Monday, April 25, 2011

Get Rich Schemes

College + Bike Racing + Not much working + gas for the swagger-wagon + eating some food = low funds

Here are (some of) my plans on how to be rolling in money by age... 37

1) Get paid to ride/race my bike
  • This is pretty straightforward
2) Coffee Shop
  • I like coffee. I will have a coffee shop that incorporates me not doing very much work but reaping all the benefits of it. Some key features of this shop will be that it serves coffee, but also a great experience! Hooray! And a slide from the second story to the first, and also a graffiti wall.
3) Burrito Joint
  • "Wrap Music". This burrito joint is already my pride and joy and it is not even created yet. With a name like that (trademarked fyi) (my idea) the consumer knows absolutely what they are getting. A unique, fresh, and beat funky burrito.
  • Key features- Ignoring all the labor to get the most delicious ingredients, Wrap Music will be everything that your taste buds desire based on the CARE that my employees will put into the burrito. Without sharing too much information (for obvious infringement reasons), a stand out feature will be a pre-wrap trip to the salsa bar so your favorite salsas are INSIDE the burrito!
  • Sampling of some Menu Items-
    • Mackle"more" Guac
    • Dyme Definitely ordering that burrito
    • Ludacrispy quesadillas
    • A Tribe Called Questioning what to get? Try this one!
    • 50 Cent tacos (is that cheating my game?)
    • Nicki Minaj. no reason
Unfortunately, I will not be able to sell-

4) Best selling, prize winning Author
  • This is quite the story. To summarize, I have pulled on the figurative thread that unraveled the TRUE story behind all of the Lance Armstrong allegations. Without spoiling it for my future readers, I will expose how LA won all those bicycle tournaments in his career. To draw you in, I'll say that the secret lies within the yellow rubber bracelets. Buy the book.
  • I'm no doctor or scholar. Or author. Or scientist.  But if my theory turns out to be incorrect and it actually isn't how LA won the TDF, I should win an award for preventing the kid from this picture from doping in the future by exposing what I like to call the "Bracelet Affair"
$6,000 dollar wheels. This kid has pressure to dope
  • To validate this novel, I will have Bike Snob NYC write the preface, and have LA himself write the epilogue. Neither will know what the book is about before writing. Each chapter won't be called a chapter, but will be a stage of the TDF. The cover will be VERY similar to It's Not About the Bike, except my face will be on the cover and I will be holding yellow bracelets to my eyes like spectacles. 
  • Proof
    • Besides clear cut scientific proof, I will have support from doctors. Regardless if my theory is incorrect or not, the quotes taken from professionals will be made to work for my argument- Example: "there is no way that This actually could work!"-Dr so and so, or-  "you must be crazy if you Believe this!"-Professor of something at somewhere. 
    • And just for legal reasons I'll make sure to put in the fine print somewhere that this potentially could be fictional.
5) Secret
  • HA! You wish I'd tell you the make mega bank scheme
  • Let's just say it involves real estate, and that my team has already been assembled. Sorry!

 There is lots of thinking while driving to bike races. Sleep on it.


  1. Wow, that is a fine looking automobile that you are sleeping so comfortably in. The leg room for the passengers appears to be superb.

  2. I am looking forward to learning more about the "Bracelet Affair." However, before you set your hopes too high, that kid in the Cipollini skinsuit is already a cheater and therefore a lost cause in your doping crusade. Look at his front wheel! DSQ

    Also, note to DAD. That number should be aerodynamically dimpled. It is looking like a primo windsock right now. Also, he needs shoecovers. Pony up! If you don't have the flow, steal Ian's idea and start a rapper's burrito shop, or your kid will never amount to ANYTHING! Just leave him at home with mom to learn the violin and he can play sad songs about how his bicycling career hopes were dashed by a lame dad.

  3. 1) The picture at the top looks like Tela.

    2) The burrito joint is brilliant. If I start it before you finish your pro career, I'll claim it as my idea.

    3) Theme song for your supersize burrito?