Sunday, April 8, 2012

i Volunteer to Park

GET IT?! I raced at Volunteer Park this weekend.

That's the place. Except that it wasn't so dark or scenic because I was looking at mostly bike racing related things all day.

Short story, my teammates are awesome. The race came down to a sprint finish, mostly thanks to Colin getting aero and chasing down the last couple of breakaways- Then I sat behind a 3 man locomotive the last lap and did my best to make sure that their work wasn't for no reason.

With one to go Winger was killing it on the front, Steve tucked in behind him (I use that term somewhat loosely, Steve could tuck in behind a hummingbird), and David and I behind him. Steve somehow went down the hill as fast as two guys that weigh twice as much as him (David and I) could go and he dropped David off at the base of the hill at if I were to guess- 1 million miles an hour.

David proceeded to go up the final hill about 3 mph faster than we had gone all race, by doing so I'm sure surprising everyone behind us who thought that much like in the iconic 90's movie White Men Can't Jump, that big guys can't climb. I'm not quite sure how I kept up with David up the hill. I can only guess that the innertube that I had leashed around him with 2 laps to go had made some sort of difference, but I'll assume that it was likely because of the fear that had been struck into me by an email from Joe the night before.

Here is the picture from 1-to go. What you can't see in this picture is about 6 seconds later when David and I passed an exhausted Winger in a gap the size of one of those rigged Arcade games that you aren't actually supposed to be able to fit a ball through. David and I once again proving that size doesn't matter.

And here is a cool P.O.V of the finish, courtesy of Ian Terry.

OK, enough actual race reports. Because I know you just come to this site to look at pretty pictures and steal my get rich schemes.

Here are the nitty-gritty, crazy interesting, relatively important, statistically irrelevant, legitimately awesome behind the scenes stories from racing this weekend.


Before the race, Colin and I had espresso together. It came with bubble water, which anyone who knows me knows that I adore. Colin then took me up a very steep hill and I had to paper boy up it. Luckily I made it and was NOT late to the pre-race meeting which happened in our usual spot.


Here are some more pictures, since y'all are suckers for pictures. Thanks Amara at

In summary, Winger makes faces, Steve rides alone (this kept happening...)(he won I think 17 primes in the race), and I somehow didn't fall off my bike while I rode it sitting sideways?*

*This term I learned from UrbanDictionary means "when driveing you scoot over to he side of you seat, pimp you hat and just rol" .
So now you know. 

My body: 45 degree angle one way. My bike: 45 degree angle the other way. Huh?

To Wingers defense,  I also enjoyed licking my lips while racing, especially while following the Evil Chucky doll in action. Proof from


Ish got crazy on me on the last lap. Turns out while following David up the hill you have to get out of your saddle. Since I was trying to win the bike race, I continued to be out of my saddle while going around the corner. Meanwhile, I'm rocking my bike side to side in a fast, slow-motion sprint to keep up with David. As David swung wide to let me by on the inside, all those above factors created some form of Physics equation that led to me skipping my rear wheel. Several times. Directly at David. The good news is that my forward kinetic energy overpowered my sideways potential energy and I skipped past him. David celebrated the fact that I didn't run into him, as seen here.


I have saved the best for last.

Short video summary:

Yes. After the race Steve crashed into a porta-potty while riding. To be fair, it was a moving portable toilet. But to be unfair, he crashed into a porta-potty while riding. I'd love to talk more about this subject, but I think it is an incredibly artsy topic and I'd hate to not do it justice with my depiction of it. So I'll leave you with the bare minimum and let your imagination do the rest.

Steve crashed into a porta-potty while riding.

PS Steve is fine

I'm glad I volunteered to park this weekend and I am certainly excited to race more soon. Thankfully I have a race next weekend.

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