It's ok though, because I'm only 16. My cousins came out to watch, which is always great. They didn't bring their dogs though (Cmon Milena and Ry!), but it's pretty cool to see them somewhat often because of this bike racing thing.

wingerstudios.com

Colin could only be bothered to get third place in his crit, but when I got back to the house he and Steve were already celebrating. (Side note- He won pretty much everything else that mattered, because he's ONLY 24),

wingerstudios.com PSYCH

Feeling pretty tired at this point, I took 34 Hammer Nutrition REM caps and tried to sleep, but to no avail, so instead Lang and I took Kiwi-Knowledge quizzes. We talked about Boikes until I was knackered, then went to bed.

Sunday is the last day of the Boike race, and it is also the longest stage of the race at 80-something miles. 5 laps of the Awbrey Butte course. In the past I've had some fairly decent rides on this course, so I was pretty optimistic.

wingerstudios.com

And then a couple laps in I got dropped pretty hard on Archey Briggs!!!! I stayed in the 20+ car long caravan over the crest of the climb. I knew that if I could stay in the cars, I could get a round of bottles for the guys left. So I took bottles until I recovered, and made my way back to the group to distribute.

wingerstudios.com

I got Lang TWO bottles, which is the equivalent to letting the beast out. He went uphill faster then most and had a pretty good result on the day, which I think probably had lots to do with the two bottles I got him. If we only had one more guy..... Here is a video of what happens when you give Lang 2 bottles-

Logan, Lang, and Cody were our only finishers on the day, which really secured our spot in Team GC. They were paying close attention to riding together as a team, and luckily they didn't need just one more guy!

Some local racing this weekend, then hopefully some big crit racing in August. There is still much fun to be had.

Cascade stages 0 through something

2011-07-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

Wingerstudios.com

In 2009, Lang Reynolds almost won the historic Milan San Remo. This is the story of Hagens Berman at the 2011 Cascade Cycling Classic.

Racing started with a prologue on Tuesday, where I rode I think pretty fast through the straightaways, but when I got to the tetris section of the course I didn't go so fast. The first 90deg right hander on a bike lane wide section was pretty basic, I made sure to hit the brakes there, then again when I turned 7 more times. I did however pay extra close attention to looking really handsome and photogentic the whole time and it worked, because I got a picture on Cyclingnews.

As prologues seem to go, it was a pretty underwhelming result and I was quite nervous about the ~15 seconds I lost to the race winner. I knew that those 15 seconds would be pretty crucial the next day when we went up an hour long climb, and then another 20 minute long climb. And by that I mean that I survived the first half of the climb with the leaders, and thought I was doing alright until I realized that I still had 30 minutes of climbing to go. It's ok though, because I was in a group with 40 of my new closest friends, AND I didn't signal the upcoming corner unlike my teammates. Also, I just found out that I am racing Kennett to see who finishes typing a blog post first so if all of a sudden this just ends kind of like an episode of the Sopranos, it's Kennett's fault.

Thursday was the time trial that I've done at least 12 times, and done it fast on zero occasions. Luckily, I made sure to warmup in numerical order so that nothing would be confusing to me and I could focus on going as fast as I could. Looking at my strava data I was about 3 minutes slower then Lang on the climb out but then on the way back down I put 6 minutes into him to finish ~30 seconds faster, and ALMOST make it into the top 100 for the first time all week! If that math doesn't make sense to you, my downhill split was significantly faster then Langs because he had to do a bike change at the top to get off of his fixie uphill TT bike, and get on his downhill specific TT machine.

Cody, myself, and Steve pre-TT

An almost hot day meant that we could go sit in the Deschutes River and soak our TTired legs (see what I did there?). Since it was below 80 degrees, none of the locals were out except for one kid who "didn't want to get his inbetween waist and thighs cold" by going that far into the water. I also didn't want to hurt that area either, but I also had to see who was manlier between Spencer and myself so I walked in with my pride intact. Meanwhile, Steve walked in half as far as the rest of us did. After the river, we accidentally saw Jordan Campbell, then Spencer and Winger had a battle to see who could eat the most protein. Here is a picture of what Spencer ended up eating-

Meanwhile, Kennett ate cereal. And speaking of Kennett eating, besides Cereal, here is his exact diet.

Then Colin got here, and the party really started. And by that I mean that he pretty much instantly broke the TV, which brought tears to Lang and Steves face. Luckily, Kennett and I are strong in the face of adversity, and fixed it. Phew, we almost had to do something like.... talk to eachother.... but luckily the TV got fixed.

