People of the Airport

More bike racing trips means more times to the airport. While some might view this as a hassle, I simply see it as an opportunity to grow as a person by expanding my awareness of people around me. Without further ado, I bring to to you: People of the Airport (hopefully volume 1).

 
CHECK IN:

Here you can see the struggle when one realizes they can't carry on their lighter fluids, camping stoves, and kitchen knives onto the airplane. A chaotic bag swap ensues, which is absolutely necessary to be done in the middle of the walkway. In order to successfully emulate, please do not consider moving to the side of the walkway.

 Southwest Airlines has a pretty fancy plane boarding procedure. It's free seats, and the time for you to get on the plane is determined numerically by when you check in online 24 hours in advance. For example, check in exactly 24 hours before your plane is set to depart, you will get a boarding number such as A4. Slack and check in 5 hours before departure, you are C48. Everyone has a number, and you board the plane in this fashion. But I've found that the best way to ensure you get on the plane when you have an A6 and a A 20 is to stand in line WELL BEFORE anyone else. Regardless of the fact that your number is your spot, and all you have to do is show up before your number boards, stand in line early. And I mean 20 minutes early before anyone boards.

STYLE:
It is quite important to look Professional and dignified when in the airport. A former coach who worked for Boeing told me that airline employees are more likely to give seat upgrades to people who look nice when at the airport. 

This is clearly a perfect representation of style. Mismatched joker socks, overalls, brilliance.
 

Don't forget to match your hat to your jacket to your bag to your jeans to your bluetooth! That's pro!

Welcome to Sea-Tac! It's 40 degrees and raining! But if you're a sports superstar, feel free to wear your sweaty jersey you played a game in earlier. No one can smell you!

Here is a show of contrast in airport attire, but both great representations of how to get that seat upgrade! For one, wearing an all white suit shows you're ready for prom night (and a boost to the aisle seat exit row!), and for the other, wearing the train conductors overalls show that just in case the pilot has an issue, you are ready to navigate the friendly skies!

Nascar!

And this is a skullet!

Wish to guarantee a front of the line spot? If you check in as C58, but want to board as an A1, wear this-

SAFETY:

Flying on airplanes is no safe thing. That is why they spend the first 10 minutes of the flight telling you what to do in case of an emergency water evacuation when there also is a loss of oxygen. But luckily you can prepare for and prevent yourself from getting any injuries while flying!

REST:

After a long day of travel, it's a given you'll be tired and stressed. Why not put your feet up?

Also, we found Grant! (not staged)

THANKS FOR FLYING:

But truly the best part about airplanes is when you leave the plane and the tunnel from the door to the terminal is filled of life size pictures of smiling employees, thanking you for flying on their companies airline!

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Midwest Crit racing!

Traveling for JUST criteriums! Could anything be better? Not even one foolish uphill TT to worry about! 

The Hagens Berman Crit team convened in St. Louis MO (money mo problems) for the three day weekend of Tour De Grove. Spencer and Dan came from Joe Martin Stage Race and Steve and I came from class on Friday-to the airport-to the bike race.

Dan tugs on the Harry Potter book and the secret door opens. Actually.

Steve felt like a grownup, that is until we learned the ceilings were actually quite low

The three races were: The Midtown Rally Grand Prix, The Tour De Grove (NRC), and The Dutchtown Classic. I happened across a diagram on the internet that summed up these races quite nicely.

I tried to analyze this further-

We were without a car on this trip, so all transportation was done in the way of the caveman- On Carbon fiber bikes and Deep-Dish carbon Tubulars. That meant that we would be riding in the dark on Friday. Our 75 minute race was set to start at 9:30. It was an hour bike ride. That means we rode home at Midnight (This ride included a grocery store stop for nourishment!)

Pure joy that the bonk will be avoided

The race was a simple 4 corner rectangle. Long straights with a tailwind finish section. Mach 10 down the homestraight, then 40 guys wide into the headwind. Repeat. I jumped into the headwind one lap and bridged solo to a group that had two PureBlack guys (more on them later), two V Australia, and one other guy. I was pretty stoked on this, as we were announced as the first significant break of the day. Several laps later that was caught. Then I got excited again and pulled through the finish line and up through the next two corners two laps in a row. Then, in a hopefully unrelated incident, I watched the finish from around 50th wheel as I couldn't figure out how those crafty men go through such small gaps.

