Monday, April 23, 2012

It's That Time.

I really like spy movies, spy books, and spy catalogs. Jon likes Spy glasses and Spy t-shirts. I like reading about/watching/imagining the ART of... mastering the art of disguise like Derek Zoolander, talking into a shoe like Maxwell Smart, being debonair like James Bond, being a kid like the SpyKids, and having a silly nose like Johnny English.

I continue.

Jack Bauer is my all time favorite television character, Jason Bourne taught me how to live, Michael Westen from Burn Notice taught me how to be suave, and all the above taught me how to have STYLE. Especially Derek Zoolander.

Which is why when this surfaced on the internet I had a serious problem on my hands.

Cover blown? Every secret agent/spies worst nightmare. I know you've seen the Departed. Both of the moles in each organization were tripping out with just the idea of having their cover blown. Srsly, I BELIEVED you Leo.

Cover blown. Code blue. Must react. I can't get rid of the watch, because that has saved my life and watches are expensive. However, I can change my appearance.

I'm not going to tell you what I did because that would re-blow my cover. I will say that it did NOT in any way resemble what may or may not have happened in Tulsa, and it by no means involved a hair clipper and my arms.

Ok, fine. Cover blown. What I did to change my appearance? Eyebrows up 2 inches, nose rhinoplastied, cheeks filled with Apple-Cinnamon Hammer gel (for that soft, delicious look), hair dyed black, old-person driving sunglasses purchased, stilts used, and hooded sweatshirts tie-dyed.

Try and catch me now, you people that I'm spying on.

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