Friday was the second road race, which going into it I wasn't too worried about it, but then suddenly Thursday night I realized that this stage was gonna be a real slobberknocker . I've done 80 percent of this stage before in the Cat 2 race, but the darn right hilarious part about that is A) the cat 2 race starts one mile from the top of a climb and B) the Cat 1 race starts in town, rides ballistic speed neutral rollouts, then starts climbing for 40 minutes to get to where the Cat 2 race starts.

So the real humor behind this is that if you get dropped on the first climb, you have a ridiculous long day in front of you to try and not get time cut. ALSO they only allow 150 riders to race the crit, so my 137th place on GC going into the day was slightly scary. The section between the first climb and the last climb is ~2 hours of slightly downhill headwind, aka you lose if you get dropped. So I tried real hard to not get dropped on the first climb. I decided that the best possible place to get dropped was the section near the parking lot where the other races were staged (1 mile from the top) so that as I was getting dropped lots of people would see me! It worked out great, and I went backwards through the spectators. Then I followed a psychopath Fly V guy downhill through the caravan and caught back on with relative ease. Then I sat in for 2 hours and then got dropped on the finish climb and rolled in around 2 minutes back on the leaders.
PS- Steve sprinted the grupetto.

So my first top 100 of the #CCC came on the queen stage! Hooray!

Tonight is the crit, and tomorrow is the Awbrey Butte circuit race. Going to wear the skinsuit for optimal speed.

wingerstudios.com

Also, I just beat Kennett in the blog writing race! Say whatttttt

Bend Pre-Gamin

2011-07-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

And I'm not talking yoga class. Bend is a cool place, and I really like it here. But its raining? WTF! I was told that Bend never has rain, and that it has 368 days of sunshine!! So this morning instead of going out and riding REALLY early to avoid rain, Lang decided to try and help me out and took us to Thump coffee for really no specific reason other to you know, get coffee. Turns out I'm still an eligible bachelor since I didn't meet any new people. And of course by that, what I really mean is that I got an Americano with 3x shots because our host house doesn't have any coffee.

So Lang, Steve and I are living together in this really small house with no space. And by that I mean that we each have our own rooms and beds. We have been trying our best to make do with what we have as well as trying to figure out how to spend 2 full days of downtime before doing the prologue tonight. First, Kennett came over and ate 7 bowls of cereal. Then Steve had 2 bags of popcorn. Lang ate literally the whole fridge because he heard there was a tailwind for the prologue, and everyone knows that heavy people get more advantage in tailwind "fat people" races. And I ate nothing because Cody and I have been on the Cascade KOM plan. So actually, I ate only marshmallows because those were the lightest food I could find in the house, and I heard eating food that doesn't weigh much makes you light.

First, the TV in this house is monumental. Somehow this thing stays on the wall, I don't know how. It also takes 4 remotes to operate. But since the tv is so big, I was able to see Andy and Frank Schleck not attack in that big bike race in France.

Then, we sort of spread out into our various rooms. Lang likes many things, but high on his list is "ways of self entertainment". He found the legos first, and was STOKED! But then found something else that really brought back memories from his childhood (childhood during when the original Star Wars came out, because Lang is older then me and therefore it's funny).

Steve found the XBOX, which is trouble. No one but Steve is allowed to touch it, and I was lucky enough to surprise him with a picture while he was playing- Feast your eyes on Steve in Xbox-mode-

When I was getting the tour of the house, I saw this device in my room. What is it for? Luckily we asked the host, and found out that his children are quite some Red Bull-Risk takers.

So that is the fun we have been having Pre-Cascade. We got some new jerseys in to wear if it ever gets sunny here!

Alright, prologue tonight at 7:22:30. I'm going to pedal as hard as I can, and I heard someone starting rumors on the drive down that if you go fast enough, and the wind is just right, Time Trial bikes legitimately can take off the ground and go flying.

Wise Words From a Local Resident

2011-07-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

10+ hours of driving later we arrived in Boise. And by driving, I mean I sat in the passenger seat and Cody sat in the back, because in exchange for a free lunch Steve drove the whole way. That is similar to how I plan on hanging around in pool halls, challenging people to high risk financial games of pool, losing the first one (on purpose), and then going quadruple or nothing on the next one and winning. Conned. 10 hours of driving > one salad, but luckily Steve was ok with that deal.