Right side of the picture. White armwarmers

Saturday was the NRC race. That means there was 15times as much prize money up for grabs as the day before, and this also means that United Healthcare came and raced bikes. They are much better then everyone. Except for maybe the crafty geniuses that are the Pure Black Racing team. These dudes from NZL race every race perfectly. They do not have the strongest guy/best crit racer in the field (That's Jon Cantwell, Aussie natl crit champ), but they do have 6 of the best 10 guys. Which means they go crazy. Which means they won. Today, Pure Black out raced UHC. Hagens Berman watched from 20th wheel. Today I was more capable of moving around and after 9 guys got up the road, I was setting myself up for the field sprint. Turns out a lap and a quarter on a 1.8 mile course that crosses over two freeway overpasses is actually quite a long time, and 6th wheel with 2+miles to go doesn't turn out well. I finished 25th, 5 places out of NRC points and money. 

On a side note, there were so many potholes and sections of rough pavement on this course that the TWO pits on the course both ran out of wheels. So when I flatted with 25minutes to go, the neutral mechanic apologized and told me that my race was over. I then found a wheel strapped to Dans backpack, returned to the pit, and was let back in after a nice break. When I was being set to get thrown back in, a rider came in with double flats on clincher wheels. The mechanic put tubes in both of them!

Heading into freeway overpass #1

There is my wheel! 2nd to left!

Sunday was mind boggling difficult. We started with ~100 guys, and after UHC rode really fast through the downpour and slippery corners and up the hill for 20 minutes we were down to 70ish guys. Then it got harder and there were 40 guys, then finally 32 guys. I made that front split and tried my darndest to not lose but I could only manage to beat 10 of those 32. UHC had all of their guys in this front split (because they are better then everyone) so when they went to the front with 6 to go to lead out their sprinter things became one straight line. I passed around one guy a lap, and that was all! I ended up 22nd in the "bunch sprint" and only two spots out of the money. I then sat on a doorstep for what felt like an hour staring at a wall. 

Remnants of the field

We were all mentally prepared (and by that I mean all were ready to cry) to ride the 17 miles to the airport hotel after the race, but luckily the host-housing coordinator Amy offered to give us a ride! That saved us probably two hours of emotional trama! It was a tight fit in the car, but I was willing to hold a bike out the window if it meant us not having to ride to the hotel.

Then we went on a journey for food on Airport row!

Crit school was good fun and highly educational and I'd like to go many more times please.

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Observations: The Fame, The Shame, and The Glamor

A half of seasons worth of discreet studying of the species troglodyte fashionciclista of the genus Collegiate of the family Cyclist has came up with some pretty convincing data. All of this has been carefully noted in spiral bound notebooks with ink & quill and cataloged alphabetically. Luckily I received a grant from an anonymous philanthropist and have been able to transfer these catalogs so they are also readable digitally.

And we begin.

Observation One: THE SHAME
The troglodyte fashionciclista is stereotypically poor. Technically, based on my research, most members of the family Cyclist fall into the poor category. However, the addition of the genus Collegiate adds a new level of financial crisis to the story. I can understand. I spent $180 on two paperback textbooks. Really! So with all respect to the players who want to play, there IS a line, regardless of your financial situation.

Have I lost you? I am talking about eyewear. Mad respect to the people who, instead of paying rent, buy a pair of sunglasses to accent their respective team kits. Specifically, Oakley Jawbones. But please, DO NOT WEAR THESE AS CASUAL GLASSES. I understand your financial situation does not allow a purchase of casual glasses. But until you hustle for some Smith Optics Vanguard, you should squint in the sun while outside in public. Believe it or not, wearing blue jeans, a white tshirt, and half Yellow and half Lime Green Jawbones to the Noodle Factory does not win you style points. Here are some examples.

Not cool-

Cool-

Not Cool-

Mark Cavendish- Pure cool- 

And.... debatable?

Observation Two: THE FAME
Now that you have your Jawbones, you must have a specific walk. Much like a gorilla dragging their knuckles on the ground in the search for bananas, the troglodyte fashionciclista has a specific goal when walking around the hotel talking about power numbers, or in the rarest of situations, 7 hours after an awards ceremony, still wearing their chocolate covered medal*.

