Saturday, September 3, 2011

OK Fine, Here's How to Get a Hold of Me

WOW. Turns out when you don't go places every other day, writing stuff about your life just isn't as exciting. I mean, I could type up long narratives about how the other day I ALMOST did something productive, but that would be a lie. I've been keeping super busy, with a ratio of Bike Rides : Attempted Naps almosssttttt 1:1. Holla!

Anyways, I've been thinking of ways to make me significantly faster for Univest GP, coming up two weeks from today.
  • The first is stealing Alan S's wheels. I borrowed these wheels for Seward Park crit (a heartbreaking drama about the race that I almosstttt won, unbloggable). Long story (not actually), but they were siiikkk-whatttt and I plan on breaking into his house to get them before I leave. 
  • Second way to get fast is a two-part intimidation makeover. Wait no, three parts.
    • Part 1- Hair Cut. Colin got a haircut before Cascade, listened to Skrillex, and then won the S out of that S. So my plan is to do the same, except I can't copy the guy, so I'll reverse it.
Here is what Colin is working with
And I was thinking of something along these lines for myself.

    • Part 2- I NEED to have really intimidating muscles at the start line of Univest. Usually there are some crazy big foreigners with names such as Yuri Metlushenko or Volodymyr Starchyk who flex their way to the front of the pack. In order for me to achieve that same social-status, I bought this off a late night TV show ad-
    •  Part 3- Not that exciting, but I cleaned my shoes. Now they are back to being white, which literally EVERYONE knows makes you 12 watts faster.
So during the Coma of this page, I raced track, Seward Park and Carnation, and didn't write about any of it.
Got to race maddy-son with Benny
But I feel bad, because I know that people are trying to keep up with my antics. And lets face it, 4 posts in all of August is really disgusting. How do I know that the people are trying to read my site!?!?! EASY. Blogger gives me the opportunity to track how people come across my site through google, and these little hints have proven to me that, well I'll just let you see what they prove.

First, I'm happy to say that my site has gotten hits from people who are looking into some of my associates. Just making sure that I'm spending time with the right type of people.

If the Ab-Hancer didn't give it away, I'm always looking for ways to psych out my competition. That's why I am SO excited about this search keyword. I can't believe that after my years of walking around, pretending to be a MMA fighter, I finally have some validation.

14 times!

Something else that I am really thrilled about is how my readers are intelligent. It really makes me feel good of myself that intellectuals- people who strive to better themselves, believe that my blog is of worthy reading. I can only hope to continue to nourish the minds of the intelligence seekers.

Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?

Speaking of intelligence, a really smart person told me recently that a gorilla is NOT a monkey. I don't know if I agree with that, and I think with the number of gorilla related searches I can basically be considered an expert. First, going along with the Tapout theme, who wouldn't want to see a gorilla fight a man? That's true Guerrilla warfare. I do understand how this led to my site. I'll just let you guys figure out who I am in the Gorilla vs Man cage fight.

Now, these are both pretty interesting.  Keeping with the primate theme. I'm not too sure why Gorilla man ended up here, because that should've been directed here. But a gorilla party? That sounds Bananas!

Bike racing is hard. I understand. School, jobs, girls, shaving your arms, buying gas, christmas presents, cooking. These are all really stressful things. But I have this outlet here where I can write pretty much anything that I want, regardless of how far-fetched it is. I can see where this next one came from-

Finally, I'm glad that there is at least one person out there who likes to make jokes in google searches. I'm guessing that this person accidentally hit enter before they typed in the NOT at the end

And how is this for being specific??

That's all the fun ones for now. It's September, there is traveling and racing coming up, so I will be posting more. Maybe People of the Airport part two?

Come along for the ride!

PS- Thanks to my out of town readers!

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