We stopped to ride in Pendleton, which is apparently home to one of the ten largest rodeos in the world... I didn't see any rodeos, but a local did call us out for "dressing like you're about to ride a long ways" even though we were only riding for one hour. It was a really scenic ride that had a tailwind in both directions!!!!

Boise is home to the Exergy Twilight Crit, one Performance bike shop, one jail, and a really mountainous ride loop that we rode on Friday.

I got dropped soooo hard

Unfortunately, I got pretty sick on Friday, and woke up feeling worse on Saturday. I decided to start anyways, because USAcrits gives lots of points for race starts, and maybe just maybe racing would bring me back to life. Long story short, it did.... NOT. But the plus side of all this is that my USAcrit series start points moved me up two places in the overall standings, even though I did not finish. On to the next one.

There are LOTS of pretty girls in Boise. Lots and lots, and I had plenty of time after I pulled myself from the race to network and compare astrological signs. However, I talked to none of them. But I did talk to two crazy people and one self proclaimed "Real Ghetto Man". I pulled myself from the race when I couldn't hold my breath any longer, and then I rode around trying to find a quiet spot to chill and maybe trick my pneumonia-esq lungs into working again. This was harder said then done, because the 20,000 people that came out to spectate were kind of everywhere. I found a somewhat isolated bench and was angrily texting myself when an extremely tall guy, who was visibly drunk, smoking a cigarette and wearing a LA Lakers jersey stumbled up and sat down next to me. Some highlights from this conversation included:

"I bet you could dunk. You got huge calves. I got some white homies, they only 5'9, they can soarrrrr. Up and over the rim. Straight up soar"

To which I responded "yeah no I can't jump, I can maybe touch net

"I've had a few beers"
"Money used to be all that mattered to me. I had too much, just blew it all. Never saw the real important stuff. Dancing. People. New sports, like this baseball, wait no, biking thing that I'm watching here"
"I figured I'd come over and talk to you, because you all alone. And I'm drunk"
"Let me show you how to shake hands like they do in the ghetto!"

"You down. But you not out. You just out of this one. There's more."

Word.

Tour De Delta

2011-07-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

So close!

Steve, Winger, Morgan, and myself took a trip up to Americas Hat. We met up with Spencer up there, since he is, well, from up there and it didn't make sense for him to meet us in Seattle before heading back North to Canuckville. Tour de Delta is a 3 day omnium (based off points), with two crits and one road race.

Steve and I got a ride in Wingers car

First, I had to learn all about the monopoly money that they use up there, then I had to adapt to how basically BC is America, except with French subtitles. At one point in the road race on Sunday we were within 100 meters from a US border crossing! Amurica!

We left Friday morning, and Morgan was really stressed because he heard that Peace Arch was F'ed! Then Steve gave us inadequate information about a lunch stop, and then Winger almost got his nexus pass taken away because Steve had a banana and Morgan had a juice drink with lots of seeds in it. (Also, AJ may or may not have been hidden in the trunk of the car) (ok he wasn't actually). The first crit on Friday was a rectangle, with the long straights either being up or down. The climb had speed bumps in it, and the finish was maybe 40 meters from the last corner. I tried to go as easy as possible up the climb every lap so that I'd have all sorts of Canadian fireworks to throw off on the last lap- I'd do this by NOT BRAKING IN THE CORNERS??? and then going slower up the hill. Worked out pretty well, and ended up sprinting for 13th on the day (9th in the pack sprint).

I rode pretty hard up the hill the last lap, someone got a good picture!

I knew that this race had a Best Young Rider competition, and as I looked at who was ahead of me on the day I hoped to have gotten it. Turns out I was, and got called onto the podium for a Leaders Jersey and some flowers.

I gave the flowers to our host mom, and even though she was Wingfield's grandma, I became the favorite in the house. It seems like every place I've stayed this year has had some great bike paths nearby, and this was no exception. Saturday morning we went out for an AM spin, and although we didn't see any grizzly bears or beavers, it was still pretty pleasant.

The worst part was when we had to ride a gravel trail to get to the path, but luckily we all had on our Vittoria Pave training tires and were able to float over those bumps much like it was the Pave of the famed Roubaixs in... Montana.