This walk is noticeable from blocks away. Not to be confused with the "my chest cavity is so huge I can't walk normal" but this walk is the "I can't be bothered to be around these people, because I am the best". Commonly, the walk will be accompanied by three to four adoring fans who follow 2-3 footsteps behind.

This walk emits such power, such heroism, that it is shocking that these offenders even need to pedal their bikes in the races! Based on statistical evidence- 87% of people who do the walk also baby oil their legs before every race, 74% have a self given nickname like "Thunder-man" or "Captain Amazing", 68% wear Jawbones casually, 48% wear Ed Hardy clothes, 27% train, and 1.8% are actually good at bike racing.

Enough of the statistics! How will you spot this at your next event?

+

It's like if the Swag walk and the Monty Python walk met and had a baby.
 

*The walk tends to stick with the people who get 37th, 48th, 71st, and crash sprinting for 93rd. However, at times there are exceptions. 

Observation Three: The Glamor
Not all observations have led me scratching my nose and furiously dipping my quill back into the ink for more frantic writing. The troglodyte fashionciclista has mastered the art of personal grooming. Mostly in the sense of hair, but at times, clothes as well. No hair style too crazy, no outfit too extreme to wear to the awards ceremony (both classy and... opposite of classy), and no limits on the creativity.

The guy who won the D2 rr (photo from veloimages)

The Navy team keeping things classy at the awards

Chris McGovern's shants. "These will be huge".

yes

Off for more research.

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College Kids Nationals parts 2 and 3: A Tale of Two Silvers

After the disappointment in the Road Race, I tried not to let it get me down mentally. I was to use the anger in the other races. Kind of like Gordon from the movie Dodgeball. After all, Ryans Aunt, Mom, and Grandpa were coming to the TTT so I knew we had to deliver for our fan club. We had dinner at the fan clubs house Friday night where it was pegged in less then two sentences spoken that I'm part CanadIAN. I never notice it eh, but there must be at thing aboot the accents on the WI side of the world that make my dialect so obvious. Eh? Ok.

When I started the number pinning 1.5 numbers behind Ryan, caught, passed, and finished before he did I knew that there would be some magic happening. And by magic, I mean the free Qdoba that was served post TT. And by free I mean that it was part of our $200 entry fee for the TTT alone. And by part of the entry fee I mean that probably most of that entry fee went to Qdoba, because tts aren't the most expensive race in the world to put on. But I stuck it to the man when I took at least 4 dollars worth of Guacamole and THREE cookies.

Unrelenting TTT course

The actual TTT went quite well. The course itself is hard, and the added wind made it mentally difficult also. We were down a rider early in the race (time is on 3rd rider across the line) so the three of us left had to really focus on staying together and riding fast. I think we rode really well. Steve maybe even offered more of a draft then normal when he realized the situation. After the turnaround,  I was able to use a combination of my girth, an 11, and some RR anger on the slight descents on the way back to try and tow the guys as much as possible. We fanned out across the line and soon found out our time was the current fast time. Only to be beaten by the next (and last) team across the line, Mesa St (the defending TTT champs). We lost by ~20 seconds. Mesa State finished with all 4 guys.

TTT Podium. Duke, WWU, Mesa St, Mars Hill, MIT

SMASHED THE QDOBA, compression, and hydration.

Finally it was crit time.

The course was long, with a uphill finish drag, and a shorter uphill followed by a long descent 600 meters from the line. The descent into the last corner made the finish hard to read. Fast forward an hour into the race. 3 guys up the road by 20 seconds. 7 laps to go. The three guys up the road were from Mesa St, Mars Hill, and Cumberland. The 3 biggest teams in the race. Steve got on the front and stayed there until he single handily caught the break with 2 to go. That is almost 5 miles straight on the front to chase back the breakaway.

Meanwhile, I was fighting to hold my position on the wheel of the guy who won last year. In previous Nationals, the bumping was minimum. By that, I mean I just had to shoulder check someone hard once and they would go away. Not the case this year. The last 10 minutes of the race were more physical then the lines at free slurpee day at 7-11. Are those actually physical? Anyways, I was fighting off a constant barrage of people the last 10 minutes of the race. I did not want to budge. Things went temporarily to shit on the last lap in the second to last corner. The pack slowed, anticipating the second to last hill, and I was chopped HARD on the inside. I went from 5th wheel to 20th wheel in an instant. I shot a gap and sprinted up the gutter up the hill to regain my position and worked my way back near the wheel I wanted to be on.

