Rewind to the day before the bicycle race tournament. It was a Thursday. Of the month of June, in the year 2012. As I started riding at more than a walking pace, Logan screamed at me to slow down. I shifted one gear harder and started to ride tempo. Once I had dropped those measly hooligans I settled into my workout for the day: 1 hour of tempo. Since we are in Georgia after all, we haven't found great riding. So we ride to South Carolina where the riding is mint and I'm keen to do loops of little roads. I was informed by GPSteve that they would be turning on a road and then looping, so I turned on that road also. As I rode down the road in Rhode Island (code name for S.C), I knew it's not new news to anyone that at some point I'd need to kneed my leg muscles and turn around soon. I flipped a U-turn and started heading back in the direction I came from, now expecting the rest of my team to be making their way towards me.
This is when my mind starts working. Side notes, this happens quite frequently. Most often while doing tempo because it's that annoying pace that is just on the cusp between riding hard and riding easy, so it's the cycling equivalent of a mosquito that flies around your ears while you are trying to sleep, buzzing like an alarm clock droning on in the morning. Which is something that I can't relate too because I sleep in. Until at least 8 am every morning. Which leaves me with roughly 3-4 hours until either of my housemates wakes up. To research things. Let's take a quick U-turn to discuss what I've learned:
There is indeed a difference in the Keurig coffees. Same with Starbucks Via. They offer up regular pre-packaged coffee mixes as well as their special "Iced Coffee" pre-packaged blends. This is as confusing as trying to figure out the best blend of granola to buy at the grocery store. There are so many choices!
Coffee is coffee, right? WRONG. These are special iced-only pods. Green Mountain coffee explains that it "makes adjustment to the recipe" to brew better at colder temperatures. Also, "A technological innovation enables Iced Coffee K-Cup® packs to be packed with more coffee in order to deliver optimal flavor when brewed over ice". Ohhhhhh, nice one technology! Now you know that this type of iced coffee is technological and you can feel smart while drinking it.
Back to my bike ride. I pulled a U-turn and started thinking. First I thought about Ironman triathlons then promptly crashed myself out as punishment for letting my mind think about that. My thoughts were that it must be very strenuous to do the out-and-back loops like they do in the runs and the rides and sometimes the swims. By strenuous, I mean mentally strenuous. This is because you must keep your game face at ALL TIMES. You do not want to let your competition see you suffer- if you are heading back after a turnaround and you see your next closest competitor, you can't show any strain on your face. This must be so stressful!
So as I prepared to intersect with my teammates, I locked my face in the most neutral look possible. I held my breath for twenty minutes, my eyes staring lifelessly straight ahead. My arms relaxed. Also important, I was flexing my legs as hard as I could with each pedal stroke. It is important to be extra veiny and yoked when intimidating your teammates on a training ride. I bit my cheeks inwards to make my face look as sunken and skinny as possible. I stopped to fill up my bottles so it looked as if I hadn't drank anything over the course of the one hour tempo interval. I showered in some bayou campsite. I gelled my hair so that as soon as the ride was over I could take my helmet off and the intimidation would increase. I kept riding. I never found my teammates?
What does it mean when in attempts at intimidation you get lost? It must mean that you are so intimidating that you weren't actually the one that got lost, but it was your teammates who got lost because they were so intimidated by your future intimidatedness. That must be it.
Eventually I found my friend-nemesi and finished the ride with them. This included another slurpee stop. Unfortunately, Kennett and I didn't bring wallets because we have been heat acclimating and everyone knows that carrying cash in your pockets cools you down.
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| Cash=Diamonds=Ice=Vanilla Ice=White Rapper=Danny Heeley |
Logan bravely stepped up. He's only 15 you know, and he is always searching for ways to prove himself as an adult. He volunteered to buy KP and my slurpees. What a hero. He then proceeded to get to the register and realize that he also didn't bring a wallet. So thanks Jon for buying me a slurpee!
I'll talk about bike racing at some point, but I'll leave you with my last way of intimidating my friends before bike racing.
Please note. Me front row. Very calm. Kennett Pete behind me, touching himself all weird. No composure. I had to get in his head somehow. So I missed clipping into my pedal. I went into the first corner about 8th wheel or so. Kennett went into the first corner about 90th wheel. Take that!
I'll talk about bike racing when I do another bike race tomorrow. I'll ruin it for you, I didn't win the crit.Tweet
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