Saturday evening was crit number 2. I made a fan of kid before the start who A) thought it was really cool that I had a leaders jersey , B) my bike was REALLY light, and C) I talked to him. Then I was told I'd get a call up, so Morgan and I hung out at the back of the group during the ceremonial bagpipe walk. Turns out I didn't get a call up, which was lame, because they called up people who I beat the day before and were not in a leaders jersey! They also only called Canadians to the line.... hmmm... Didn't they see that my name is in the word to describe the people of their country! However, I did use the "I should be getting a call up pretty soon" line to move my way through the pre-race madness to still end up the second row at the start.

Right side, behind Pinfold from United Healthcare

Then I crashed 1/2 way through, and that was pretty much that. Tried to salvage a result and got 25th, outside of the points, and lost the Best Young Riders jersey. The two biggest stories for this race were Steve winning a preme, and my watch literally saving my life. Without it, I'd have gotten road rash on my veins and that's how people commit suicide! So I'm lucky. Also, the watch saved my palms from getting scraped because the band kept my hand roughly 2 cm off the ground. So now I need a new white watch! Any suggestions?

Here is my face after the race Saturday, I was fairly tired and beat up-

So after a night of sticking to the sheets, we headed off for our 9am road race start. The course was shaped like a dumbbell, which is perfect for me, because I hit the gym doin the bicep curls on the regular. I say dumbbell because we did 4 circuits in one town, rode 30 k to another town, and then did 80 k of circuits in there. There was a fairly big climb on the second set of circuits, that I was really hoping would blow the race apart. It did, twice, but unfortunately it kept coming back together. Spencer got the hardman award of the day by making it into the break of the day and staying away till about 20 k to go. Steve and Winger were great, with both of them making sure I was in good position at the base of the hill each lap. Then Steve got me to the front with ~700 m to go, and I tried my best to make a sprint, and ended up 6th in the bunch, for 8th on the day.

Spencer in the Break

I was really hoping that I had done enough to get the jersey back- I had put 6 places between me and the current Best Young Rider on the stage. Unfortunately I didn't quite get it back, and ended up tied for second in the Best Young Rider standings.

Oh right, and somehow again my face got captured at the finish!

TDF Tech

2011-07-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

Probably everyone that reads this has some connection to cycling, specifically me. That is unless the person who continuously searches "Sparkling Water Diet Cleanse" on google and somehow ended up on my blog, became a life long reader. If so, hey!

So under that assumption, I am going to talk some Tour De France tech real quick. A cool thing about this race is that sponsors see the value in going above and beyond, and because of that riders often receive new bikes. Then media-outlets such as Cyclingnews and Velonews do bike profiles where people like me can notice things like how Phillipe Gilbert's big ring is worn down and his little ring appears brand new, aka he is way to manly for the little ring.


Gilbert's rings

Gilbert is also a freshly minted National Champion, so a new scheme is a must!

Some riders, perhaps unsure of their current fitness, use a simple name sticker to distinguish their bikes from others.

Other riders have quite notable characteristics that set them apart from others. Thor Hushovd is the current World Champion as well as the current yellow jersey (at time of publication). For this, his bike has been accented with those respective colors.

If you're quite sure of your form going into the Tour, or perhaps have gotten second two years in a row, your sponsors will dazzle your bike just a bit. This is quite the honor!

Two lions of Luxembourg as well as two hammers, representing Frank and Andy Schleck.

A bit more fancy then a name sticker

But there is still a level to climb. If your bike has any sort of swag to it, you've earned some respect. Your sponsors appreciate you, and feel that you are the MAN and will be earning some media coverage. Some people are just a bit more G'd up. Bike racing is hard for everyone except 2 men. Phillipe Gilbert, and Fabian Cancellara.

Fabian's bike is the steed for a gladiator. Players play, and in terms of bike-swag, Fabian is winning.

First, your name shall not be used. A name represents a person; someone capable of feeling pain, cracking under pressure, mortgages, and potential comparisons. A nickname eliminates that, and instead of making Fabian seem human (HA!), it represents what he is: A machine.

Second, some form of primal representation to put further distance into the idea that Fabian might be a human, therefore being able to suffer. "Our arrows will blot out the sun. THEN WE WILL FIGHT IN THE SHADE!"

How could someone who doesn't feel pain roll easily without branded tires?

And finally, some form of weapon with your lucky numbers on it leading the way.

So cool! Fabian's got it made, and I figured since he is a Bicycle-thug and can hold 1000 watts for probably 13 minutes, I should try and see if there is a way that I can mimic this in order to become an apprentice bicycle-thug!

The violent, majestic symbol

Branded Vittoria tubies!