Then I promptly got a pedal in my front wheel. I heard a horrible crunch that I thought for a quarter second was my front wheel on its way to the garbage can. That 1/4 second of hesitation lost me a spot or two and as I dove into the corner I was prepared to either crash or sprint for the win. The spokes on COLE WHEELS are strong, because all this incident did was clip out a competitor. Which was my plan so I had one less guy to sprint.  The guy who won shot a gap towards the barriers and I had to wait for a hole to open before I could work my way through on the left, passing everyone infront of me except the guy throwing his arms up.

I thought for sure my wheel was about to do this...

Nice job kitting back up guys

So second place at nationals. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with this result. But I don't think I can explain how it feels to come so close to a national title and not get it. My motivation to train hard and race hard is higher then ever.

Matching shoelaces to the kit. Pro

Congrats to Kyle Knott of Mars Hill for reading the finish perfectly and having the sprint to back it up.

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Collegiate Nats Road Race.

The one water bottle rule was very hard to follow today. Tela had a coach in the past who had a rule: You are allowed the time it takes you to drink one water bottle to be upset about something in a race. After that, it is time to move on.

To say that things did not go as planned would be an understatement. I came into this race prepared to fight for the win. A promising move got away on the main climb after a little less then an hour of racing and I was in it. Myself and the two guys I knew going into the race were the ones to watch had got away on the climb. After a couple of rotations, I looked back and saw nothing but my teammate Steve Fisher bridging the gap solo. Perfect situation. Steve made the bridge, and we started to roll through. Then I promptly flatted. Since the gap was not yet a minute, we had no wheel car behind us. After a painful wheel change I got rolling again, the group was out of sight, and I went from being OTF to OTB. No longer the perfect situation! No pacing back from the car, no caravan, and no luck catching back on. I chased until it was very clear I was not catching back on, and pulled the plug in the feedzone.

OK, one water bottle done.

We are in Maddyson, WI for these bike races.

Not this type of madison SILLY

 

It's pretty important to know that for the collegiate bike racing, you have to be considered a full-time student. When registering for Spring quarter classes, I was only able to get two of the classes I needed. Therefore I would not be considered full-time, and wouldn't be eligible for Collegiate Nats. Not OK! This race weekend has been on the top of my priority list all season, so I signed up for some random class that was in no-way needed or relevant for my college education. And sure enough, that class is the only class I had to bring work for to do on this trip. Womp womp womp.

Western has 4 guys racing here this weekend. We've got the Bike Sale Ladies Man Michael Spring, the Wattage Cottage Steve Fisher, the Alligator from the movie Lake Placid Ryan Short, and me.

 We all have our little... issues to talk about.

1) Bike Sale Ladies Man unfortunately seems to have no idea how to pin numbers.

One of these is not like the other. Oh wait, yeah they're the same

 

 

 

 

But true to his name, nothing like a hallway Girlfriend Skype session. Cheers!

2) The Alligator from the movie Lake Placid's problem is that he simply doesn't understand the advanced bicycle mechanics.

Wrestling the bike

But luckily for all of us, the Alligator from the movie Lake Placid has some crazyyyy dance moves, stemmed from days of triathlons. Also explains the seat smashed all the way forwards on the bike cycle machine.

3) The Wattage Cottage is short

But luckily for the Wattage Cottage he also pedals his bike pretty damn fast also. Stevey put his cards all in and got in a move with the future race winner and two other guys with a lap and a half to go, but unfortunately for uh, everyone, the winner had robotic legs. Here is a picture I snapped of the winner immediately after he crossed the line.

4) And finally, me. My problem? I'm as cute as a button

But really, I just needed a bridge to cross so I could talk about dogs real quick.

Check it out! Super dogs! Navy Seal trained dogs who participated in the OBL mission. That's cool stuff!

Tomorrow is the TTT and Sunday is the crit. Gangsta's paradise.

I already forgot about the road race.

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