A Crane of Dynamite- that's primal!

Other ways for bicycle-thugging = commuting in style

I love this time of year!

Full of Ideas

2011-07-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

Man, I hate traffic. I like my car, it has personality. I like to drive it, and I drive it... quite frequently. However, it gets TIRED in traffic. Nowhere near as tired as Steve's car of course- We left Bham at the same time, he drove behind me for awhile, chopped me in Mt Vernon, and then I didn't see him anymore. Turns out his car needed a break and he pulled over to let it rest.

The swagger wagon is awesome. Its record for things INSIDE is 5 bikes, 18 wheels, 3 duffel bags, 1 box of parts, and 2 people. With 2 more wheels tied to the roof with course tape because they didn't fit, anywhere.

Steves car is also spacious, and is quite stereotypical. I just stepped out into the driveway to snap this picture!

Anyways, to the ideas. I started talking about traffic, but took a pretty big detour because I don't think that I have talked about my car once in the history of this world and I figured if I did, and used lots of captions, when I google search "swagger wagon", a picture of my car will come up. Instead of this-


It does have the Toyota logo....

Alright, snap back to reality. I have figured out what it is going to take to eliminate traffic. Forever. The answer lies in a combination of fear and strict attention to posted speed limit regulations. It's pretty clear that the new variable speed zones in Seattle do absolutely nothing to negate traffic, and I blame that on people. People just can't be bothered to slow down to 45 when going 60- I do it myself! Why slow down to a speed that allows it so other people can merge easily when you can go 60-65, angrily swerving while playing Angry Birds, and have to slam on the brakes when someone merges onto the freeway at 43mph, (not going to talk about that..), causing a chain reaction of braking, eventually causing traffic. Or maybe there is a Prius driving slow in the commuter lane? This is where the fear comes in.

Face it. Most people don't swim with sharks, because they're afraid of being eaten. Most people don't eat that one type of poisonous fish that is supposed to be delicious that's only poisonous in a certain spot, because they're afraid of being poisoned. And people shouldn't drink decaf coffee, because that's ridiculous.

In order to combat traffic, the act of speeding needs to be feared. Unfortunately, the fear of tickets is not quite enough, as some people just keep racking in those tickets. So in order to fear speeding, therefore keeping speeds constant, therefore fixing traffic, the answer lies in....

....

Spike strips.

Sensored spike strips, randomly hidden along freeways, spaced at random intervals, in random lanes. I'm not talking thousands of strips, just 1 or 2 every 20 miles. When triggered by a certain speed over the limit, POP, crazy slide, lots of sparks, multi car accident, and several people who will never speed again! Hooray for lessons learned!

The great thing about this is that Ambulances, Police, Me, and Edgar Martinez will all have sensors on the bottoms of our cars that will block the signal transmission to the spike strips.

So if you're planning on speeding, you better have one heck of a reason.

And in other news, I made it from Bham-Seattle in record time this weekend!

(ok fine, this is a pretty poor idea)

Here's another idea! I'm sick of all these sports that just are the saaaameeee time after time. Specifically I mean figure skating, bmx, 4 cross, downhill skiing, and hockey. I think a cool sport that someone should invent would somehow incorporate all of those, into one crazy time.

Oh WAIT!

Nationals

2011-06-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Tarantino this for you. (Mom, that means that I am going to share the ENDING before the beginning)

We are standing in the tunnel to get on the plane in Chicago, to fly home to Seattle. There was a small light in the chaos that is plane boarding, and that light was the conversation that I was able to overhear between a father and his roughly 4 year old son.

    Father, explaining why his son shouldn't be running around and bumping into people in the line:
    "Buddy, people have their personal bubble, you need to respect that."

    Son: "Well can I STARE at people??"

    Father: "No! That counts as personal boundaries too little man! People don't like being stared at"

    Son: "But I realllllllly like to stare at people"

    Father: "Well you better get some really dark sunglasses".

Also of importance, the dad was wearing dark sunglasses.

Anyways, that leads in well for the last couple pictures I took in our hotel-

I'llll creeeep creeeep creeep. I'lllll creep - Lil Jon


Following me

But continuing with the Tarantino-ing before getting to the actual races, spending time at this hotel in Georgia somewhat changed us. Not only did all my things smell like cigarettes when I returned home, but our actions and lifestyles started to morph while we were there.

Example A-

just 4 dudes and we're having a good time having a good time, having a good time

Example B-

Then we locked Steve in a pika pak. I'm not to sure what this has to do with staying in the hotel but it had to be related to that somehow.


There's a Steve in that bag

U23 Crit: The crit was pinting HOT. Downtown Augusta is allright, but sunny. And humid. Our race was 60K, 50 laps on the rectangular course. People started staging 40 minutes before our race, so Steve and I hung out and "chilled" (LOL) in the shade while all those suckers got really warm in the sun. Then we chopped everyone and lined up second row. The plan was to not do anything for 40-50 minutes. But I just couldn't help myself and was in the first breakaway. Oops. Then I sat 20th wheel for 1 hour. Drank two whole bottles and still had 40 minutes left in the race. Threw up 4 separate times as I got thirstier and thirstier. Pulled a Kennett and bit my cheeks. And then everything turned off with 3 laps to go and I came off the front group of ~40, pretty disappointed but 100 percent busted up. It took 20 minutes of sitting on a cooler in the shade to be able to unbuckle my shoes.

On Friday Night, Lang and I did laundry while wearing tanktop undershirts. We fit in at the hotel. However, we didn't participate in the pickup truck party that was happening in the parking lot, or the army party that was happening on the third floor balcony.

Here are some pictures of myself and Lang doing laundry. Lang is the one on the ....

U23 Road Race: Early on little groups of 2 and 3 kept getting up the road. I had my mind set on climbing fast up the finish hill the last lap and making a sprint against ~20 guys. I didn't want to go in a move of 2 and spend an hour pinning it, only to get caught and end up attacking myself off the back. I was ready to go in a bigger break, but for some reason I didn't even consider the idea that all those little groups could become 1-2 BIG groups!

All of a sudden I was in a group of around 50 with still 60 miles to race in the 100 degree temperature. Because we raced at 1 pm (WTF). We were considered the peleton, but there were 30+ people up the road. Which meant that no one in my group was really racing anymore. At one point, we were 12 minutes down, and I thought I was on a coffee shop ride. The plus side of this is that it was like I was on a long bike ride with my BFF4Lyfe Benny. It got to the point where the "peleton" had no lead or follow car, and we were instructed to obey traffic laws. Then people started to pull, and we started to bring people back, one cracked, heat-broken soul at a time. After another hour or so we caught the 2nd big group on the road, which both Steve and Jordan were in. They had been in various forms of breakaways ALL DAY and I had been riding easy. Suckaaaas. We had no idea how many guys were up the road, the officials had no idea, and we heard everything from we were racing for 11th to that there were still 40 guys up the road.

Turns out there was 20 guys up the road. Then after one guy got away from our group, Steve got away with 3 other guys in the last couple of K's, and some other guys got away with 1 k to go, Benny and I picked up the pieces in the finish climb/sprint. So I was 32nd in the Road Race.

Why does this happen everywhere I go?

Elite Road Race: It was advertised as 217 starters, but if I believed that I would also believe that Steve was 5'6". So yeah, there was maybe 180 starters. Probably because the heat was pretty extreme on Sunday at noon when we started (WTF!).

I had a job in this race, and that was to help out Lang and Dan-Land as much as I possibly could. So that meant I was to try and get in the early breakaway, and if I couldn't do that, I was on bottle duty until I couldn't retrieve one more Hammer Nutrition bottle. I was in the first 2 moves, then got really tired. I then tried to keep Lang from getting thirsty.

Dan killing it in the break

Dan-Land made the breakaway and crushed it alllllll day in the heat. Dan Harm was riding like a thug, and was always in the top 15 guys in the group. I know this because it was a loooooooooooonnnnnnnnggggggggg way up through the pack everytime that I had bottles for him. Steve and I then got more bottles. Then I started to get dropped, ALOT. I would get dropped, and then think to myself that if I caught up, I could at least get bottles for the guys one more time. So I did that a total of 4 times. I also had to do a wheel change in there, and after a power bottle that almost broke my arm when I ran into the mirror, I was able to catch back up. I got dropped for good on lap 4 of 7, and then got a milkshake.

Me and Steve riding at the back to you know, get bottles

So a disappointing weekend results wise, but it was good racing and I learned things in every event. And in bike racing school, if you're not learning, you might as well not show up.

“As humans we’ve gotten so far from what we were supposed to do that we’re always searching for something that makes us real again, that gives us that feeling of doing what we’re meant to do. For me, bike racing is that.”

-Svein Tuft